Friday, July 3, 2009

Vomit Grinder: A master and his craft

Someone call the authorities! That poor child is not only being forced to wear track pants at an early age, she's also being subjected to seventh-rate pornogrind created by a man who wears pants so large they would have been mocked at a rave in 1995.




Man, you blink for only 20 years or so, and the entire pornogrind scene changes drastically. Back in my day, Traci Lords Loves Noise and early Meat Shits defined the sound of a musical movement that seemed unstoppable. Young upstarts, like Illinois' own Vaginal Dissection were making significant contributions through their endless flow of cassette releases.

Today, things have changed, and one primary outlet for this musical style is the medium known as the YouTube. All I have to say is, thank god for the YouTube. Today thanks to technology and the internet, we are brought inside the inner circle of pornogrind masters like Vomit Grinder, artists of the highest order who previously performed their craft in relative obscurity. No more. How many of us have said "Oh to have been a fly on the wall when Mozart wrote his Clarinet Concerto", I know I certainly have. Such longing is no longer warranted. Simply watch the videos below, and enjoy a rare insider's look at an artist and his craft.

Please note the tasteful decor which surrounds this musical genius as he works on his musical masterpieces. It appears as though he went to the Funeral Home Decoration Depot and simply said "I'll take it all". While the decor may not be groundbreaking to other trailer owners, the rest of us are left in an emotional state upon seeing such beauty. Like a fat American tourist who sees Versailles for the first time, it becomes clear that while such opulence is common for those who live in it, the rest of us are simply looking from the outside in.

Enjoy his oversized pants, his huge amp, and please note his creative solution for not having a mic stand. Oh, and one last thing, look closely in the second video, as you will surely see the muses that inspire this creative genius.








41 comments:

  1. on the one hand it's high comedy making fun of a guy obviously living in a trailer most likely in an area hard-hit by the mounting job losses in the manufacturing sector and who tortures his long-suffering family who hope in vain that the stimulus will come by their town soon so hubby can get out of the house, but on the other hand he's infinitely more kvlt and true than a million swedish faggots cavorting about in the woods with their free health care, social safety nets, and largely non-religious society

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  2. Well, now I don't love anything anymore.

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  3. thsi blog hurts, because I know this would be me if I ever got married

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  4. VOMIT GRINDER IS FOE THE CHILDREN

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  5. i can simply not understand how porn- or goregrind "artists" take their music and themselves serious.

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  6. "but on the other hand he's infinitely more kvlt and true than a million swedish faggots cavorting about in the woods with their free health care, social safety nets, and largely non-religious society"

    Yeah, but...they're really fucking funny too.

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  7. Jesus christ, whatever tiny shred of optimism or hope I had for my future was just snuffed out by clicking "play" on the second video. Please lord, take me from this earth lest I fall pray to the same fate as this unfortunate motherfucker.

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  8. Any time you post about pornogrind MySpace one man band projects, I swear to God 'coz I haven't finished yet working on my grind two man MySpace project.
    You will love it!
    SCORRA!!!!

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  9. If this dude has a "vocation" to speak of, my educated guess is that it somehow involves drywall or recyclables.

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  10. Shift supervisor at a batting cage IMO

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  11. Hey Sarg, I think "supervisor" is a little ambitious. I'm going to guess 3rd shift gas station attendant.

    That said.. "Natural Stool Softener" is surprisingly informative if you speak cricket. I have a 2 year old too, and I appreciate the importance of good fiber content in their diet. Wanna see brutal? Live with a toddler with digestive issues.

    The verse about Benefiber being gentler than Dulcolax was extra guttural.

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  12. Jeez, where's the CPS when you need them...

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  13. Ian SpermgrinderJuly 4, 2009 at 12:29 AM

    I've watched a little bit from all the clips, but I was too embarrassed to continue. NOTE TO ALL DICKHEADS WITH ONE OR TWO MAN "GRINDCORE" PROJECTS: Just because you have a guitar, a drum machine and maybe pro-tools does NOT mean that your music was meant to be heard. This was so bad I might even prefer going to Sgt. D's house to strip down to my naked body, smother myself in honey and rainbow sprinkles to listen to his collection of pop-punk nonsense whilst he fellated me.

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  14. A bold prediction: within eighteen months this footage will be "Exhibit A" at one of the most pitiful divorce/custody hearings ever.

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  15. 1) I love the dude's wife saying "OK, it's recording" at the beginning of the first video. br00tal, dude.
    2) I love the comment he leaves on YouTube to no one in particular:
    "haha u cant even speak english u fuckin spic"
    Anyone want to point out the irony/make an S.O.D. reference?

