Friday, September 4, 2009

Metal Chicks - The good, the bad, but mostly the ugly



When I was a young teenager and my hormones were moshing through my blood to the beat of Exodus' "Pleasures of the Flesh", I never thought I'd ever score with a metal chick. They were very rare creatures back then and usually went for the older dudes who smoked Marlboro reds and wore Motley Crue shirts. Even with my razor blade earring, a short whimpy dude with a mullet, a Slayer shirt and no game, just didn't stand a chance. I thought I was condemned to a life of jerkin' it to pictures of Lita Ford and Doro Pesch (and of course Tracy Lords and Ginger Lynn). As years went by, I got more confidence and by the early 90s (with more girls into metal) my options multiplied ten-fold. Imagine my ecstasy when I finally landed a GF my senior year in high school. She wore a Testament shirt and owned a Benediction cassette! At the time there was no hotter chick. She was the queen of our loser metal circle and she was going out with me. She wasn't with Tiger, the drummer for a horrible local thrash band who drove a pick-up truck with a Metallica sticker on the back window. No, sir! She was my GF and all I drove was my moms' 1986 Subaru! She thought my Jason Newsted haircut was awesome and would actually request Napalm Death on my mom's car stereo when we made out in the parking lot of the middle school at night. I lost my virginity to this Metal Goddess (on the back-seat of the Subaru). Of course, our love didn't last. I moved after graduating and that was it. I never even knew her last name. I have not seriously dated any other metal chicks since. I did play Unleashed while fucking some girl in college once and I still try to play Dystopia while getting busy as often as possible, but it's just not the the same, you know?. Those 3 months were the only times in my pathetic life I actually lived the dream. For 3 glorious months I had a hot metal chick. Of course I look at photos of her now and she was pretty skanky.

These days I exclusively date really hot girls (follow my Twitter for proof), so that means none of my ladies are into metal. The hesher stereotype of a metal fan is like fucking kryptonite to hot ladies. It's a fact: super hot chicks, don't like metal. Of course, I'm not saying all metal girls are porkers, but do you think Jessica Alba knows or gives a shit who Trey Azagthoth is? I never tell chicks that I like metal, much less that I write for this shitty blog. I don't give a shit about scene points. I just wanna get my knob polished and, maybe, a ride on the meat-coaster.
Still, there's a small part of me that longs for a hot metal chick... I think about it from time to time. So, I decided to look into metal chicks again and see what (if anything) I'd been missing. Let's start with my long lost past...



LITA FORD / JOAN JETT


God, these girls were SO fucking hot. For a barley pubescent boy into Kiss and Iron Maiden, a band like The Runaways was the only thing better than my sister's Wet'n'Wild bathing suit catalog. To this day, this picture gets my crank going. Even though I now think this is the hottest Lita Ford ever looked, back then I thought she looked a little plain, and I loved glammed-up Lita better. And sure, now I realize Joan Jett looked like Freddy Mercury, but at the time Joan Jett was a wet dream come true. Well, not really "wet", since my boys weren't really swimming yet, but you know what I mean.


Joan Jett has even aged well. I'd hit that! Not so much with Lita Ford. She looks like the lady in the flea market that sells Indian dream catchers... I'll pass, thanks.




DORO PESCH

I'd never heard Warlock as a kid, but that didn't stop me from hanging a poster of Doro on my bedroom wall as I fantasized about what I'd do to her if I ran into her in the woods in Germany while listening to Running Wild on my walkman. Doro was not hot at all, but the leather pants and metal look was too much for my naive testosterone-filled body, and plenty of chubbies were popped. I still haven't heard (nor care to) Warlock or any of her subsequent stuff, but somehow I know I'm not missing much at all. Talking about not missing much, if Doro wasn't much back then, she sure ain't shit now.

Girl, you went from singing in a band called Warlock to looking like one.
Harry Potter was right to be scared of you, Voldemort!




VIXEN

Again, I've never heard Vixen and I'm pretty fucking sure I don't want to, but in 1988 they were the object of my adoration. Dude, their drums were shaped like a motorcycle! I now realize they weren't all that and that they sorta look like Angela Bauer, but I was young, and like I said, my metal chicks options were limited. Here's another bunch of gals to whom the years have not been kind.

