Friday, June 19, 2009

Billy Milano speaks! (like a painfully unfunny brain injury patient)

We are proud to present an interview with the notorious Billy Milano, singer for the legendary MOD! That said, it's a shitty interview. I guess I shouldn't be even a a little bit surprised, but his answers were uninspired, terse, and boring. I'm still kind of let down in spite of having low expectations, he really phoned this one in. I did my best to spice it up with some of my own comments, but you can only polish a turd so much. The harder you try, the more you get shit all over yourself, and it's still a turd.

Immediately after this picture was taken, Billy the Hut put this poor AIDS victim out of his misery by eating him

What are the lyrics to the Crab Society North Song "You Nigger"?

Your link didn’t work so I don’t know if it’s really a song. I don’t think it is but it it were a song it was probably very short and had a dark tone to it. Yuck-Yuck.
[We just pasted the link into an email; apparently he only knows how to click URLs, not copy and paste it into the address bar. I know he's on the wrong side of 40 so technology isn't really his friend, but this was the first sign of trouble. Also, he has an AOL email address- do you think he spends a lot of time seeing what's in keyword megaforce?]

With looks like this, one can only imagine the high-caliber pussy that he is surely drowning in

In your Hard N' Heavy interview, you talk about "life on the road", and banging the caliber of girl that would have also banged Poison back then. Did you feel it was necessary to lie and make up these stories because a camera was on you?
You know my initials are the same as Brett Michael's. I find it ironic that you mention Poison besides I have no respect for anyone who fucks me and wants to brag about it.
[His initials are BM. I am not sure if our readers abroad know this, but in the US that means "bowel movement," or "shit."]

Here is a curious collage of Billy Milano images that I found in an equally curious article about him on a bear blog (I'm not talking about the kind of bears they have at the zoo)

You were in SOD and then MOD. Do you ever talk to Dave Mustaine about how he should have named Megadeth "Netallica" instead? What do you think of "Slayer 2"?
Never cared to ask Dave about that shit, Slayer 2? I actually think there was a band called slayer from Texas or somewhere and Slayer in LA was a band at that time. That is something you need to check on.
[I seriously think he missed the point of this question. I know he is not going to be in MENSA anytime soon but honestly... it's kind of sad to see a human being who is this dense!]



In the MOD video for "true colors" you wear many hilarious outfits, in order to mock the look of other styles of music (glam etc), yet we couldn't help but notice that in the portions where you are dressed as yourself, you are still wearing spandex cycling shorts. Can you tell us more about the decision to wear those?
Ha ha - BUSTED!!! No, seriously I always wore them for comfort and nothing more. I will say this I bike 20 miles a day in Austin Texas and don’t wear them so I find this also Ironic.


In this horribly dull video, Billy tries his hand at improvised, observational humor... and fails miserably. Don't come crying to me when you realize you pissed away several seconds of your life that you'll never get back on this before frantically mashing the "stop" button.

An argument has been made by some that the cost of medical care for illegal immigrants is not as costly to the US economy as caring for the medical needs of the overweight Americans. Do you care to comment?
Yes this is true, I have read that argument and it has valid points but let me embellish. No illegal immigrant should be given FREE health care or GOVERNMENT sponsored health care when American citizens who do NOT have health care can and are denied.
[I think he also missed the point of this question. Hint: we were calling you fat, Billy the Hut]

A girl is sitting next to me as I write this. When she saw this image over my shoulder she said, "Who is this guy? Why is this image online?! What is he doing??" All I could say was, "Uh... he's the singer in this crappy band called MOD, I have no idea what is happening in this picture but it's funny."

Aside from SOD, what other musical influences do you have? And you can't answer "Anthrax" or "Scott Ian" to this question.
Hardcore Punk.
[I can only assume he is talking about Fat Nuts, 25 Ta Life, and Fury of V]

You made a song entitled "Wigga" in which you mock suburban white kids who dress like poor black people. Can you tell us more about this phenomenon? What do you make of wigger slam metal?
This question is about as relevant as the interviews some journalist gave me for the Decibel interview. NEXT! [Translation: I can't think of anything entertaining to say]

"Wait where am I again?"

When most people see Danny Lilker, they think he looks like he has Down's syndrome due to his retarded face and tiny baby teeth. What was your reaction when you first laid eyes on him?
He looked like a stoned mop.
[Now THIS is funny!! Come on Billy the Hut, you can do better than 1 for 13!]