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  16. Everyone seems to assume that this dude owns that trailer and is married to that girl. Let's get things straight. The guy lives with his girlfriend (and the kid he had with her) in his mom's trailer. the mom is clearly visible in video number two.

    John Omenheiser: i can't even begin to understand the brutality that you must endure. black metal 17 year olds posing in the woods can't even begin to understand the brutality that must be severe intestinal issues from a toddler. since i don't have kids, i have to say that even the smallest things about kids seem insanely brutal to me. for example: changing the diaper on a male baby, and having him piss on your face. to me, it seems like the most insane thing that would have ever happened in my life. to a father, it's just another monday morning. wow.

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  17. Ian Spermgrinder: self-irony is the key, here.
    Am I a dickhead? Probably.
    Is grindcore merely a joke these days? Definitely.
    Is this site a place for jokes?
    Absolutely.

    Having said that, I agree, it's more funny doing a porno-gore-grind-core project than listening to it.
    Without a little bit of musical taste or ability, listening to this shit can be extremely annoying.

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  18. Isn't it obvious that Ian Spermgrinder is incapable of understanding self irony?

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  19. "With a little bit of musical taste or ability, listening to this shit can be extremely annoying."

    I decided to fix that typo for you kind sir

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  20. I messed up with my second language...I wanted to say that even pornogrind needs a bit of musical ability to be remotely interesting...

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  21. We have dreams

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  22. Yeah I love 'the YouTube' man.

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  23. this should have the tag "4 string guitars".

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  24. I realize that my comment my have offended the "oh ye of little band" set, however I want to assure you that I do have taste and musical ability. I just happen to think those clips highlight all that is wrong with that particular subgenre of metal. Don't get me wrong, it's funny, but it's more pathetic than anything else. I happen to enjoy a good bit of pornogrind, just not this ludicrous attempt.

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  25. Ian SpermgrinderJuly 5, 2009 at 2:20 AM

    I realize that my comment my have offended the "oh ye of little band" set, however I want to assure you that I do have taste and musical ability. I just happen to think those clips highlight all that is wrong with that particular subgenre of metal. Don't get me wrong, it's funny, but it's more pathetic than anything else. I happen to enjoy a good bit of pornogrind, just not this ludicrous attempt.

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  26. I meant you need ability to play and record something interesting even if you play in a grindcore duo, or mono
    ;-)

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  27. i have a one man band thing, but i hope like shit im nothing like this chap....
    i do the frog-core vocals all as a joke...
    then i proceed to make horror style metal, (ghoul etc)
    oh and ive been playing drums for 3 years and guitar for one year (not properly but i do my best..)

    this isnt a cheap plug, but i genuinely just want feedback...

    made of rats on myspace

    http://www.myspace.com/blastermasterdestroy

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  28. some of my lyrics are .... "if you can burp, then we all can burp"

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  29. Made of Rats borders on Newyorkment levels of pit riffment. Do they have Amway in New Zealand?

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  30. thanks for your review johnny, it was short, sweet and most of all... original. (haha amway, that was pure genius) and the whole pit riffment thingymabob, is that another of your creation? tatatotally dude.

    one thing about my "riffment" is that it's more about uber-feelings as opposed to being uber-brutole.
    It strik-eth the heart kind of like that first time you got on a bicycle, ya know? well it did for me anyhoo.

    I'm just happy i got someone to listen to it... dammit it took me, all up maybe... 4 hours. (for 6-7 songs. All with fuck-all experience, but i suppose i should give up.
    I do seriously appreciate it, not like these fake ass posers with their fancy decor.
    They'd just get mad and madder.

    Just the whole making it personal thing is kinda faggy though, you might wanna watch that in your next review...
    (just a tip)

    from your pal... WTClover1975


    p.s: if yall could include your ages and current hairstyles, that would be helpful.urystyl

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  31. Metal Inquisition, you've single handedly and officially taken away my desire to laugh and love

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  32. hopefully someone can get the joke, and have a laugh.

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  33. pornogrind + kids = creepy

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  34. this is totally "Small Amp Metal".

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  35. "this is totally "Small Amp Metal"."

    That needs to be a new tag.

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  36. this is some serious wigger slam talent. this guy should join the forces with hot chocolate to establish a ultimate wigger slam duo

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  37. "Small Amp Metal" is a total win.

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  38. Wahey! I have that same shirt! I kind of want to throw it away now.

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  39. my brain fell out. classic.

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  40. Vomit grinder master and his craft so nice .

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