Ouch. This looks like the Knox County Thursday-night knitting and bridge club.


OTHER "HOT" CHICKS FROM THE 80's

The Great Kat... Yeah, she was never really hot. Ever. She was just fucking trashy and creepy... see this.


I was told there was 2 chicks in Madam X, but I can't tell which is which.


Just as with the image above, I can't tell who in Girlschool is a dude and who's just an ugly broad!





CYCLE SLUTS FROM HELL

Around the early 90's Headbanger's Ball introduced me the CSFH. I'm sure without the make-up and denim vests these girls were average cows, but nothing made my tadpole splash like the "I Wish You Were a Beer" video on Saturday nights.





JO BENCH

Of all the girls featured on this post, Jo Bench is the only one I still have a crush on. Maybe it's cuz I still listen to Bolt Thrower, or because I think girls with British accents are hot. In person, she's prolly pretty nasty, but Jo can sit on my Bench whenever she wants to.





MYTHIC

I saw Mythic live a loooooong time ago and let me tell you, they were NOT hot. Still, a lady wearing a Morgoth long sleeve has a way of getting under my skin. If you wanna know how Sergeant D feels about these ladies (and Nuclear Death), click here.





DEMONOMACY

I had both of these ladies' demos and even saw them live once, while living in Miami in the early 1990s. They were sloppy at best and musically, as repetitive and generic as any Florida band back then. Even from this blurry and dark picture we can make out that they were no models, but they were in a Death Metal band and when I was 17, that's the only thing that mattered.




A FEW FINAL NOTES:

Listen, not all the ladies mentioned above may be Playboy material (most aren't even good enough for Amateur Allure, actually), but at least they were fucking born before "Live After Death" came out. This dumb Miley Cyrus retarded-ass-whore dares wear this Maiden tee? Seriously? I want to punch her in her ribs. And set her hair on fire.



We know Black Metal dudes look like douche bags, but BM girls are WAY worse. BM girls are just pathetic, sad and plain gross.




Listen guys, the fact is that we all want a hot metal chick like what's her face from Lacuna Coil, but we have to face it: most metal girls were plain ugly.

95 comments:

  1. Writing black on black may be TRVE, but it's also fucking unreadable.

    ReplyDelete
  2. highlight that shit francois.

    also you should reevaluate your stance on Ms. Bench, Mr. Krusher.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:JoBench.jpg

    I love Bolt Thrower, but for fucks sake man, for fucks sake.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Check out the chick from french doom-sludge band, MONARCH: she's really hot!

    ReplyDelete
  4. joan jett is way hotter now than she was with the runaways.

    and i'd still give it to jo bench.

    but of my fave metal babes is sabina classen of holy moses. 20 years ago, that is.

    http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/39/l_834e3944f74249bc8d4a74f3d9082672.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your problem is you're in the US. There's plenty of hot metal chicks in Europe, the UK and Australia.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Anonymous

    That's what I did, but it was still a pain in the ass to read. Glad it's back to normal.

    Anyway, I agree that there's plenty of hot metal chicks in Europe these days. But back in the early 90s, they were nowhere to be found.

    ReplyDelete
  7. sorry about the black text...damn blogger is acting up. I think i fixed it to the best of my abilities.

    Jo Bench's nose....oooofah. bad news.

    ReplyDelete
  8. i fixed the shit... i think.

    Anonymous @5:58am: Touché, she looks pretty ragged on that pic.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Most metal chicks look like female versions of most metal dudes? Perish the thought!

    ReplyDelete
  10. on a completely unrelated note, i love that one of our tags (with 7 posts, no less) is Paul Rand. haha! we are idiots.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jo Bench rules!
    Also, much like many of my metal lady friends, I dig Autopsy, Hellhammer, and Eyehategod, possess a vagina, and am not hideous by any stretch of the imagination. The trick is to look past the USA and out towards the rest of the world - European metal chicks are smokin'. For once, the Sarg is wrong!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Joan Jett today has a more amazing body than most women half her age. Period. As for Doro, she just fucking rules as a singer.