For the past 20 years you have relied heavily on Jewish musicians to make a semi-decent living, yet you are an anti-Semite. How do you reconcile these two facts?
I converted to being a Jew in the 80’s. I like bagels and have an accountant name Murray, Oi vey such a thing. My Jewish friends only know me by my Jewish identity. “ Sol mehaya Lowenhidlebaum” His name is my name too. Or wait that’s “John Jacob Jinggleheimer Schmit”.


This is 1 million times worse than BrokeNCYDE and Crazy Town put together and wrapped in swastikas

When you were making the video for "Wigga," and you realized that you had become the thrash metal version of Weird Al or The Offspring, what went through your head?
Thank you, what I was thinking was Most metal bands sing this evil shit and their the biggest pussies walking. I am far from a pussy and just wanted my song and record to be fun. Music used to be fun. Everyone is so fucking serious they need to get laid or at least take a shower they will feel better.
[This is certainly true. Maybe he would like screamo crunk??]

Please read our review of "USA For MOD" and share your thoughts on it. In particular, can you comment on this part?

"Man of Your Dreams" – 3:40 I had to look this one up, because even though it's one of the longest songs on the album, I didn't remember it at all. Then I remembered it was a song about Freddy Krueger. How original!! I imagine Scott Ian feeling like the older brother does when the younger brother copies everything he does

First off your links don’t work. That would be kinda of what Dimebag was feeling about Scott, Right? Baaazing!!!

Like if you get a skateboard, and your little bro makes his own out of an ironing board and rollerskate wheels and follows you around all over the place. Not only does he get it all wrong, it's embarrassing for everybody involved, but you don't tell him to stop because you know how bad it would hurt his feelings. But you know Scott must have been like, "Dude... you gotta find your own voice... we already did the Freddy thing. At least write about Jason."

I was SOD. I am an original- they (ANTHRAX) Stole SOD’s voice.
[wat]

When we were writing these questions, we took bets on whether you would have a good sense of humor about it or be a butthurt pussy. I bet $5 that you would try to come up with witty answers to the questions in an attempt to show us up, maybe even putting in a few playful jabs of your own every now and then to avoid looking like a complete pushover. Who is right?
How can I possibly know whose right? I don’t know what the other person you made the bet with said.
[I'll admit, this was a tough question that didn't give him a lot of room to move, but even then, what a shitty answer]

That creepy bear article about him has a comment that declares "His butt is definitely NOMy."

That's all we have. Would you like to add anything? Thanks!! Oh, and what is "Bushwackatees" about?
Your mom’s hairy cunt! Peace Nigga.
[I feel vicariously embarrassed for Billy the Hut when he tries to be shocking like this because it's not even slightly offensive, it's just tiresome and dull]

* In case you haven't yet, please make sure to read Billy Milano: Evolution of MOD on BearMythology.net!!

56 comments:

  1. Great interview. I love the way you made fun of him because he is fat and has made some questionable music in the past...good stuff!

    Next you should take on Jon Olivia ot just about any metal singer that released something in the 80's.

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  2. The bald guy in the top picture looks pretty gay. Could he be the bearmythology guy? And if so, would Billy Milano realize he is cozying up to a gay men who is turned on by him?

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  3. What a crying shame!! I held Billy in such high regard before the internet existed and he didn't get the chance to demonstrate what a big fucking loudmouth oaf he is on any given occasion!!

    I remember back when he was always pissed off that detractors in the press "just didn't get it". I thought: "yeah, they don't get that everything he says is steeped in irony and therefore they make him out to be a racist idiot".

    Thanks to his messageboard, I slowly realised that everything he says is actually steeped in warm bullshit and monosylabic ignorance (oh, and double-dipped in butter)

    What a Steakhead!

    The only good Billy Milano quote is a deleted one.

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  4. What a douche.
    E.N.T. summed it up pretty well in their song...

    If Your Only In It For The Music (S.O.D. Off!)

    If you're only in it for the music
    just fuck off we aren't interested
    in your stance fascist, racist, sexist shit
    fuck off you fat Nazi pig bastard
    Milano - you're dead!

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  5. OMG!!! Milano in a bear website?! Escândalo! Last time I was that shocked was when I heard a girl saying Kai Hansen was handsome...
    Bear friends from all over the world, just SAY NO.

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  6. I was laughing so hard I was in tears......wow!!

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  7. Matt from JerseyJune 19, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    God what a humorless dick.

    Seriously D, you should have gone way harder on this washed up douche.

    Hey Billy, people actually give a shit about something you did 20 years ago, if you're tired of talking about it, don't talk about it.

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  8. I've read other interviews with him where he comes off as a talentless hack and it's puzzling to me because live, he's been a quick witted guy who gets the best of hecklers. We are talking, Paul Bearer-like levels of 'gotcha'!
    How is it that when given the time to formulate funny,insightful, entertaining answers - he can't deliver?
    Maybe he's one of those people who only work well under pressure.

