90s power violence: A handful of diamonds in a sea of shit

Imagine you are kneeling in front of a bathtub, and it is filled to the brim with human shit. You're elbow-deep, fishing around in it because you heard there were half a dozen diamonds in this giant container of feces. This is what it would be like to sift through the glut of so-called power violence records that came out in the 90s: almost the entire genre is the worst kind of generic garbage, with a handful of releases rising to the top. Sounds like a waste of time, right? Not so fast: The good stuff is so, so good that it is better than almost anything ever recorded in any genre (if you have heard "Downsided" you know what I'm talking about). Fortunately for those of you who aren't as familiar with the genre as I (regrettably) am, we're here to help.

If you've ever felt like digging into power violence but don't know where to start, this is your download/shopping list. This isn't an MP3 blog, but all this stuff is easy to find on Google Blog Search.

Sarge, you fucking asshole/poser/hipster/homo, this isn't metal
First of all, I hate the term "power violence," but I'll use it because I can't think of anything better and it gets the point across.

I know how angry it makes you jerks when I post about anything that isn't fucking Iron Maiden or whatever, so maybe you are getting butthurt about this post. Maybe you are thinking, "We don't want to read about these dumb hardcore bands from 15 years ago, we want to see pictures of Charlie Benante's spoon collection." If that's what you're thinking, I actually agree with you, and I would post them if I had any, but I don't. So you'll have to settle for this.

Excruciating Terror: Punk as fuck, right? You can tell by the Cypress Hill shirt.

Anyway, a lot of people now think of this stuff as "old school hardcore," but it certainly wasn't seen that way at the time and probably shouldn't be now. Most of the people in the bands and running the labels were sleazy dudes with long hair, Slayer shirts, and meth habits- metal as shit! It's probably hard for any youngsters reading this to imagine it, but in 1992, it definitely wasn't cool to wear Slayer or Metallica shirts to hardcore shows. Hardcore kids have only been seriously jocking metal for maybe 5-7 years- Skullkrusher and I went to a Youth of Today reunion show in 1998 or so wearing Anthrax and King Diamond shirts; we got LOTS of funny looks.

Where are they now: Chris from Apartment 213/Ringworm chilling in his backyard, complete with Larm shirt, folding chair, and plastic playground for the rugrats. One of the best dudes ever!

Punk rock ruined power violence
The thing that turned power violence into such a sea of shit was when PC emo/punk kids started flocking to it around 1997 or so. Spazz is probably to blame for this, as well as Charles Bronson. Actually, it's not their fault they wrote really fun, accessible songs that suburban kids liked, but it definitely made the genre less scummy and dark than, say, Excruciating Terror and No Comment did. Also, they weren't completely fucked up scumbags like most of the people in the early bands, so they were much more approachable and kids could relate to them more.

I have no idea why this dude from Plutocracy/No Less is in jail, but it's pretty much par for the course when it comes to the winners who started all the early bands

Within a few short years, though, what was once a wretched hive of scum and villiany had become flooded with copycat bands and what Nate from Creation Is Crucifixion once called "Locust wizards." It was completely ruined for me at that point. Instead of a bunch of fucked up losers who started bands because they hated life and didn't know what else to do with themselves, it became choked with uptight No Fun Club types who wanted to save the world and write songs about being vegan or the plight of native farmers in Antarctica.

Excruciating Terror with porn actor Randy Spears. This is the kind of awesomely scummy shit that got lost once the Locust wizards invaded.

There were way too many rules and it just got too close to the whole Ebullition/MRR scene for me. Too many assholes with spock haircuts and Swing Kids shirts, not enough alcoholics who worked at gas stations and listened to Ozzy. It was getting way too punk, and I mostly hate punk, especially the extremely dogmatic, shrill kind that was predominant in the late 90s. I got into this shit in the first place because the bands didn't give a fuck about the rules or being the next Noam Chomsky, so I was lost.

Where are they now: Dan from Spazz (right) is focusing on the hip-hop stuff he's been doing since forever as DJ Eons when he's not working as a Matisyahu impersonator.

The gems
When it comes to this genre, you really need to know what specific releases are good. Most of the bands were very inconsistent because they blew what little money they had on drugs, so what you often find is a very hit-and-miss catalog- you can't just pick a band and buy all their records, unless you want to end up with a bunch of crap. Here are the handful of records I consider mandatory. If you know the genre, none of them are surprises, but I'm not trying to impress anyone with my knowledge of the obscure.


Apartment 213 "Vacancy" 7"
This was one of the few good power violence records from a non-California band, and really came out of nowhere. Hailing from Cleveland, these guys were fucking pissed in a way that was different than the West Coast but no less brutal. They changed tempos on a dime just like the West Coast bands, but their slow parts had a downtuned, sludgy feel that added something new to the mix- I always thought they sounded like Infest meets Bloodlet, if such a thing is possible.



The first song on this record, "Mutilation," is absolutely punishing. I still don't think anybody's exactly duplicated it. They re-recorded it for their split with Agoraphobic Nosebleed, but the version on this 7" is much better if for no other reason than it includes what is one of the best samples of all time. It's been a long time since they told me the story behind the answering machine message they sampled, but as I recall it is something like this: Their original drummer, Ron, was banging some girl who dumped him. Ron was calling up her new boyfriend (who I guess was like 18) and threatening him relentlessly. Eventually the poor kid's dad caught wind of it and called Ron, leaving the message that you hear on the record.

Also, I once went to this crappy chain Mexican restaurant called Chi-Chi's with A213's singer, Steve, and his then-wife. As we were saying goodbye, he turned to his wife and said, "You better hurry home, that chimichanga didn't sit too well with me. The toilet's gonna look like the inside of an empty peanut butter jar when I'm done with it." He's a classy guy like that.

Despise You - Discography
Looking back, Despise You and No Comment are the two bands from this era that I listen to the most, probably because they have similarly bleak takes on life. Despise You also takes the cake as the most consistent band of the genre: all their releases are A+ material, in contrast to a band like Capitalist Casualties who has a LOT of crap in their catalog. Usually it's not so much bad songwriting that ruins their records, but awful production.

That is what Chris Elder's normal handwriting looks like, it's fucking amazing.

The other thing is that I appreciate DY even more as I get older, probably because I also get more bitter, jaded, angry and disappointed in myself. DY's singer, Chris Elder, also ran the label Pessimiser, and put out several 16 records in the 90s (check out our interview with them, I think it is pretty great). I've known Chris since I was about 15, and I think I was 18 or 19 when he sent me "Blaze of Incompetence" to review for my old zine. I certainly liked it, but mostly only because it sounded like Fudge Tunnel. I definitely didn't "get it." A couple years ago, I rediscovered that album. With 10 more years of shattered dreams, disappointments, heartbreak, and living around angry poor people under my belt, I "got it" much more than I wish I did. Instead of just rocking out to the riffs, I alternate between crying and punching the wall, in keeping with the "angry surrender" spirit of their lyrics. I called Chris and told him the above, and he just said, "Heh. Yeah dude... now you get it."