    And though I appreciate this post overall, trust me, metal is no aesthetic paradise for women hoping for male eye candy, either.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The first time I saw hot girls in a concert was in a Bad Religion/Biohazard concert in 1993. The ones in metal shows were difficult to distinguish from fat ugly guys. Cute girls tended towards hardcore more than metal (at least in Argentina).

    ReplyDelete
  14. Here is a recent pic of me and Doro, and keep in mind that she's 45 years old:

    http://farm1.static.flickr.com/151/415593930_6bfcd5c543_o.jpg

    Come on, she looks fucking great!

    ReplyDelete
  15. guav,
    that picture of Doro is unusual...isn't it? she does look very good in that picture though.

    Zena metal,
    you're certainly right. metal dudes are no treat eitehr. just watch footage of Dark Angel letting their flabby bellies fly under the sweet denim vests. ouuuuuch.

    Regarding Joen Jett, has it ever been settled if she's gay or not? i've heard crazy rumors, including her dating female celebrities and such.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Unusual in what way? Maybe she normally doesn't photograph that well—I haven't seen a lot of recent pictures of her.

    But I remember thinking she looked amazing when I was talking to her, and in person she looked like she looks in that photo ... maybe even better.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love Joan Jett and interviewed her a bunch, too, including once for Inked. When I asked what her triangle tat symbolized (it's a big GAY motif), she didn't give a direct answer. Nor did she include gay rights among her list of political causes—she's actually a huge, active Democratic party supporter—when I asked about that.

    It's kind of odd, really, because she IS gay. She played the Dinah Shore Classic, for fuck's sake.

    One last thought: Metal is ugly music made for ugly people. Pure and simple. And that's why we love it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. "And though I appreciate this post overall, trust me, metal is no aesthetic paradise for women hoping for male eye candy, either."

    HAHAHAHA!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i didnt mean to insult girls into metal, but on average metal ppl are fucking ugly.

    "One last thought: Metal is ugly music made for ugly people. Pure and simple. And that's why we love it."

    Amen, sister! except for me, metal is pretty ugly. haha!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm writing in regards to the part of the post that included Mythic, specifically the part where they were "not hot." I actually got a chance to meet Mary Bielich in mid-2001 when she booked my band in Pittsburgh. Dude, she was smokin! Suffice it to say, she looked alot different than that album cover pick. Maybe it's because all of us were ugly death metal scumbags, but skinny, long hair and a tiny waste is usually hot.

    ReplyDelete
  21. She has a "tiny waste"? Does that mean her turds look like little rabbit pellets?

    ReplyDelete
  22. I guess I'm a little younger than ya'll but I'm suprised that the girl from White Zombie isn't on here. An atrocious band, but yeah, there was a chick hiding behind that hair, and you could imagine she was smokin' behind that frock.


    But I'd submit that you are wrong about Black metal lady fans.

    I would definitely suggest looking for ladies at black metal shows... in LA.
    I've seen many a hotty there.

    I have no idea if they really like the music or a mass message from Suicide Girls dispatched them, but who cares really?

    Both black metal and death metal are silly, but black metal bands don't seem self conscious so they can maintain more of a bad boy allure (as opposed to cromagnon-potthead-horror-geek DM archetypes). Its also the simpler and melodic bands that girls seem to dig.

    its hard to understand, but there are some hot girls waiting for their pseudonym-ed boy friends to get out of jail.

    maybe its just the costumes? sure is the glam of our age.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Guav, actually made me LOL, for real!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. "chicks i would fuck if I had access to the Nocturnus time machine" HAHA, what an amazing tag!dude this is so.damn.awesome.

    I never could have guessed in 10000 years that I would hear a reference to "I wish you were a beer" today. Wow.

    I saw Bolt Thrower in Chicago in 1994 and it was totally incredible. Something magical happened though....towards the end of the set, Jo Bench got pissed (about something) and walked off stage. They played the last few songs without her (not that you can hear the bass in BT anyway). Then next day Im pretty sure they cancelled their appearence at Milwaukee Metal Fest. To this day, I have no idea what I witnessed.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Man, you're not looking in the right places. I know so many seriously hot rocker chicks in San Francisco... myself included.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You didn't talk about the absolute WORST example of metal chick, the pseudo singer from Arch Enemy.
    Sickening mellow mallcore with horrible, flat, heavily effected growls.
    But their average audience don't notice that, because she's gorgeous and their ears are full of cum.

