Monday, September 21, 2009

Suicide Silence: Total fuckfaces, no way around it

Rule number 1: Unless you're an asshole, never trust a hipster's musical opinions. They hate fun and only love Volkswagens, beards, and Hydra Head bands. But I'll admit, even I sometimes forget that they're full of shit. For example, until recently I never gave Suicide Silence a fair chance; I wrote them off like every other deathcore band that's hated by the press and loved by kids because 99% of deathcore is fucking garbage. But after learning that the also-hated deathcore kingpins Winds of Plague were actually a sweet band as well as awesome dudez, I pirated the last few Suicide Silence records and gave them a listen. It turns out they are a really fucking good band. I am also confident that if they were from Philly and had beards, all the Converge and Relapse turds would sweat their balls like they were the second coming of Mastodon.

To atone for my mistakes, I figured we should interview them. I'll admit, I was kind of bummed that the dude didn't seem to think the interview was very funny, but maybe he was just trying to be funny in his own way. I told them to try to make their answers over the top so it would be more entertaining for our old, bitter readers, but he really just came off as more stangry than anything else. He has special needs, though, so try to cut him some slack: he is from Riverside, which is more or less like being dipped in fetal alcohol syndrome immediately after birth, so you can't expect him to be a comedian on top of being the face of deathcore.


Honestly, this shit is fucking brutal. I wanted to hate this band but after listening to them I just can't, they're hella mass tight.

You have a new album entitled "No Time To Bleed," which is excellent and even better than your last one in terms of both songwriting and production. In spite of that, it seems like your band is pretty polarizing and you have a lot of haters. Why do people hate on Suicide Silence as much as they do? If you could direct their anger toward another band, who would it be? Please be specific and name names- you don't have to worry, everybody who reads this site is an old, bitter hater and will only like you better for talking a little shit. You are in a safe place... just let it happen...
I think people hate on us because of our success. We still get shit like "you're a hype band" and what not but I really don't give a shit. I think it's all good as long as they know who we are and form an opinion about us whether it's negative or positive. So after saying that I would direct everyone's hate right back to us because at least they will know who we are. So Fuck it. Fuck your site and fuck all the haters who are reading this, do you hate us so much you are reading this interview? How's that for being specific.

Wow, limited to ONLY 10,000?! With that kind of DIY spirit, it's hard to argue with statements like this one: "Suicide Silence, an astonishingly well-developed five-piece from Riverside, CA, are a true product of that always thriving underground, a band single-mindedly focused on creating rabidly heavy and aggressive music."

There are few genres I dislike more than deathcore, mostly because it is full of generic, dull bands that bore me to tears and bring absolutely nothing new to the table. However, I like Suicide Silence a lot, even though you are deathcore poster children, representing the genre just like N*Sync represented boy bands in the 90s. Why do I like your band better than all the other deathcore bands?
Because Deathcore is a cluttered over saturated genre but to ask me why you like my band is pretty stupid. When we started doing this there was no such thing as Deathcore. I'll ask you the question that I am still curious about, "What the hell is Deathcore?" I really don't even know and quite frankly don't care but I know I am where I am playing music and seeing the world and meeting my idols.

The singer (left) looks a LOT like me in this picture and the one at the top of the page, kinda creepy! The rest of the guys look like they would change my oil on a Saturday morning while listening to Deftones via the local "hard rock" station on a boom box.

Along those same lines, it must be kind of awkward because I'm sure you have a lot of friends in similar-sounding bands, and when you talk to them, you both know that Suicide Silence is not only way more popular than their band, but also better. How do you deal with that? When you can tell one of your friends is jealous, bitter and/or butthurt because you are more successful than he is, how do you put him in his place without being a total fuckface?
Everyone just fucks around and talks shit and says things like "Shoulda wrote a better record." or "Maybe if you weren't on so and so records you'd be doing better?". Most of the time you have to be a total fuckface, no way around it. It's not like it isn't the truth it is just the way it is.

Jeff Foxworthy: "If you're in a deathcore band, and you sell mesh shorts... you just might be a wigger."