"Puppet" has all the pieces that make DY such a sick band: Blasts on the china, lyrics that makes you want to stick your head in the oven, and a breakdown suitable for moshing holes in the walls.

Along with me, Max from Spazz, and occasional MI contributor Awakening, Chris was one of the handful of people in the mid 90s who were into No Comment, Meat Shits, and Phobia as well as Abnegation, Raid, and Mayday. Crossing genre boundaries like that was definitely NOT common back then, so I was super stoked that they didn't give a fuck and just listened to whatever they liked. That's why I was extra bummed when they No Fun Club started listening to this shit and trying to enforce their rulebook.

Here's a pretty good, new interview with Chris.


Psycho/Agathocles split 7"
J/K LOL! This record is so bad it's like something I would have made up in 1994 as a sarcastic joke.


Crossed Out/MITB split 7"
I like MITB just fine, but I don't worship them like all the proto-beardos did/do. They have their moments, but are pretty inconsistent, especially when they got into the noise shit (a complete waste of vinyl if you ask me). This is their finest release by far in my opinion, with songs like "Snake Apartment" and "Screwdriver In The Urethra Of Tomas Lenz." The people who were way into MITB were/are usually weird, annoying people with poor social skills and bad hygiene... just like the band! I interviewed Eric Wood when I was 15 or 16 for my zine and was very, very confused. He reminded me more of my parents' burned out hippie friends who did too many drugs than someone who would be in a hardcore band. He didn't even like Youth Of Today, WTF! Here's a newer interview with him from Vice of all places; he seems as weird as ever.

"Instantly Bent" is a long, sludgy intro riff followed by what sounds like an out-of-context sample from a jazz song, like if you took 2 seconds from the end of a Jack Dejohnette solo and looped it a few times.

Someone once described this to me as, "It sounds like he's having a tantrum." Pretty accurate!

I like this song because the snare sounds like a sprinkler when he plays the fills.

Crossed Out were legends for good reason, essentially picking up where Infest left off and making it even more pissed off. In the same way as No Comment was the bleakest band, Crossed Out was the most angry. They didn't really last long or hang out much, so I don't have any funny stories about them, sorry. Their 7" is also excellent, but the basement-level "we recorded this in 45 minutes on my sister's old Fischer-Price tape recorder" production on this record makes it a little better for me. This kind of music is almost always better with shitty production.


No Comment "Downsided"
This is the soundtrack to having the fucking gun in your mouth, razor at your wrist, or rope around your neck. It's also arguably the best hardcore record ever made, no joke. Think of it as the desperation and despair of Black Flag "Damaged" with the pacing of early Napalm Death.

Here are about half the songs on this 7". Have a phone handy with the suicide hotline on speed dial, this shit makes Neglect sound like New Found Glory.

I don't really know what to say about this other than what I did already... I've consistently listened to this record for 15 or so years and it still gives me chills. Nothing else quite captures the feeling of being at the absolute bottom... Nice attention to detail in the packaging, too: the lyric sheet folded out into a 2x3' poster of a slit wrist, and the inscription on the matrix was "Do dilaudid, flip your lid" on one side and "Quitarte sus problemas con Vicodin" on the other (which means "solve your problems with Vicodin" in Spanish). Like I wrote about the other week with regretcore, it's clear that this record was made by people with legit, crushing dysfunction, not angsty teenagers.

Definitely check out this interview with Brent for more background.



Capitalist Casualties "Art of Ballistics"
This was one of the first super DIY records I ever bought, back in 1991 I think? I bought this, MDC "Millions of Dead Cops" LP and No Comment "Common Senseless" 7"- not a bad way to start, right?? Speaking of unpunk shirts, I remember being extremely puzzled by Mike's Slayer shirt in the pictures on the lyric sheet. "WTF," I said to myself, "I thought these guys were punk?! You can't wear a Slayer shirt if you're punk! That's like petting the cat backwards, it's just not done!"

This is actually from the "Raised Ignorant" 7", which I don't really like, but this song is one of CC's best. Really brutal both lyrically and musically.

Unlike most of the other records I've talked about in this post, this is pretty much a straightforward hardcore 7". As many have said before, it's just the next evolution of first DRI LP: no frills hardcore from a bunch of pissed off kids that doesn't claim to be anything other than that. While they've evolved the formula a little, you can see that they're firmly rooted in 80s hardcore when you see song titles like "My Dad Kills For The USA" and "Nuclear National Park." What's next, "Honey, I Moshed The Kids"? "Crass Ventura, Punk Detective"??

Their split with MDC is another one of my favorite releases, as well as the tracks from "Bleearrrrrgggghhhh."


Spazz "Dwarf Jester Rising"
I'm guessing that many of you are already familiar with Spazz, but if you aren't, you definitely want to check them out. They started in 1992 or 93, basically the first of the second wave of power violence bands, and had members from a strange variety of bands: Sheep Squeeze, Plutocracy and Stikky. Chris Dodge was also in a very early incarnation of No Use For A Name and worked at Fat Wreck Chords for years, which I always thought was pretty funny since it was definitely "against the rules" to like both Fat bands and power violence.

Where are they now: The sad tale of Black Army Jacket. Drummer Dave Witte (left) is still keeping it real as fuck and plays in the popular neo-thrash band Municipal Waste. Bassist Carlos Ramirez (far right), on the other hand, has retired from hardcore and spends most of his time chilling on a boat with some AZN bro and his guera wife. List of people who nobody cares where they are now: The original drummer for BAJ.

Many people will disagree, but I think the best Spazz material by far is the early stuff, like pre-"La Revancha." After that they started sounding a lot more, for lack of a better word, "hardcore," like Straight Ahead or something. The earlier material is more pissed and slightly grindy, which is probably why all the suburban emo kids like the later stuff better.

One of their best songs, "Loach." I have no idea what it's about.

"Hairfarmer" is about how Max Ward had a giant, curly mop when he was in Plutocracy. The second part is about this guy Rob Beckstrom's son, also named Max. Rob started going bald early, hence "Max Jr flowing on top, growing more hair than his pop." As an aside, if you know anything about 90s Bay Area graffiti, it's pretty funny that both Rob and Dan from Spazz were early members of US. If you happen to know Rob, I lost touch with him a while ago but it would be cool to hear from him again!