    ReplyDelete
  27. There was an 80's band called Rock Goddess, I was totally enthralled by the blonde girl in that band, whoever she was. But wow, were they ever awful...

    And speaking of awful, anyone remember Girlschool? Basically the female version of Motorhead and arguably not much better looking.

    ReplyDelete
  28. What about Doughnuts? Were they hot? Were they metal? I can't remember anymore...

    Sean from White Zombie was indeed a beautiful woman(in 1989 at least). And I still love "Make Them Die Slowly".

    ReplyDelete
  29. I also disagree with the eastetics of the nowdays black metal / Gothic Metal girls (not tht i especially like any of these styles). We have plenty of beatyfill BM/GM girls in Europe well i do bump into some pretty ones at festival sbut i'm waysted. I also honestly agree back in the days there were almost no girls into metal or horrible ones with only rare exceptions.
    By the way heay Sabina Claasen i' woul have fucked her 20 years ago no problem.
    As for girlschol here's a pics from last June at Hellfest VIP corner
    http://www.hiboox.fr/go/images-100/zz,1d7d8d598eb5cef44e07c21659bf8f6e.jpg.html

    http://www.hiboox.fr/go/images/musique/ar,ef4666df4a66614f827a0f8d46405a5a.jpg.html

    http://www.hiboox.fr/go/images-100/aq,f316151caea96dd9168f484f493091ba.jpg.html

    ReplyDelete
  30. That picture of the Runaways is the later lineup - hottest girl in the Runaways was former singer Cherie Currie, who is absent from that picture. And Joan is a big dyke.

    ReplyDelete
  31. "Man, you're not looking in the right places. I know so many seriously hot rocker chicks in San Francisco... myself included."

    i hear this shit all the time, even from girls here in NYC. the trouble is either you hide when im around, or you aren't as hot as you think.

    ReplyDelete
  32. we had just the same lame sex life (because of our love for metal) dude, at just about the same time ! I could have written all that shit !
    Hila fucking rious

    ReplyDelete
  33. "We know Black Metal dudes look like douche bags, but BM girls are WAY worse. BM girls are just pathetic, sad and plain gross."

    AMEN. Just go to Hole In The Sky or Inferno Festival in Norway and check it with your own eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  34. "She wore a Testament shirt and owned a Benediction cassette!"

    Lord have mercy

    ReplyDelete
  35. I have to admit, I kinda have a crush on the singer of gallhammer:
    http://somatoxin.files.wordpress.com/2008/11/gallhammer_1.jpg?w=360&h=495
    although that band is awful.

    Speaking of japan, I'll be near fukuoka for the next six months, anyone knows some good venues/record stores etc. I really don't know where else to ask...

    ReplyDelete
  36. OK, everybody is forgetting the guitarist out of Electric Wizard, she's way hot:

    http://www.metalhammer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/liz-wizard.jpg

    and what about Gallhammer?

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2365/2364805605_bb08054037_o.jpg

    Vivian is pretty fuckable, but then I go mad for Jap women anyway, so maybe it's just me.

    I always thought Girlschool were a band made up of Cave Trolls.

    ReplyDelete
  37. fuck, beaten to the Gallhammer reference by Clement...

    ReplyDelete
  38. i have to side with Skullcrusher on this one. I remember thinking Karen Crysis was hot just "because" she "sang" death metal...if that's what it was considered now, i dunno in hindsight.

    If I ever saw a "hot chick" at any kind of show for metal (at least in the 90s), she was usually dating someone in the band...or several members of the band for that matter.