Deathcore and wiggers seem to go hand in hand. For example, I was at a Four Year Strong show last night and saw half a dozen kids in mesh basketball shorts and Winds of Plague basketball jerseys. Even though you are from Riverside, which is choked with wiggers, you don't seem to be too into that stuff (although you do sell mesh shorts and flat-brim hats). Why do wiggers like deathcore so much? Why don't you guys wear puffy vests like Johnny Plague?
Seriously? I don't really know how to answer that? We don't wear stuff like that because we aren't like that. Riverside used to be packed with boot wearing skin heads and punks? I used to wear trench coats and and push mosh? Why did I do that? I wanted to get peoples attention and/or piss people off. Thats probably why these kids look like wiggers? Somebody they idolize wears that shit too and they wanna have the attention their idols do.

Speaking of wiggers, I'm sure you are familiar with the moderately popular deathcore band Waking The Cadaver. In case you didn't know, the singer now sells Amway products on MySpace, so if you need shampoo, energy drinks, or meal bars, he can hook you up. How do you think women feel about buying cosmetics from the guy who wrote "Chased Through the Woods By A Rapist"? What do you guys do for spare cash when you're desperate?
I personally don't care, but if I need to make money I sell things that you can't buy in stores. If you know what I mean?


We didn't have hot scene girls at hardcore shows in the 90s, but kids these days don't have motherfucking EXCESSIVE FORCE! *cough* OK, I can't lie. We definitely got a raw deal- Dan Gump is hardly worth trading for Melissa Millionaire. I'll try to make myself feel better by counting how many backpacks and pairs of denim shorts are in this video.

You are from Southern California, which makes me think of all the awesome hardcore bands that I moshed my balls off to in the 90s: Adamantium, Excessive Force, Wrench, Throwdown, and especially 18 Visions. I tripped the fuck out the other day when I was at a gas station and they played Burn Halo, the new band featuring Jame Shart, the former singer of 18V. Did you ever see 18V? What did you think of their transition from JNCOs and dreads to Velvet Revolver-meets-Marilyn Manson? What do you think the future holds for Jame Shart and Burn Halo?
Yeah I've seen 18V i never was a big fan but I used to love Adamantium. I really thought 18V fell off hard in like 03-04 when James started looking like Scott Wieland? I really don't know what the future is for them or him? I think they will tour and try and get big in the main stream but even if they get any big success it won't last long. No one with even the slightest heavy side lasts in the main stream anymore it's a pathetic scene. Maybe if James' last name was Jonas there would be a chance.

In 2009, girls that look like this listen to Skinless, I Declare War and Suicide Silence. We were lucky to have The Great Kat. Why wasn't I born 15 years later? Fuck life.

I started going to shows in 1989. Back then, absolutely no hot girls went to shows or listened to hardcore, metal or whatever. Fortunately for you kids, it seems like there is no shortage of hot, crazy scene girls at shows these days- in fact, Suicide Silence seems especially popular with them. What would you do if you were transported to 1991 and your shows were suddenly full of nothing but outcasts and chronic masturbaters in XXXL Morbid Angel shirts, as was the case back then? What advice do you have for up-and-coming bands as far as chicks go?
If I was back then I'd be stoked because it'd be easier to spot the hot chick you want to party with after the show since there were hardly any. As far as advice for up-and-coming bands, I'd say be ready for a continuous dry spell in metal chicks because grunge is coming to ruin it for you. So take what you can get!

Perhaps the most compelling endorsement of their status as a legit metal band is the seemingly endless stream of subhumanly stupid white trash fans flocking to see them in this video

Please watch the following videos and give me your first impression in a few sentences:
Which is your favorite and why??
I'd rather not waste my time watching any of that crap. It will just piss me off more.

Bro. There is this thing called a "gym"...

That's it for us. Thanks for your time, is there anything you would like to add?
This interview put me in a bad mood.