Here are a few funny Spazz memories:

• Max was briefly in the Meat Shits with Kindred from No Less/Plutocracy, and someone asked him to sign the record he played on for a joke. I think he wrote something like, "Fuck you, Robert Deathrage is a nazi."
• Going to Gilman with Max when I was 17 or something in his dad's Acura Legend. I was holding his snare on my lap and he said "Dude be careful, if you scratch the leather my parents will be super pissed.
• Shopping for Mecca and Wu Wear gear at some wigger store in Cleveland with Dan

Cry Now, Cry Later 1 and 2
These two compilations are absolutely mandatory, especially if you want to get the sleazy, scummy Southern California take on things. Maybe I'm imagining things, but I feel like not enough people are into these records. I mean, people definitely still jock MITB, but when was the last time you heard some brainded crust punk say, "Bro, fucking Iabhorher, bro... that song is fuckin hella mass tight bro!!" They definitely aren't checking out Meat Shits, the Fear Factory demo track, Crom, or any of the other great shit on these comps, either. If you haven't given these a listen lately, you probably should. Vols 3 and 4 were OK, but by then it had been diluted by the copycat bands who just ripped off Charles Bronson and didn't listen to Gut or Malicious Hate.

If only all Excruciating Terror records were like this: The filthy production of the 7", with the "polished" songwriting of the LPs. Probably their best song.

Featuring Municpal Waste/Discordance Axis/Black Army Jacket drummer Dave Witte, Iabhorher definitely got overlooked. I think this might be the best song on all of the Cry Now comps, and their 7" on Slap A Ham was equally crushing.

Crom is simultaneously the most brilliant and most retarded band of all time. Long before Max from Spazz started the trend of jocking Hirax, Crom's mind-blowing cover of "Hate Fear And Power" appeared on "Cry Now, Cry Later." I can't believe they managed to make a band as fucking awful as Hirax sound this good!

Malicious Hate is a perfect example of an "Honorable Mention" band, especially this song that was on that weird 8" comp that came out on Ax/Ction (I can't remember the name of it).

Honorable Mention & Stuff I Forgot
There are lots of other bands that were interesting and worth digging up if you're really into it: Stapled Shut, Agents of Satan/Radioactive Lunch, Plutocracy/No Less, Benumb, and other random shit like Avulsion, the one and only Bludgeon song ever recorded, or Noothgrush. But then I would have to start mentioning bands like Black Army Jacket and Praparation H, and nobody wants THAT to happen!! I'm sure the comments will have some good suggestions and/or things I should have mentioned but forgot to.

BrokeNCYDE are hella mass chill bros

I know Metal Inquisition readers quiver with rage when I post about things that happened after 1993, especially if they involve neon merch, but bear with me. This post isn't my usual trolling, it is more along the lines of Anthony Bourdin's travel writing. It's life-affirming like Milo and Otis, eye-opening like Hotel Rwanda, and as full of lulz as a good day on 4chan. Even our most angry, bitter, jaded and elderly readers know that the winds of change are blowing- nay, gusting- bringing with them sweeping changes to the musical and cultural landscape. There is perhaps no better showcase for this phenomenon than Warped Tour, which I attended last week with my partner in crime Jon.

Sergeant D and Mikl from Brokencyde

Getting crunk... or not?!
Our assignment was to interview crunkcore trailblazers Brokencyde (AKA BC13), which we were both pretty excited about since we are huge fans. I didn't know what to expect from them, but I had some ideas. I have a pretty good idea where they're at from their songs, videos, and other artifacts, so I was expecting them to be bouncing off the walls, screaming "Get crunk!!" in my face and dumping 40s on my head while they tore the panties off of any female passersby.

The truth is that Brokencyde are painfully nice dudes. To borrow from Nitro, they are basically the complete opposite of out fuckin' rageous. Honestly Mikl was one of the most mellow people I have met in a long, long time, which was much more of a mindfuck than if he was the larger-than-life persona I had imagined. His personal brand is complex and multi-faceted, as multi-dimensional as Nike or Honda's versatile and long-lived brands who are beloved by consumers from a seemingly endless array of backgrounds.

BC13's newest single, "Booty Call," featuring an appearance from E-40. Not as good as "Freaxxx" if you ask me, but def worth watching for the scene hotties if nothing else.

Apparently a lot of butthurt old people who hate fun have been setting up interviews with the band only to use it as an opportunity to mock or fuck with the band. I wanted to make sure that Mikl knew we were going to be bros, so I shook his hand, introduced myself and told him that I was a) pretty drunk and b) a huge fan of the band.

The first thing I noticed that he is a tiny little man- possibly even smaller than the diminutive Lucho Metales, if such a thing is possible. Lucho's wife is a good 6 inches taller than him I would say, which must be tough because there is nothing he can do about it. If you apply yourself, nearly anything is possible... except for being taller. We can put a man on the moon, but Lucho's wife will always be taller than him. Mikl is in the same boat: I am far from the biggest guy on earth (I wear XS shirts at American Eagle for Christ's sake) and as you can see I dwarfed him.

This is Mikl and his girlfriend in the video for "Booty Call." If you have any questions about how emasculating it is to be dramatically shorter than your girlfriend/wife, please get in touch with him or Lucho.

Back then they didn't want me
In any case, I began with the obvious. Clearly, this band is hated on an epic level that is arguably unmatched since Earth Crisis. I wanted to make sure Mikl knew that I was on his side, so I offered a suggestion that, in the words of one of our commenters, haters "hate because BC13 are out partying while you're fapping in your mom's basement." I was hoping he would have some choice words for them. Maybe he would quote "How Ya Like Me Now" by Kool Moe Dee, I don't know. Instead, he just shrugged and said, "If people hate us, that's their thing, we don't care. We do this for people who wanna have fun. Our music used to be about missing your girlfriend and typical shit like that, but now it's about having fun and enjoying life." Wat.

Having fun and enjoying life?! It was way too posi for me to handle. Also, it was very clear that this wasn't a pose or coached response from their management, he obviously meant it. My head was spinning. So far, Brokencyde made MXPX look like serial killers by comparison.

Last time I checked, suburban white kids didn't call each other "carnal" and "loc"

Hispanics causing panic
One of the common narratives about Brokencyde is that they are rich, spoiled white pussies who make their music in the comfort of their parents' cul-de-sac homes, screaming about drinking 40s and dropping panties against a backdrop of medium-pile beige carpet in their fathers' home office. "No dude, not at all! We're Hispanic, we've lived hard lives without food, lights, we've never had it easy. People have that misconception. They don't really say it to our face very often, but when they do they're always surprised because one of us is like 'Fuck you, don't come at me like that," Mikl explained emphatically.

On the left is BC13's "Booty Call," on the right is Suicidal Tendencies "Institutionalized." Separated at birth? You be the judge.

"It is hard to digest that BC13 have more in common with, say, Beowulf or Excruciating Terror than they do Metro Station or even Blink-182"

This is why my favorite thing to play people is the skit above from their new album. It is a lot harder for people to dismiss BC13 when they are confronted with clear evidence that you aren't dealing with spoiled suburban brats, but super chill Mexican stoners from Albuquerque (if you have been to ABQ, you know there is no shortage of people who fit that description there).