    Finally, one of my fave sexist jokes from my crusty/beardo scene days: "how can you tell if a crusty girl is on her period? She's only wearing one sock"

    ReplyDelete
  39. I think we're spared by the rarity of girls in metal bands. There's a weird formula for crustcore bands to have girl singers and it doesn't really work. See here

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9X2V1VLsYs

    ReplyDelete
  40. ETHS singer Candice is fuckable although the band plain sucks (Korn with à girl singing)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0yTeqawU2k&feature=related

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AsYuJFTYaA&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  41. guav, you know girls don't poop.

    ReplyDelete
  42. what's not working there demogorgo?

    ReplyDelete
  43. pat slayer of poseursSeptember 5, 2009 at 8:26 AM

    @ Lady Metal.

    I SO agree. black metal chicks are at least as bad as black metal dudes. they are usually indistinguishable from goth latex-adorned barrel-shaped failures. in fact they are usually one and the same. I just as much want to shoot myself when I see their kind as when I see kids looking like Brokencyde. I'll go listen to Grief now to come down.

    tl;dr. MI: if you haven't already, make a post about fail BM/Goth/I am the prince(ss) of darkness incidents. it's as old as self-degrading fashion senses, but nonetheless always good for a chuckle.

    ALSO: WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MI SHIRTS, YOYOS ETC.???!!!?!!1

    ReplyDelete
  44. I have been banging a BM chick for the past month or so and she's as fit as fuck. The exception that proves the rule perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
  45. 1. Joan Jett is fucking hot as FUCK, good God. She has been absolutely bangin since the 70s, what a woman. Awesome hair and style, too.

    2. How about that girl Lisa who was in Kittie?? Damn.
    http://www.peta2.com/outthere/page/lisaveganhoodiesm.jpg
    I don't know her but she is from Seattle and used to be in a hardcore band with some good friends- I wish I knew her... in the Biblical sense. Holy fuck what a hottie.

    ReplyDelete
  46. My wet dream was definitely Lee Aaron. Who has aged very very well. To bad she left metal behind.

    ReplyDelete
  47. For my money, this is the hottest chick in metal-

    http://www.documentingreality.com/forum/attachments/f171/57864d1245115775-francine-boucher-francine-boucher-echoes-eternity.jpg

    ...even though the band is fucking terrible, but whatever

    ReplyDelete
  48. hawt. two minor issues though.

    first, her reflection in that photo reveals that her nose is not as perfect as her boobies.

    second, she is wearing bleached jeans. I know I'm an ignorant mofo that way, but that makes my white trash sensors act up.

    I'd still hit it though.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Sarge - Being able to hang around Lisa was always the best part of playing shows with To See You Broken. It was crazy when she went to be in Kittie and they finally had an attractive girl in the band.

    ReplyDelete
  50. There was also this all female speed/thrash band called Original Sin. Remember them? Story goes around it was actually a studio project based around David DeFeis from Virgin Steele. Also no beauty queens, if memory serves me right.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Ouch, Lee Aaron was the hottest rock chick...and Fleetwood Mac's Nicks, altough not metal, was hot, too.
    Anyway, never listened to any metal while doing sex...I prefer techno music.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I used to date a Finnish Metal girl for over three years. I own all of you. Of course in Finland hot metalchicks are rather hard to miss. After we split up she took a habbit in phoning me up at night, dead pissed of course, to tell some groupie stories about some bass-player or drummer she'd hit on. Memories...

    Hey didn't David Vincent and his missus have some sex-metal act And what about Rockbitch? XXX-rated metal band with girls that would blow guys from the audience, on stage. Also in Belgium we had an early eighties speedmetalband called Acid with a pretty good girl singer. Music is good, singer more or less fits the stereotype: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=107019781&albumID=511399&imageID=45581235
    There used to be some brittish Wicca / Occult themed band with girls too. Massive influence on those early doom bands but I forgot the name.

    cheers

    ReplyDelete
  53. Laura Harris (Steve's daughter) is pretty damn hot and has a true metal pedigree with her pop being in Maiden. On the other hand, her band sucks arse. As other people have said, step outside the US and attend a European metal summer festival!

    I scored with a German chick at one a while back and she a) had great taste in music, b) was a really nice lass and c) was awesome in the sack.