48 comments:

  1. Last picture did this whole interview. Motherfucker looks like a pile of twigs.

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  2. 'No Time to Bleed' is maybe my favorite metal album of the year. But this dude seems a little dense though, which is disappointing.
    Glad they're carrying the Pantera-ish pot-merch torch with stuff like this and songs like "Smoke"

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  3. haaaaa this dude was lame...I say next you should interview Cemetery Rapist, unless I beat you to it....

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  4. only amatures cup the mic with their hands when growling

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  5. I keep trying to play spot the swastika in that dudes tattoos there has to be one there. Im really hoping the tattooist slipped one in between his shoulder blades. Plus hell im a skinny fuck but at least my arms have some freaking definition and im a fucking librarian.

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  6. favorite part is the FMX stunts in the last video. you have to be from riverside to appreciate that kind of xtreme brutality. to the max

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  7. The FMX is a nice confirmation that they are indeed from Riverside! Or Temecula.

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  8. Why all the question marks after his answers? Does he talk like one of those vacuous SoCal brahs whose voice goes up at the end of every sentence so that he sounds like he's always asking a question even when he isn't?

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  9. The reason I love Sarge's updates is because he's so fascinated with the fashion trends of various genres? Like the mesh shorts? Those are hilarious? Also the whole "NCOs and dreads to Velvet Rvolver-meets-Marilyn Manson" thing had me laughing so hard? It made me think of Blindside and what they would have been like had they discovered Myspace fashion? Holy crap I just looked Blindside up on Wikipedia? They are still together? I could have swore they broke up...? Well that kills my joke? God damnit?

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  10. Also, thanks to this update my standards in finding a mate have been raised yet again. I will not date any girls unless they listen to Skinless. That is SO hot.

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  11. @Smug:

    Greetings,
    Unfortunately, you cannot come to Suicide Silence, because it would blow your fragile mind to pieces. You are obviously weak, and weak people are not allowed at GoS. I suggest that you stop listening to Suicide Silence.

    Regards,
    Savage

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  12. so i am checking my emails, when i see a new comment from last f.m! i went to check it immediately, some guy send me a link, to a site which pissed me off just from the headline, but as i was reading through masses of bullshit from people who should get a proper job instead of harassing a band as if they were still in high school bullying people. By the way, it is my last f.m. profile, and it is NOT me on the picture, i was really bored and put a hot chick as my avatar. so your point about the stereotypical Suicide Silence listener is worth less than a jew in WW 2, im not a racist, see this as a humorous comparison. i have not much more to say, this site sucks, not just beause i really like Suicide silence and they wrote some stupid things about them, even if it was about tokio hotel, who i dont listen to at all, it would still piss me off, because its so cheap writing "total fuckfaces" about people on the internet. you are just big behind your screen. hope you grow up some time

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  13. it would still piss me off, because its so cheap writing "total fuckfaces" about people on the internet

    Bro, if you actually read the interview you would know that those were HIS words, not mine.

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  14. And also, is it not obvious that the entire point of this post is that I actually LIKE Suicide Silence? You're a little slow.

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  15. where is he saying that? i just kipped most of the text because it was such a pain to read

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  16. I hope this guy gets easily assaulted Georges St-Pierre style with an officially licensed Entorturement tea kettle, courtesy of your local Slamway agent, Donald Compan.

    So, is Johnny Puffy-Vest of Winds of Plague the only one in deathcore who isn't a complete tool?

    By the way, Sarge, do you have a legitimate reason why you haven't interviewed Bobby Rock yet?

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  17. holy shit what a douche! I had to suffer through SS opening for Carcass... what a shitful excuse for a band. and how could you have NO sense of humor when your entire band is such a fucking joke? oh, that last pic - HILARIOUS - dude needs to stop worrying about the trendy tatts and fucking have a sandwich. pussy band for scene-ster jackholes.

    ps- fuck you 'Savage', your ' heavy band' couldn't wipe Carcass' ass. WEAK fucking 'breakdown' riffs every 2 seconds doesn't equal 'heavy'. you cunt.