Attack Attack shirt, it reads "I'm a spoiled white pussy"

It is very obvious that the actual spoiled white pussies in, say, Attack Attack or Devil Wears Prada are not only incapable of writing a skit like that, but also that it's 99% likely they don't even understand what is happening in it. It is hard to digest that BC13 have more in common with, say, Beowulf or Excruciating Terror than they do Metro Station or even Blink-182, but it's absolutely accurate.

I definitely moshed my fucking balls off to BC13. I think Mikl was stoked when he saw me stagediving and singing along to "Schitzo." I'm going to say that they probably haven't been interviewed by too many people who headwalked and fingerpointed to their set afterwards.

It was clearly important to Mikl to communicate the message that Brokencyde are nice Mexican boys whose abuelas raised them properly. He continued: "Once people get to know us, they'll see that we're really chill dudes and respectful. It's just how we were raised: if you wanna be treated nice, you treat other people nice. We've never talked bad about any band because they're artists and humans and we respect them." I halfway expected him to share his tio's recipe for carne asada next, or maybe show me pictures of his lowrider minivan with La Virgen de Guadalupe airbrushed on the hood.

In this video you will see that Brokencyde are the super-friendly dudes that you ran into at parties in high school who would always high five you, say what's up, and smoke you out even if they didn't really remember your name because they were constantly fucked up and have no short-term memory.

After hearing that BC13's mission was to "keep kicking ass and making people happy" and that they respect their haters as "artists and human beings," my mind was thoroughly blown. I am a good judge of character and an outstanding manipulator/social engineer, so if I detected that Mikl's "hella mass chill bro" personal brand was phony, I am confident I could have coaxed him into saying something negative (like how I got Winds of Plague to discuss wiggers with me for half an hour). But he was having none of it, he clearly meant every word of it. I was reeling; it was like I had just discovered a dossier of classified documents revealing that the Anal Cunt song "I Respect Your Feelings As A Woman And A Human Being" was sincere.

"Yellow Bus" is probably the sleaziest BC13 song, which is saying quite a bit. Also, it includes the Borat-like line "Let's sex tonight."

They take their panties off, then they pull their pants down
Much like the Onion's "You're A God Among Bros, Bro" piece, I felt like I had to give Mikl from dap for giving Jon and me the soundtrack to so many good times. We've definitely spent many nights getting fucked up and chatting up girls with Brokencyde providing the jams. Mikl seemed to appreciate it. "Yeah that's what it's for, man!" he responded enthusiastically. "It helps out with the fellas, too. Girls love it. You jam some Brokencyde with your girl, then next thing you know you're having sex to a Brokencyde song."

Kyle from Forever The Sickest Kids clutches an invisible orange

As readers of this blog know, I am a big fan of pretty girls and have serious wizard-level game. I know that makes some people think I'm a huge creep, but I didn't think much of it until recently. In fact, it wasn't until I got a real wake up call from Mikl: I mentioned that I loved Taylor Swift. He chuckled, rolled his eyes and said, "I bet you do, bro!" I have to admit, that one stung a little. You know it's bad when the dude from fucking Brokencyde thinks you're a creep!

The enchanting Dani and Alison from Millionaires with me. Wilford Brimley watches in the background.

Pretzels & Millionaires
After talking with Mikl, I needed some fresh air to digest all the thoughts that were swirling around in my head. I went to the main stage to watch Forever the Sickest Kids, my favorite band, and who did I run into but two of the ladies from Millionaires. Much like Brokencyde, they were disarmingly sweet girls, but since I was drunk I decided they should know I was disappointed with their footwear. I'm a big fan, so I watched their set earlier and had a great time- but what the fuck is up with their shoes?

Keds? Really? And what's up with Dani's haggard boots? Pete Wentz is too cheap to spring for a new pair of knockoff Doc Martens at Payless?

On the way back I ran into this 19 year-old kid who was telling me about his political grindcore band while he was in line to get some food. I told him he should stop playing boring music for beardos and start a crunkcore band, but he wasn't really feeling that idea. "Do what you want, bro, you don't have to listen," I counseled him, "but let's take a step back: I was just hanging out with Millionaires, and you're waiting in line to pay $7 for a fucking pretzel." I think I got through to him, because he laughed and said "Shit dude... I guess you do have a point."

In keeping with my motto of "life as absurdist performance art," I got BC13's Phat J to sign my stomach. To add another layer of two of lulz, that belt buckle says "OFR" and the tattoo you can see a bit of says "Forever Blue," my favorite Chris Isaak album (those of you who are my Facebook friends can see it on there).

Closing thoughts
Honestly, Mikl was maybe tied with Frank Mullen for being the nicest dude I've interviewed. I think the reason why people get so upset about BC13 is because they think/expect them to follow the rules of punk. But they aren't punk at all. As Mikl said, "We're not punk at all, except that we don't give a fuck, which is kinda punk-ish I guess." He had never heard of DRI, Corrosion of Conformity, or Minor Threat. I mention that not as a criticism, but just as an illustration of the fact that they make a lot more sense when you think of them not as punk dudes doing commercial rap, but as hip hop stoner dudes that scream in their songs a little bit. Nobody expects Lil Jon to write songs about anything other than getting wasted and hanging out with hot chicks. No one gets mad that all of Lady Gaga's songs are about being fucked up in the club and getting laid, why should Brokencyde be treated any differently?

ONE! TWO! We’re coming for you.
THREE! FOUR! Lock your door.
FIVE! SIX! Suck on my dick.
BROKENCYDE WILL NEVER DIE!

Guest post: Behind the scenes at Century Media

Early this morning, I was awoken by the sound of breaking glass at our Midwest Technical Center. I quickly scrambled the S1Ws, my first thought being that someone might have been after our extensive archives of Wild Rags trivia. But no- instead, I found the following guest post scrawled on a My Own Victim flier, with no author given! With that said, we present it to you, the reader, in its unaltered state. We make no claims for or against its authenticity, although I did personally see some of these things a couple of years ago when I was at Century Media for a peacekeeping summit that I chaired (Despise You frontman and Century Media warehouse manager Chris Elder was the keynote speaker, although an OSHA raid of the CM warehouse prevented him from attending [the OSHA inspection really did happen, it was one of the most unmetal things I've ever witnessed]).

Much like the unwritten motto of Metal Inquisition (that is, exposing metal’s soft, often pudgy, underbelly of hilarity) I thought it’d be good to follow suit and further debunk some myths of the metal world. For this post let’s take a quick glance at Century Media Records.

This record has twice as many sawblades on the cover as "Human Waste" does!

This label can be very polarizing depending on who you’re talking to, and to better understand this label’s range and scope it’s wise to review the bands they’ve worked with – if only briefly. On one hand, they’ve released some solid “classic” metal albums back in the day (Grave, Unleashed, Tiamat, etc.) around the early 90’s. The label also had some cult classic releases that didn’t quite fit in with the label’s typical fanfare, bands like Eyehategod, The Gathering and Candiria to name a few random acts. CM even played a significant role in spreading black metal, especially in the U.S., with releases from bands like Emperor, Marduk, Mayhem, Ulver and many more. Unbeknownst to many, they actually had some decent mid-to-late 90s hardcore releases, most predominantly in Europe, from bands like My Own Victim, Only Living Witness, Cro-Mags, Meraurder, Crumbsuckers and others.