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  9. you know you're slow and dim when Paul Bearer is lightyears ahead of you...which he is. As far as giving him a harder time...jesus...a few of those questions were insanely rough, like the Mustaine one...come on.

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  10. "Keyword Megaforce"

    holy shit! A+++++++++++

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  11. "Jose said...
    Maybe he's one of those people who only work well under pressure."

    looking at BM's physical condition, i think rather than Billy you actually just described the unlucky (though possibily imaginary) girls from the answer question number 2! :-D

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  12. @lucho

    I have seen paul bearer cry twice. Both times I felt like a dream was shattered. Both times I knew that i would never utter anything like this out loud for fear of being beaten into the bloodiest pulp ever.

    that said paul bearer>>>>>billy milano

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  13. What a great interview! It was rough and funny, even though he didn't get any of the jokes, what made it even funnier. He must be even dumber than what he looks. How more pathetic can that video about buying underwear be? And it made me think he was lucky to be born in a wealthy country. While he was making fun of places like Honduras just because they are a poor country, I felt like he was lucky, because given his IQ, if he had been born in a poor place, he would be an indigent for sure.

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  14. I'm just surprised he's still active. He can't be making any money off of this anymore.

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  15. Kudos on a great interview. Milano truly is a King Douchewad. I loved the mocking of the band names the most. And we all know what M.O.D. does not stand for: Milano On a Diet!

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  16. does billy really expect us to believe that somewhere on this earth there was a girl who fucked him and then bragged about it? though he just says "anyone", so maybe there is a reason that bear site was written about him.

    not that there is anything wrong with that.

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  17. Milano is a Douchebag.

    Message ends.

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  18. This is the dude who wrote the creepy bear article about Billy Milano. Gotta say that this interview had me laughing so hard, that not only I got a boner (because I'm gay) I also accidentally had a Bowel Movement (it also happened because I'm gay).

    Billy's answers were quite, well, to be nice, "unexpected." I mean, was my hero who would exclaim "Speak English or Die" too dense to read through sarcasm in the interview? In all fairness, he's probably the type of person who'd do better in a live interview (agreed with the "wrong side of 40" comment -- that cracked me up!). I once interviewed him a few years ago via email and his answers were pretty straightforward and unfortunately boring. Still, though, I adore the guy regardless (and -- believe it or not -- not in a gay way).

    Other than that, it's an awesome an entertaining interview. Keep up the great work.

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  19. hey, thanks for commenting!! i'm glad you found the site- your post was amazing! A+ for you.

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  20. i thought the question about fat people costing more than immigrants was genius...cus i wrote it...but seriously, had he understood half of these, it would have been way way better.

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  21. oh i forgot...Paul Bearer cried? why?
    He's doing spoken word now, it was only a matter of time.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkju48FYHs0

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  22. Milano may be a despicable piece o' shit but that 'stoned mop' comment made my week

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  23. I can't believe he even managed to get this far with his unbelievable stupidity. What a fucking dumbass.

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  24. Guys, guys, serious question that I need an answer to. Does Billy know about that bearmythology post? And if not, why not?

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  25. This has nothing to do with Billy Milano, but I just found out this link that I found interesting (though I'm sure I'm late about this), which tells you how much blogs or internet sites are worth. Metal Inquisition turns out to be worth $9066.6! Well, it's not a lot, but I'm sure it's more than what Billy has made in the last year by albums royalties.

    http://www.websiteoutlook.com/www.metalinquisition.blogspot.com

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  26. Jeez... sorta pathetic in a way.
    The funniest thing about the interview was how 99% of the jabs went right over his head.

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  27. Sorry D, but i think that you lost that $5. In that one picture, it looks like his ass is eating the towel like a piece of spaghetti. SCHLOOOOORP! No wonder AJ thinks it looks NOMy.

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  28. Billy Milano may appear to be too stupid to realize when someone is goofing on him, but in his defense, someone's always goofing on him so how would he be able to tell the difference?

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  29. he really went all out for that jewish crack maybe he was up all night with that joke.

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  30. Just stepping in to say that the comments about Dan Lilker are becoming a bit stale, now.
    Come on guys, come up with something new, something like "Phil Anselmo looks like (and moves like) a retarded neanderthal man", as an example.

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  31. A few friends were down in Texas touring recently, and they saw Billy Milano down there working as a bouncer for some cheap club.

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  32. i am also glad that we have multiple posts tagged "alex perialis"

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  33. About the bear thing.. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Billy Milano seriously refers to himself as "Billy the Bear" or "Grizzly Bill" and thinks they're really cool names.