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  18. The_Hate_Tank: Simmer down big guy! savage is way down with us other jerks. He even brought his famous deviled eggs to last month's MI Corporate Retreat. His comment was in reference to a "denial" email I received once when I tried to go to a yearly black metal show in Colorado called Gathering of Shadows.

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  19. ah, I'm all relaxed now. 'cunt' is a term of endearment don't ya know.

    however, I do get enraged when this band "Suicide Silence" is lauded by any person as being good in any sense of the word 'good'.

    gag me with a spoon. oh wait, I'll just look at Mr. Birdchest with all the jank tattoos all over him again. that should summon the vomit mechanism faster than his band's music.

    BABABOOEY to y'all.

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  20. So, is Johnny Puffy-Vest of Winds of Plague the only one in deathcore who isn't a complete tool?

    To be fair, everybody else in Winds of Plague was really nice and cool too.

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  21. I knew this was a Sarg. post as soon as I saw praise for the hipster band Winds of Plague for their music and not for the hot keyboardist.

    This band isn't bad, but isn't good. Like an emo crunk lead singer fronting a gay, faceless Cannibal Corpse.

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  22. AHH----shit, I knew someone would get bent out of shape because they didnt get the Gathering of Shadows reference. I felt "easily assaulted" there for a second.

    by the way i really feel the need to type out lots of question marks.

    ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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  23. Something something... case of the Mondays.

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  24. "Bro. There is this thing called a "gym"..."

    There's also this stuff known as "food". I'd probably be stangry too if I never ate.

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  25. Just when I thought you couldn't top the comedy of the other interviews, you did it with this one?

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  26. Uh oh. I quite like the band, but this is bloody embarrassing. Good work fellas!

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  27. Yeah, me too- like I said in the intro, I wanted to cover them here because I wrote them off for no good reason when in fact they are really good.

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  28. Funniest thing I've read in weeks!

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  29. In the video their singer really makes nice use of the wigger-bounce.

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  30. Man, stangry describes that guy perfectly. It's always disappointing to find out that people are just as stupid as you actually think they are. Then again, I would be pretty mad if I spent all that money getting lame sailor jerry tatoos just so i can take off my shirt and have the 17 year old scene chick burst out laughing because I look like I have leukemia.

    And how about that Sweedish dude in te comments? Few things are more amusing to read than someone try to get mad in broken English.

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  31. this interview = art.

    i don't think this guy can even begin to understand what it was like back in the day. in south florida, all death metal shows in 1991 had only one female in the crowd...and she was in a wheelchair, and super super fat. no joke.

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  32. Lucho, don't you think he looks like me when he has short hair?? I'd go so far as to say we could pass for fraternal twins, or at least brothers.

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  33. 'What would you do if you were transported to 1991 and your shows were suddenly full of nothing but outcasts and chronic masturbaters in XXXL Morbid Angel shirts'

    Brilliant, I remember it like it was yesterday...

    This interview made me stangry, I don't even know what stangry is, I'm too old and bitter but I am it right now.

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  34. That total fuckface meade me piss in my pants.
    The retarded Swede also: "masses of bullshit from people who should get a proper job instead of harassing a band as if they were still in high school "
    he didn't eve see the pic says "female" on it or wait is it he has been hit by the Dan Martinez (of Cretin) syndrome ???????????????

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  35. Hilarious, however Suicide Silence, Converge and Relapse Records all equally fucking suck... HARD.

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  36. If you like Suicide Silence I hope you're raped with a chainsaw

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  37. These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I happy to find many good point here in the post, writing is simply great, thank you for the post

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  38. SO many times I read stupid post but this time I must say i'm impressed! Well done! Cheers!

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  39. Suicide Silence is an American extreme metal band from Riverside, California.

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  40. Some posts really matters because they are valueable, I have found your post very valueable.

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  41. Very value able post, I read the whole story when I start reading it.

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  42. I enjoyed reading your post and found it to be informative and to the topic. Thank you for not rambling on and on just to fill the page.
    silk sarees

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  43. Band show is my favorite . Like this post .

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