However, they’ve also produced some outright laughable acts that have helped bolster the mallcore/ozzfest generation (Lacuna Coil, In This Moment, Nightwish, etc.) I haven’t even touched power metal or their recent wave of pseudo-slam/metalcore bands like Winds Of Plague and Suicide Silence, let’s save that for another post.

In This Moment and Eyehategod: labelmates?! Yep.

In any event, there’s often a stigma of record labels in metal being somewhat larger than life. Further from the truth this could not be (see Wild Rags for a previously blogged about example). In fact, for a closer look at reality, and this is no joke, please rent and watch-if you haven’t already-‘Hedwig and The Angry Inch’ and ‘Spinal Tap’. These two movies are far more accurate than any magazine or sensational fairytale of metal glory.

But I digress; CM is no exception to metal misconceptions of skyscraper offices, big payrolls, and glamour. At the epicenter of CM is its robust warehouse where all of the above bands’ releases and thousands more reside. I learned that it’s actually a major watering hole for metalheads to buy their metal (I’ve been to Relapse Records and Victory’s warehouses among others, and CM’s is nothing to sneeze at). It’s your typical industrial-looking warehouse, like if you’ve ever seen the TV show ‘The Office’, with super high ceilings, hanging fluorescent lighting, Costco sized shelves and more.

Here’s a video of the band Warbringer jamming in the CM warehouse that might give you a better idea. Unfortunately a surly Chris Elder is nowhere to be found.

If you’re new to working at CM you must help with a yearly inventory check. It’s kinda like their way of “jumping you in” where EVERY SINGLE CD GETS COUNTED. It’s a pain and takes a dozen or so people several days to accomplish. This is where I first learned the existence of terrible metal bands like Green Carnation, Raven, Exciter to name a few. However I also discovered some real gems along the way. Chris Elder, of Despise You and Pessimiser Records fame – whom I’ve seen mentioned on here before, is the God of the warehouse. He’s like that guy on ‘Family Guy’ who Peter works with, the “bad ass with a heart of gold”. He’s quiet, nice and also intimidating when you first meet him (then again, being brought up in Inglewood will most likely give you a 1,000 yard stare easily).

Anyway, CM is located literally a few streets from the ‘Welcome to Inglewood’ sign. It’s not the best neighborhood, but certainly not the worst either. However, the car wash directly across the street did get held up and robbed in broad daylight and the Shotgun Crips frequently tag the area.

One thing, though, about the warehouse that was brutal was there were a row of offices out there as part of the warehouse, separate from the front actual OFFICE area (think of it as office overflow from the REAL office area and into the world of the warehouse). These were offices for accounting, IT, graphic design/advertising and others. An important part about warehouses is that they aren’t very well climate controlled, and CM’s was the worst. If it was summer time, you’d walk out of the front part of the building and into the warehouse-office area and instantly feel the sweat come to surface, it was HOT! In the winter people were wearing coats, beanies and scarfs – how crazy is that?! You go to your desk and sit down in front of your computer and you can nearly see your breath. There were space heaters everywhere; I even saw a blanket or two for some people. You’re supposed to work in this environment for eight hours a day, so everyone’s immune systems were put to the test.

The icing on the cake was the building CM occupies was intended for a staff of around 15-20 people (I believe it was a factory building originally for machine equipment); at this time, there were 50+ people working there. The power was so strained from everyone using so much electricity that the power would blow out spontaneously. So there you are freezing in the warehouse with next to no natural light (like many warehouses, there were only a few windows) in darkness and silence for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. This was tolerated for months, sometimes happening up to a few times a day, before getting properly fixed.

In the last few years the CM office has gone through some renovations and those “warehouse offices” have now had a great facelift and are actually comfortable to work in instead of being the record label equivalent of bums warming their hands over flaming garbage cans.

One a brief side note, the warehouse requires special insurance since it does require a little more physical labor and it’s a more dangerous environment to work in so no one was allowed back there except for the warehouse workers, and anyone who was given permission to go there (or had a specific task or work question). Once in a while, though, certain celebrities would be able to check it out and basically “shop around”.

Century Media's PR whiz George Vallee (left) and Marco Barbieri (right; ex-No Glam Fags) with Casey Chaos

Celebrities is kind of a lose term though, from memory it could be someone like Casey Chaos of Amen to Satyr from Satyricon. So, take the aforementioned rough-around-the-edges neighborhood + crazy warehouse conditions and then throw a self-important metal band in the mix and it’s kind of a funny scenario.

Thanks to this anonymous reader for sharing some info on Century Media! Stay tuned for more CM-fellating in the form of an interview with Winds of Plague...

You're not my real dad: An interview with 16

With the possible exception of Lucho Metales, all of us here at Metal Inquisition are sad, broken men. It should come as no surprise, then, that we are also big fans of 16. I have been listening to 16 since I was in high school, but the older I get, the more I like them. This is because the more life crushes my spirit, shatters my dreams, destroys my ambition, and generally fills me with a pervasive sense of regret, self-loathing, and disappointment, the more I relate to 16's lyrics. If you have never heard them, they play sludgy shit along the lines of Cavity, Eyehategod, and Fudge Tunnel. Some of them were also in Despise You and Crom (which is why I asked so many questions about them). Please buy their shit from Relapse.


You are now on Relapse. How is that working out? In the contract, does it say you have to grow a beard, purchase a pair of rapist glasses, and beat off to anime tentacle-rape snuff porn in your parents' basement to fit in with all their mouth-breathing fans?

Jason: I wrote the "Agreement" as it's called in the business world. It is a small 237 page document that actually has a specific "Grooming Clause" that outlines specifically what each member of 16 MUST do on a daily basis and an amendment for "Show Grooming" tips. Relapse had some issues with the testicle shaving and pubic hair removal or dye requirements as they didn't want to spend the $50 a month for my Brazilian Waxing and olive green dye I use for the nether region. They didn't have any real issues with our sunglasses as they know we are going to be so hugely famous and they expect us to entirely reshape their existing fan base. We are not allowed to "beat-off" ourselves anymore (it's in the Agreement) but we are allowed a 2 minute "reach around" which can be administered by any band member and only one Sunday a month. Things are working our great with Relapse but I will submit an amendment to the existing agreement this week that will outline Spring and Summer wardrobe requests from the band. I follow fashion and really need the latest leather studded boxers with matching leather dog mask from "The Gauntlet" sex shop for our Summer shows.

Bobby: Relapse has contracts? I don't remember signing anything. Ask my bank because my signature is fucking worthless and I never read anything; I just sign it and never do what the stupid piece of paper told me to do in the first place. In California we do not have basements to beat off in. We usually take longer showers to rub one out while we live in a car outside of our parent's house so we can pursue our "dreams".