    My ex before last was also the single most beautiful woman I've ever seen, dated or slept with - and a rock chick. Shame she turned out to be a lying, cheating bitch *shrug*

    But seriously, dude - head over here one summer and check out Download, Graspop, Rock Am Ring... there are well over 50 metal festivals in Europe each year!

    ReplyDelete
  54. I figured out the name of the band I refered to earlier, Coven. Pretty apt given their witchcraft schtick. The singer is a hippie cum witch hottie.
    Jinx Dawson.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Stevhan - she's not bad, I just did a google for her. Mind, that's not the band that sprang to mind when you mentioned Coven. I've got an LP from one that's maybe 15 years old - more of a kiddy thrash band with rather silly lyrics.

    I seem to remember liking it when I was too young to know better.

    ReplyDelete
  56. youre smokin crack out of a steel reserve can- the great kat is fuckin hot,or was,i dunno what she looks like now,but the picture youre using is of her looking hot as hell with bigass tittys

    ReplyDelete
  57. great kat has always had terrible, yellow teeth

    http://www.globalhermit.com/vegas2005/great-kat.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  58. http://fotofanatic-metalgirls.blogspot.com/2008/10/syang-pus.html

    Brazil Wins.

    ReplyDelete
  59. There are a lot of hot girls into deathcore. Most of the people I've met who listen to that shit eventually choose a musical side: emo or death metal. I'm guessing the majority of those girls will choose the former, but I'm holding out hope that one day I'll see a Vanessa Hudgens-like hottie sporting a glittery Unleashed shirt.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Most Girls into Metal I meet tend to not lisen to any Metal past 23 (here in the U.S.) I do know some that are a little older but from what Ive noticed in my years of being into metal that they tend not to stick with it. Not saying all girls but a majority. i guess it depends on location. Where I live theres only a handful of metal girls/women in their 30's.
    The Hipster, Beardo, Deathcore, Nu metal shows draws females more than the death/black metal shows.
    At Least where I live at least.

    ReplyDelete
  61. god miley is sooo friggin fine.

    the great kat is fuckin hot as shit. she's a retard, but hell... what woman isn't?

    Jett would still get pounded, and Kristen Stewart playing Jett would get molested beyond belief.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Great Kat = Lady Gaga.

    I rest my case.

    ReplyDelete
  63. LMFAO dude, awesome post! I'm married to a hot metal chick though. Not in a "my wife's hot because she's my wife" bullshit way; in a "tall, dark hair, tattoos, great ass" way. Plus she's smart. My concern is one day she'll realise I'm an overweight under-achiever...

    Oh, and I had a hard on for Ann Wilson from Heart when I was growing up. Only from the neck up mind.

    M
    \m/

    ReplyDelete
  64. Funny that Zena Metal is on here posting about ugly metal ladies/dudes as she is, hands down, the hottest metal lady I've ever met.

    Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  65. dood, wendy o. williams, ha ha. and what about the women of ludicra?? there were three in the band at one point, i think--they fucking rock too. Or Kylesa--i'm not too into that band, but she's a looker. Lastly, the woman from nashville pussy--terrible band, not metal at all, but shit, she could spit fireballs.

    ReplyDelete
  66. We are seriously a bunch of stupid fucking assholes if none of us even thought of mentioning Wendy O Williams until now. Fuck.

    Just a reminder:

    http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj320/satellite77/wendybackbend.jpg

    http://www.kissfaq.com/albumcovers/cover_wow_large.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  67. glad to see Sarge D mention Kittie.. i remember at least 2 of those girls being cute but it looks like they've had quite a few lineup changes..

    does that chick Paz who played bass for a Perfect Circle and Zwan count as a "metal chick"? she's freakin' HOTT! she's also from south america so Lucho should be psyched.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Venus Penis Crusher from Cycle Sluts from Hell is now known as Vas Kallas from the band Hanzel und Gretyl, and hey, she can scream really well and I find her attractive. So what do I know?