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  34. How dare you besmirch Fat Nuts

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  35. Paul Bearer is a surprisingly articulate and thoughtful guy. If you listen to Sheer Terrors lyrics, half of them are about girls breaking his heart. Comparing him and Milano is apples and oranges.

    I can't speak for the other guy, but PB cried (on DVD) during the Sheer Terror reunion show in gratitude for peoples loyalty to them for 20+ years. Milano would probably not give a fuck.

    I get what the other guy said, but PB showing some realness actually made me respect him more.

    Milano is just a moron. I can't imagine why any band would want him to represent them. (His management company)

    (Captcha word = "spidym") That's one fat web slinger.

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  36. As an avid Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan, I can say with my vast experience that this was hilarious and painful in an all too familiar way.

    I also loved the gay bear article.
    I also loved that the gay bear article's writer jumped in to say hello.

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  37. I don't know what up's with Billy. He seem's to be decending into The Mentor's El Duce type of thing. Duse onece played drums and sang, then he only sang, then he had other singers and tried to sing just a little. (I saw them on thier last tour and my best friend laughed his ASS of to El Duce's drunken ramblings !!!) Billy need's to wake up, humor it not what people are buying any moore.

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  38. I have no respect for anyone who fucks me and wants to brag about it.

    Jeez.

    Billy, in the unlikely event that some poor chick was comatose and blinded by alcohol enough to actually give it up, best believe she would keep mum about it for the rest of her life once she comes to. So there's no need to worry.

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  39. I would LOVE to see what kind of antics the Mentors are up to with El Duce these days, considering he's been dead for several years.

    Courtney Love had him whacked for not killing Cobain as contracted. The who "falling asleep on train tracks" thing was a setup.

    Eldon's livin' on welfare in Hell.

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  40. "His butt is definitely NOMy."

    Shit. Amazing.

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  41. After looking at this blog I think the saddest aspect of the interview is the total lie about you actually sitting next to a girl.

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  42. When i first saw Danny Lilker, i was like "GOD DAYUM, he wasssss fine, and he has nice curly hair.!!" yep. haha. :D

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  43. I loved the way you made fun of him because he has made some questionable music in the past. Good stuff..!

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  44. For all the bad music he's made, he's also made some really good stuff. Sort of seems like a wasted opportunity to ask some decent questions. It's clear the interviewer cracks himself up, but he's really not funny. Billy comes off as an ass as usual, but to me the interviewer seems even more cuntlike.

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  45. you people have no real ideals of your own this interview is what it is bullshit just like the thoughts you think. you made how many albums compared to his?yeah ask yourself that question how many?If you dont like him or his music move on!Im sure his record sales aren't lacking from you not buying his bands music.quit being bashers start being humans

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  46. Milano is a legend, thank you for the interview (albeit poorly phrased questions indeed) good chap!

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    Replies
    1. Milano a legend? Musically? Are we talking about the same fat fuck that claims he invented hardcore. The same talking tampon that being a woman's rag is the closet thing he came to getting pussy other then buying it. That billy milano

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    2. Milano a legend? Musically? Are we talking about the same fat fuck that claims he invented hardcore. The same talking tampon that being a woman's rag is the closet thing he came to getting pussy other then buying it. That billy milano

      Delete
  47. That's what u get 4 having a penis up your ass!!!!

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  48. if you ask me the interviewer is a complete pussy.

    Yeah its easy to put your snide, indignant little remarks inside square brackets [after the interview].

    I guess you did that because you know that Billy Milano would have torn your dick off and shoved it down your throat...

    your questions sucked, that was your idea of "spicing things up"? it a spice more mild than a bell pepper!

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  49. Being a fat,fugly lumpen proletariat turd,Milano should run in the 2016 Republican Presidential Primaries!!!!(Oh,wait,HE MIGHT ACTUALLY WIN,given he'd be EVEN DUMBER AND UGLIER than the other Troglodyte candidates-well unless Dedly Tedly gives it a whirl!!!!!)

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  50. N*g Nag,if Fat Boy Millano is so legendary,why has NOBODY besides other hideously ugly,stupid cryp-
    to-fascist headbangers heard of him?

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  51. bearmythology,I'm on the wrong side of 60-AND BLACK!!!!so this thread is SOME KIND OF........WELL,ENLIGHTENING!!!!!

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  52. Is this some Zio Jewish site to whine about racism? Or just a site for faggots admiring bear Billy, but in a miffed way as Billy didnt' flirt enough?

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  53. You have a great thanks for sharing for such nice post .

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