I also got a Meat Shits Discharge cover dedicated to me at a bar once. I walked outside to smoke so I would not hear it.

We are all big Meat Shits fans. I know it's hard, but if you had to pick just one thing that makes them great, what would it be? And you can't say "their painstaking approach to song craft and crystal-clear production."

Jason: I have no real time to discuss any other band right now as I am negotiating an endorsement for 16 with UGG boots.

Bobby: Meat Shits "Sniper at the fag parade" is a cd I got as a gift from a guy who later killed himself. True story. I've never listened to it. I also got a Meat Shits Discharge cover dedicated to me at a bar once. I walked outside to smoke so I would not hear it. My friend Max was the DJ and there were some sketchy skinheads there. I will continue to ignore this band because based on past history if I get into it something very bad will happen to me.

Tony: The only thing i can remember about them is the cover of one of their records. It was a picture of a girl who's sucking...wait. i'll keep it clean. let's just say it's a picture of a girl who's "snappin' into a slim jim."

Who needs HG Wells when you've got Mike Browning??

If I had access to the Nocturnus time machine, I would go back and uncover the secret identities of the mysterious Despise You. Especially that girl "Leticia." What would you do with it??

Jason: H.G. Wells made a better time machine so straight-up fuck Nocturnus. I already know the Despise You identities. I wouldn't even get into the time machine though. I'd get airsick and the past is the past. The less I know the better. Knowing me I'd get into some gunfights, become a drug kingpin and get stuck in prison wishing I wouldn't have left my couch watching "Gangland" and "Lockup."

Bobby: Despise You are bigger in LA than Fishbone or Mary's Danish ever were. It's really a testament to capitalism. Hmm, Time Machine, I would go back and live my life exactly like I have except I would not be bummed because I would know exactly how it all turns out and would not be continually surprised at how shitty it all really is.

Anyway, back to the time machine. I'd travel back to that one day in 4th grade, only this time, I'd refuse to go into that creepy bike shop owner's apartment with my best friend Dudley.

Tony: I actually do know the real identity of the elusive (original recordings) "Leticia." That's not her real name of course, but she was in fact a smokin' hot Latina. That was a long time ago. She was probably 19 years old back then. She must be in her early thirties now. Total granny. Anyway, back to the time machine. I'd travel back to that one day in 4th grade, only this time, I'd refuse to go into that creepy bike shop owner's apartment with my best friend Dudley.

This logo means "quality"!

You might be surprised to learn that even though some of us at Metal Inquisition were on the Wild Rags street team, we never actually met Richard C. Being from Southern California, have you? If so, what did he smell like?

Jason: What the fuck was "Wild Rags?" Who? My personal trainer is here and I have to tan. Be back in a bit.

Bobby: Since Wild Rags was on Whittier blvd. he probably smelled like carne asada and horchata. I liked that store and actually purchase a few choice items from it. When you bought something he would give you a bunch of free crappy promo shit so I thought he was a righteous dude back then. I went there high on methamphetamine and looked through the whole used cd selection for like 2 hours and only purchases one item. No wonder that place was auctioned by a bank and ran out of business.

Tony: Is he the Wild Rags guy? I only went there twice, and i think i held my breath both times. Sorry about that. I made eye contact with him, though.

Chris Elder is angry because someone talked him into putting out a Fishsticks song

Former Pessimiser CEO Chris Elder is one of my favorite human beings of all time, and he has the best handwriting ever. But I feel bad for him because he's so angry. What's up with that? Is it just because he's short? Who the hell were Fishsticks, and why did he put them on Cry Now, Cry Later Vol I?

Jason: Ahhh, my skin is a golden brown and I just did 2 hours of Yoga. Where was I... Oh yeah, Elder's penmanship is quite an art-form. It should be a mandatory font for computers. I have saved all my Birthday cards, Easter cards, death threats, Christmas cards, etc that he gave me since I got jumped into the Pessimiser Fan Club. He is far from angry, just misunderstood. He just knows the truth. If you call him short" ever again in my presence I will send Vin Diesel to your house and he will kick your ass. Time to "check yo' self before you wreck yo' self." Fishsticks, ha! That sucked didn't it. That was the ONLY song NEVER played from that 2X7". When I put the CD version in my iTunes I deleted that song. My Dad played the Stapled Shut song so much he ruined the record. He told me stories of hanging with those guys and getting kicked out of Disneyland for shoplifting.

Bobby: You know I was always impressed with Elder's handwriting too. It's backhand gangster style. I don't know if he's all that angry, he more of a genius humorist for our time. Like a modern day Will Rogers. Try being white and growing up in Inglewood, that guy is a survivor that's for sure.

We're very open-minded here at Metal Inquisition. I mean, we'll listen to anything from Bloodcum to Wasted Youth, or from Scatterbrain to Mordred. What stuff in your record collection would surprise people?

Jason: Trick Trick, Sade, Ca$his, Julie London, Active Member, Compton's Most Wanted, Obie Trice, Komis X, and Pink.

Bobby: Kidz Bop Volume 9 and Mindfunk. My kid really likes Kelly Clarkson too.

Tony: Sam Cooke, and the mighty H&O.

You're all old and bitter, so I'm sure you are confused and frightened by new developments in youth culture. What do you make of new genres like wigger slam, screamo crunk, and wigger black metalcore?

Jason: Those are all solid examples of why I own numerous firearms and weapons. Chances are if I leave the house to go anywhere douche bags like that congregate, I'll kill someone or multiple "people" (term used loosely). Bobby did call me a "White N-word" on tour last month and I have toyed with the idea of creating "Wigger Sludgecore." I'd probably be the richest fucker on the planet with that one... Time to take my meds. I weep for the future.

Bobby: This all just confirms the apocalypse is near and restores my faith in what we as -16- do. I say let them combines everything until it's all beige. "Extreme" music will become a perfect palatable combination of styles where everyone can grab onto something but as a whole it lacks anything innovative other than the fact that they combined musical feces to create more well more feces. A glorious stew of shit.

Tony: I'm speechless, dawg.

"Maybe funk grind or better yet funk funeral doom will be the next craptacular trend."

Bands like Municipal Waste have been raping Anthrax/DRI-style "thrash" for a while now, with mixed results. Why don't they copy cooler thrash bands like Annihilator, Meliah Rage and Toxik? When will they start incorporating Mordred-style slap bass?

Jason: I saw Anthrax when Lamb of God "opened" for them and boy did Anthrax suck. I am not familiar with any of the "cooler" thrash bands you mentioned. Don't slap bass, slap bitches instead.

Bobby: It is all cyclical but just wait until Body Count comes back in vogue. Funk metal is about due for a comeback as well. Maybe funk grind or better yet funk funeral doom will be the next craptacular trend.