    ReplyDelete
  69. Black Math Horseman
    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3655/3385305942_905169be29.jpg

    Kayo Dot
    http://www.tinymixtapes.com/IMG/jpg/news-kayo_dot.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  70. hmm Kylesa? Laura P is man with tits, she sings with a more manly voice than the other dude, phil, she walks like a man, she holds her guitar like a man, she has more tats than the rest of the band combined. Hell I think she beats the guys in the band with her stony dreadsif they don't answer to her call immediately. Good band though.

    http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/77/l_6d2f10887ae2d2d3dc900ebbfcf00b81.jpg
    apparently a Swiss doom band called ShEver. 4 girls i guess two pairs of ugly friend / hot friend. must be a helluva lot of bitching in the tourbus.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Check out the Motorpsychos from Pittsburgh

    ReplyDelete
  72. gee. more and more evidence that you are an uneducated misogynist. its funny how you think varg vikernes is a moron because of his nationalist and racialist views when your views with regard to gender make you a bigger imbecile than the count could ever hope to be.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Jo Bench. True Mmmmmmetal \m/ \m/

    ReplyDelete
  74. I have a huge crush on Jo Bench. She is a beautiful woman, and she plays in fucking Bolt Thrower.

    Any females I've met who are into Black Metal have all been very attractive.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Girlschool are a British heavy metal band originating from 1978 but wher also called Painted Lady in 1975.
    www.girlschool.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  76. Back in the day there weren't that many girls into metal. I can remember going to shows and being one of about 10 or 20 girls in a venue of 200. I have noticed in the last few years of going to Ozzfest and Mayhemfest that more chicks are getting into metal and many are hot.
    There is going to be a new website called babes and metal that will feature girls who are die hard metal fans that are hot. You can relive your childhood romance. I will be filming next week for the site and although I will probably be the oldest chick on the site I have the bod of a 25 year old.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I just have to tell you a secret. From a true blue metal chick with a Slayer tattoo and all, I have to to say that metal chicks are harder to spot, not non-existent. I shop and wear designer clothes, sit through the bullshit they call music on the radio with my friends, lay out on the beach, and come home to Iced Earth, Exodus, Megadeth, and maybe if I'm feeling it some Mayhem, Darkthrone, and Emperor.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Some of the most beautiful and intense music I've ever heard has been metal. People who compose metal masterpieces are among the most gifted of musicians, hands down. They [generally] are far from the shallow and disgusting concerns posted in this article. Most of the girls here are barely metal at all, anyway. We're all beautiful in our own right, and it's childish to make it a prime concern, or really even that much of a concern at all. Bah... Hot or Not? This isn't vucking VH1, losers.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I have to agree wth that one anonymous post, metal chicks are just harder to spot. Sure i wear my slit up slayer shirt every now and then or an iron maiden , but usually i just wean jeans and a some sort of tank top. I don't think im a goddess but i know im not exactly ugly or mediocre looking. Most guys see good looks and assume dumb prep. But that is definitley not the case. Everyone who looks at my cds or pod is always shocked. You need to just look much more carefully.

    ReplyDelete
  80. I'm a mid thirties woman who's been a metalhead since I was thirteen, and I even notice that there's more women going to shows than even a decade ago. Kudos to that! I have plenty of women friends, but hardly any who listen to the same music and want to go to shows with me. It's partly because many women my age have children or different priorities than I do. It's always fun meeting (usually) younger women and talking to them about their experiences at shows.

    Regarding appearance, not all of us are haggard looking, promiscuous, or involved with drug culture. I've had plenty of assumptions made about my IQ and sexual background simply based on my face and figure, even though I am a historian and have happily been involved with a fellow metal head for 14 years. It seems a little silly to believe that either metal chicks are grotesque hags who are genuinely into the music, and that the more attractive women are simply faux metal heads either dragged there by their boyfriends/husbands or are there primarily to hook up with hot musicians.


    I don't think that because I don't wear black jeans and a well worn Morbid Angel/Cripple Bastards/Soilent Green/whatever band you prefer shirt 24/7, that it somehow translates to me not being passionate about certain bands and loving the experience of going to shows. I hope to be going to shows until I'm too crippled to get out.

    ReplyDelete
  81. These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I happy to find many good point here in the post, writing is simply great, thank you for the post

    ReplyDelete
  82. I'm a 'hot metal chick' according to most people. I know plenty more. I guess theres none in the US :)

    ReplyDelete
  83. What makes a hot chick considered a hot 'metal' chick?