Tony: I'm just glad they haven't imitated Gothic Slam yet. I'm in the process of biting that sound. Keep that under your hat, if you don't mind.

The clothes on the floor are my still-unpacked suitcase from the 2009 Metal Inquisition Mid-Atlantic Innovation Retreat at Lucho Metales' compound/ranch last weekend. The couch is from Ikea.

Like I said before, when I was in high school I jocked Chris Elder like nobody's business. I even have a "Cry Now, Cry Later" tattoo! Anyway, I knew he liked Beowulf so I tried really, really hard to get into them, but I never could because they are fucking terrible. Along the same lines, I remember in the late 90s a lot of kids started pretending to like Hirax because Max Ward from Spazz was hyping them. Other than being on Chris' dick like I was, is there a reason to appreciate either of these awful bands that I'm missing?

Jason: I listen to NOTHING but grind core, rap, hardcore and drop tuned ghetto metal so I can't offer any reply on the musical stylings of Beowulf or Hirax. Katon from Hirax and I have always had each other‘s back since we hooked up at Rehab in 1982 when I was 12 years old with a serious PCP addiction. He slipped me a shank after being threatened by another patient, one of the Pittsburgh Steelers. After that we rolled deep. I haven't seen him in years since I relapsed and started huffing Freon. Rap City is on, I'll be back...

Bobby: Beowulf is bad ass. I don't know what you're talking about. Welcome to Venice was a high water mark for music in my youth for me. Maybe it's about where we're from. I don't know where Metal Inquisition corporate headquarters is but in California Venice was the toughest skate and music scene ever so whether we really liked the music or not we respected it out of healthy boyhood fear. I actually liked the music though. Call me weird. Hirax I've seen live and they killed it. Raging Violence is bad ass. I must be a trendy fuck or it's a demographic thing. By the late 90's I was already over most things altogether so I missed out on all the kids pretending.

Tony: I'll appreciate Beowulf because they could kick my ass. I don't want them finding out i slagged them, because i'd run the risk of getting beat up. Hirax rules because of Katon, but I'm not a huge fan of the bass player. I was nice enough to let him use my bass rig one time when we opened for them, and he was giving me a fair amount of attitude while i explained the minor problems with my amp. Apparently he thought i worked at the club. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't print that. He could probably kick my ass too.

Rickenbacker basses and Red Hot Chili Peppers shirts?! Not brutal!! At least there is a James Murphy solo.

Obituary caused quite a stir by wearing extremely non-brutal Rollins Band and Red Hot Chili Peppers shirts in the video for "The End Complete." What shirt would you wear in your video if you wanted to rile up 16 fans?

Jason: The "Fashion" clause in our relapse Agreement prevents me from wearing any band shirts in a video or Blockbuster Hollywood movie. I can either wear no shirt or a leather vest. If I could wear a shirt with the intent to "rile up" 16 fans, I would wear a shirt that says "16 Fucks Your Mom The Hardest" in a video.

Bobby: We're getting an official video? All right! If I wear no shirt our "fans" will get riled. Most band shirts are kind of lame anyway, especially if they are totally huge bands. Why would Obituary wear something as lame as a chili peppers shirt? Rollins Band was heavier than most back then so I support that fashion move.

I couldn't find one of their hockey jerseys, but this navy ringer tees screams "crappy mid-90s alt-metal merch" just as loudly

Long ago in a galaxy far away, I spent $65 on a Prong hockey jersey. What is your most questionable metal purchase? Did you ever own Deicide "jams" or an Ugly Kid Joe baja jacket?

Jason: I have never been allowed to "purchase" ANY metal items. I can receive them as gifts. I have always had a Personal Assistant and Manager as I am a huge celebrity and have been since age 7. The gifts are screened by my PA and then passed on to me via private courier daily. I am endorsed currently by Dolce Gabanna and Roberto Cavalli for menswear. I do need to mention that the UGG endorsement is strictly for Tony, our bass player as he has a personal love with their "boots." I did purchase a "metal" ring once that left a green mark on my finger. This had serious repercussions for me and my family as I was the current leading male hand model for Neutrogena hand creams. I was fired and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars as a result. I prefer white gold to metal these days.

Bobby: I actually don't have any because I've always been too broke, too cool, too addicted, or not into any band enough to buy their merchandise. 16 have stress balls now if anyone wants to make a questionable metal purchase of their own. I'd like to make 16 ponchos as well. That's close to a baja jacket and will probably be looked back upon the same in a few years. The Naked Raygun comb has stood the test of time though.

Jason: As an after-note, I will probably catch a ton of shit for this interview as my Manager did not "pre-screen" it. You fags better appreciate it. This one may cost me my career and "Wheaties" endorsement.

Retroview: Suicidal Tendencies discography (or at least most of it)

Suicidal Tendencies was my entry into the world of punk, hardcore, and metal back in 1989. They've had their ups and downs, to say the least, but I figured it was high time for a retroview of their discography. This is going to be long, but bear with me!! (that's what she said). PS don't forget to join our group on Last.fm!!

Self-Titled (1983)
Obviously this is pretty much the best record ever released and if you don't worship it, you should probably blow your brains out immediately to salvage what's left of your honor. This record is pretty much why I like all the stuff I like now: hardcore, graffiti, metal, fighting, and the West Coast. Where do I ever start?!

First of all, I'm not sure why they decided to cover up those dope shirts with that dumb photo of them hanging from the jungle gym, but whatever. I can't count the hours I spent studying all the shirts on the cover, copying them or trying to make up my own designs. They still look fucking cool. My favorite is the "Suicidal Cycos" one on the middle right. I actually have that goat head/pentagram tattooed on my forearm. When I was 11 or 12 years old, I definitely pulled my socks up high when I wore shorts, buttoned my flannels up to the very top, and otherwise tried to imitate them as much as possible. I used to be kind of embarrassed about it, but fuck that! I was cool! Being an 11 year old kid that jocked Suicidal is way cooler than being into MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice or whatever was popular at the time.



Anyhow, as far as the record goes, needless to say, every fucking song on here is a classic! If I had to pick just one as my favorite, I guess it would be the first song, "Suicide's An Alternative," because I still listen to it when I'm confused and angry at the world and want to break shit and/or kill people. As someone on their Youtube comments said, "Best 'fuck the world and myself included' lyrics of all time." It's pretty clear that 16 spent plenty of time jamming Suicidal when they were kids, too. I also love the breakdown in that song where he's going on about making a deal with Satan or whatever. I still don't really get what that's all about, but it's fucking cool and that's an awesome riff.

I shot Reagan! I shot the pope!

All the other songs on this record are classics, too, and I could literally write page after page about each one, but I won't. I also really liked how they weren't afraid to have ass-ripping metal solos in the mix. I mean, "Institutionalized" is like one big fucking solo. I'm 30 years old, and listening to this right now at my desk makes me want to drink a 40, write on other people's shit, and punch a fuckin' cop in the face!

Sick of people - no ones real
Sick of chicks - they're all bitches
Sick of you - you're too hip
Sick of life - it sucks

Suicide's an alternative

Sick of trying - what's the point
Sick of talking - no one listens
Sick of listening - it's all lies
Sick of thinking - just end up confused
Sick of moving - never get no where
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of life - it sucks

Sick of politics - for the rich
Sick of power - only oppresses
Sick of government - full of tyrants
Sick of school - total brainwash
Sick of music - top 40 sucks
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of life - it sucks

Suicide's an alternative

Sick of life - it sucks
Sick and tired - and no one cares
Sick of myself - don't wanna live
Sick of living - I'm gonna die

Join The Army (1987)
The most obvious thing to say about this record, of course, is that this album is when Suicidal stopped being a hardcore band and started being a metal band. And let me tell you, this record is metal as fuck!! They came down with a serious case of chopaholism, lots of choppity-choppity-chop riffing going on here in songs like "Looking In Your Eyes." There's also lots of monster slam riffs, like the one at the beginning of "Suicidal Maniac." By the way, that reminds me of something we left off the thrash metal checklist: a song about some kind of killer thrash metal warrior-mascot and how awesome it/he is (see also Megadeth "Psychotron").

I think of this record as their "Breeding The Spawn": a potential classic hampered by awful, muddy production. There are some really great songs on here like "Cyco," "Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right," and of course "Possessed to Skate," but the terrible production makes it hard to listen to them.



I love the video for "Possessed to Skate" for so many reasons! Again, I could seriously make a whole post just about this video because nearly every frame is priceless, but I'll just include a brief version here for the sake of completeness.

Why is he using such an enormous pen to do his calculus?!

Even at 12 years old, I knew it was funny that he used that skinny little microphone like Bob Barker on The Price Is Right.

This was the beginning of my 20-year love affair with graffiti, especially Southern California styles. Next stop, CBS, MSK, AWR, LTS and KOG!

It's not an 80s thrash video without a cabinet TV! See also Megadeth: "I wanna watch the news!!"

Shit, I don't even know what to say about them pulling the plug out to drain the pool... Amazing!! Mind = blown!

On another note, the cover of this record is highly disturbing! I am not sure what they were trying to communicate with that image of the crazy guy with a crazy face made of silly putty pointing at you?? He sort of reminds me of Solid Snake, and it's also pretty impressive how crisp his serratus are! This is also when they switched over to their metal logo, with a sweet airbrushed gradient in it to make it look like it was actually made of metal (as was the style at the time).

How Will I Laugh (1988)
Let's be honest, this record is pretty much total crap. I mean it's kind of fun to listen to with your nostalgia-tinted headphones on, but it's not exactly a classic. The only song I really like is "Surf & Slam," and even then it's only because it reminds me of the T&C Surf video game for NES. I was pretty shocked when the singer of that hardcore band Inhuman told me this was his favorite Suicidal record. Also, the video for "Trip At The Brain" is pretty funny! I should post about that one too, there are some great moments. Here's a pretty cool death metal cover of it.

Needless to say, I thought this was the coolest fucking house ever and when I was 13, I wanted to live there more than anything I have ever wanted!!

But man, I love the cover of this record so much!! Mike Muir just came from a car club meeting with those ridiculous pants and wifebeater, Bob Heathcote looks like he should be running a drill press at some metal shop, and Rocky George begins the proud tradition of the Pirates hat. Then there is the guy in the brown shirt who actually looks pretty cool except that, thanks to Municipal Waste or whatever, you'd think he's some kind of jerky "thrash revival" kid.

Controlled By Hatred (1989)
Fuck yes!! This is my second-favorite Suicidal record, I love it a lot! As many of you probably know, a bunch of these songs are re-recorded versions of No Mercy songs, which are way better than the originals because the production on the No Mercy LP makes "Breeding The Spawn" sound like an audiophile's wet dream. These songs have a cool thrashy, punk vibe that takes you back to the early days of Suicidal, only with crisp metal production- kind of like that Slayer covers record (which I think is also really good despite not being a big Slayer fan).



The best track on here is "Master of No Mercy," which I have always thought was their most underrated song (technically it is No Mercy song, I guess). If you can make it through the chorus without aggressively headbanging at your co-workers or roommates, you're a stronger man than I am. I just got up yelled, "He's the arsenic in your Kool-Aid, he's the bomb in your mail!!" at the girl whose desk is across from mine! Seriously, what an awesome thrash song! I don't know who or what the Master of No Mercy is, but I am sure he's bad as fuck!

This is from the Excel MySpace, but might as well have been one of my 8th grade binder covers

I remember seeing some piece (graffiti) years ago that had "Master of No Mercy" written next to it and I was pretty stoked, like "Yeah, that dude knows what's up!" I think it was Orfn, but it might have been Fate or something, I don't remember. In any case, I love this song and this whole album a lot! I could probably do without the "Heavy Emotion Version" of "How Will I Laugh Tomorrow," but nothing is perfect so whatever.

The guy on the left is an American Apparel model we photoshopped in

The cover is also awesome. I've drawn that ST probably hundreds of times, and I definitely spent lots of time trying to copy the sick cholo writing on the lyric sheet. Fast forward to 2009 and I'm 30 years old, still doodling cholo-inspired graffiti on every piece of paper I come near (ask everybody I work with). Like I said, Suicidal is basically how I got into everything I've been into for my adult life. Having just typed that, I feel a little silly about being so captivated by a band, especially one who went on to be as abominable as Suicidal, but what can you do??


Lights Camera Revolution (1990)
Perhaps it's my nostalgia goggles at work, but I'd like to think this record isn't complete shit. I mean it's definitely not great, but it has its moments for sure. "Send Me Your Money" is the prerequisite attack on corruption with organized religion. "Alone" is a touching, heartfelt song about Cyco Miko feeling lonely. I'd like to think that the 19 year-old Mike from the first album would have shanked Cyco Miko for being a sensitive pussy, but who knows? Without access to the Nocturnus time machine, we can never be sure.



"You Can't Bring Me Down" is, of course, the highlight of the record. I mean, it's the origin of the "Charles Manson eating Froot Loops on your front porch" tag, which is right up there with "Things I would destroy if I had access to the Nocturnus time machine." The video is pretty sweet, but I'm getting sleepy so I might have to save the frame-by-frame analysis for another post.

Apparently this is the current Suicidal lineup?? I have no fucking clue who any of these people are other than Mike Muir. He could at least bring Brooks Wackerman back.

All their other shit (1990-present)
Because I like Suicidal so much, I'm just going to pretend none of this exists. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything, right? I did kind of like that song "Psycho Vision" or whatever that they had in one of the earlier Tony Hawk Pro Skater games I played a lot (THPS2 for Dreamcast is the best IMO).

Without Suicidal, we would never have been blessed with Despise You. And a world without Despise You is one that I don't want to live in!!