    I've been an avid metal head since my teenage years (I've seen slayer, dying fetus, mayhem, behemoth, children of bodom live to name a few, and ultimately don't listen to music that is not metal).
    I'd say I'm hot (25 yrs 5' 6" 125lbs, C cups, long hair, blue/gray eyes, straight white teeth, etc). I know how to headbang in stilettos, but I don't wear heels to shows where I know there's going to be a worthwhile pit.
    In my daily life people probably couldn't guess I'm into metal at all. I don't wear metal T-shirts everyday -I teach at a university and have to dress 'professionally.' But, I'm afraid that having a career and being hot might actually weaken my metalness in some opinions.
    Since I'm not in a metal band and don't have my whole body covered in tattoos could I still qualify as a hot metal chick?

    I'm sorry that you've resolved to date chicks that are at least hot, and abandoned the fantasy of hot metal chicks.... you're a dude, so I can't blame you for prioritizing your penis' needs. But, you shouldn't assume that all hot chicks have bad taste in music.
    PS I live in a mid-sized city in the US.

    ReplyDelete
  84. SO many times I read stupid post but this time I must say i'm impressed! Well done! Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  85. I think in terms of metal chicks, it's a matter of looking around really. There are actually some quite attractive women who like, and play, metal.

    - Anna Murphy of Eluveitie:
    http://tinyurl.com/7zka3ka

    - Angela Gossow of Arch Enemy:
    http://tinyurl.com/7u2h2dh

    - Simone Simons of Epica
    http://tinyurl.com/7u935ld

    - Masha Scream of Arkona
    http://tinyurl.com/6ubmd9t

    And there are others, e.g.

    Sharon den Adel
    http://tinyurl.com/82byrdq
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sharon_free.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  86. Metal chicks r hot it's true tht not all ofem r hot but as far as i can see almost every metal girl tht i know is hot

    ReplyDelete
  87. The drummer in this band is a chick... and she is SMOKIN hot!
    www.facebook.com/blackawakening

    I am pretty sure it's a new band. They only have one song posted.. and it's pretty bad ass!

    ReplyDelete
  88. The guy who wrote this is a picky douch. Many of the women in the pics are at least pretty cute and the fact that they are into real music makes up for not being amazingly hot. And that last pic?? Is he a complete idiot? The girl in it (not the XXXXXXXL one obviously) is crazy hot!

    ReplyDelete
  89. More relevant, is there some reason that women who enjoy metal, or are contributors to the genre, have to be 'hot'? How exactly is hotness attributed either to positive or negative values?

    Male musicians and fans apparently aren't held to that same standards - there are certainly some metal musicians regarded as attractive, but both those men and others typically get recognition for their talents, not their physiques. There's no "Hottest men in Metal" tour or ranking of 'hot' metal guys, unless it's a parody or a random fan's musings (I really don't have an issue with the later for either gender) Yet we continue to categorize women's talents and interest in metal by how attractive they are. I've learned how to let most of this silliness slide off of my back and just enjoy music, but it doesn't mean there isn't some problematic logic behind those mindsets.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Agreed ^ This 'journalist' isn't even hot himself, nor has he aged like a Clooney. So who the fuck is he too be such a harsh critic of women's appearance. I've never heard anyone inquire about Chuck Billy's ass..jus sayin

    ReplyDelete
  91. to all you lonely gals out there lookin for some excitement well come and see Abraham/dredge and well see if we ourselves can come up with something or maybe a certain amount of past metal chicas can help us by maybe getting something naturally going too I was thinkin a nice long drive maybe watchin some movies then off to my bed and then really let things heat up then rock and makin luv like that yngwie song and then get,er done too after that and in between that movies and stills if gall gals like your selves are up for it that is and even all your gals and so on too luv Abraham/dredge

    ReplyDelete
  92. These design and these photos are impressive .

    ReplyDelete
  93. Are you paying more than $5 per pack of cigarettes? I'm buying all my cigarettes at Duty Free Depot and I'm saving over 70% from cigarettes.

    ReplyDelete