Great moments in art history: Black Metal paintings

Here we see curators hanging one of these priceless pieces of art at the Louvre.

As much as my writings for this blog have been hailed by critics as being both groundbreaking AND insightful, I know that all the praise could easily dissipate as a result of one bad post. My internet fame could collapse like a house of cards that gets knocked over by the seismic activity created by Shane Embury walking nearby. Why bring this up? Because I'm sometimes afraid of posting something that the entire M.I. readership has already seen elsewhere. This, by the way, is very possible, since I'm rather disconnected from most metal activities online. This is a particular concern of mine when it comes to anything relating to black metal. Look, I know and understand that black metal and making fun of it is old news. You see, whereas in other households the phrase "like taking candy from a baby" is often used, in my house we say "like making fun of black metal."

Having said this, I simply felt I had to share this amazing artwork with all of you, even if some have already seen it. Under each painting I will give my critique.



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A challenging piece for the viewer to take in, to say the least. The terracotta tones (perhaps an homage to postmodernist architect Michael Graves?) ground the figures, while their scale clue us into the artists take on the subject matter. Not since Andy Warhol's erotic films have homosexual characters been depicted in such a manner.

Not content to merely use traditional symmetry as a way of creating balance, the artist has opted for the asymmetry common in modern art, as well as modern architecture. The quality of the facial features shows us that we are looking at true outsider art, perhaps the work of a retarded person, a monkey, or a homeless man...or Danny Spitz and his googly eye. Reminiscent of Mies Van Der Rohe's early floorplans, the characters slide past each other, much like walls did in his Barcelona Pavillion. Somewhere between abstraction and respresentational painting, this piece not only challenges, but also shatters pre-existing notions about art and artistic depiction. Had this guy been around when Demolition Hammer was putting out their first album, he totally would have gotten the comission.


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Much like Franz Kline's seemingly brute black and white canvasses, this piece speaks not only to our humanity, but also to our brutality. The duality of the black and white brushstrokes seem to hint at the hidden characteristics of the music it speaks of, while connecting with the viewer at a visceral level. The laughable proportions, lack of chin and asymmetric visage may seem erroneous, but are in reality a statement about man's inhumanity to man....or perhaps the artist needs glasses. One is also left to wonder "why are his nostrils so damn small?" The artists is taking a gutsy approach (to say the least) in specializing in portraiture, when he clearly has severe problems sizing up even the simplest of human features, but is that not the same for most black metal bands? They can't play their instruments, and yet they go on playing. Go figure.

This piece also has a slight connection to Demolition Hammer. How you ask? Does the angle of the face look familiar? Just look at the image below, which clearly served as inspiration.







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Exaggerated proportions and interesting brush technique speak to varying visual references, primarily the later work of Andrew Wyeth, as well as more banal visuals...such as the runny quality of a drunken hobo's diarrhea. The wispy quality of the brushstrokes is clearly influenced by Wyeth's work, and his depiction of prairie grass in his haunting masterpiece "Christina's World." Perhaps serving as a statment about the childlike nature of black metal's musical complexity, this portrait features the nose of a baby, thus layering meaning within the painting.






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Drawing upon visual cues from different areas of design and artistic expression, this piece is perhaps the artist's strongest statement. Not content merely making visual references to the work of assorted modern masters, the artist goes one step beyond and references the unlikely world of automotive design. Clearly influenced by the work of designer Chris Bangle (the rear of the BMW 5 series in particular) the subject's features seem to converge onto a single point...as though he has just eaten a very sour lemon. The extremely short length of the subject's chain is also worth mentioning, as it looks more like a choker from the Delia's catalog circa 1996.

Although much of Chris Bangle's work for BMW has been criticized, his impact on automotive design is undeniable...much like Possessed's album Seven Churches.

Another possible use of allegory by the artist is the repetition of the upside down cross. What is he trying to tell us? Perhaps it's a simple reference to the recurring pitchfork shape that is clearly seen in Grant Wood's "American Gothic."

Note the pitchfork shape, which is repeated both in the overall's pocket, as well as upside down in the top window of the house.

Great moments in art history: Sadus

Most people feel that art can be hard to understand. That's because most art is in fact hard to understand. Consider the Yale art student who, as has been widely reported, did a nine-month art project where she:

"... artificially inseminated herself 'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages"

While the thought of such an undertaking would surely cheer up Chris Barnes and other Cannibal Corpse members (past and present), most of us are left scratching our heads, asking "is that art?" If you find yourself asking such a question, I present to you the cover for the Sadus album "Illusions", a piece of art so direct that it singlehandedly changes every viewers take on art. Unlike complicated artistic statements that require substantial reading to understand the intended meaning....this cover is exactly what you think it is. This artistic masterpiece is:

A long-haired viking skull (who is a devout christian, and enjoys fashion accessories such as crowns) is ingesting numerous skulls that come in peacock feather-like droplets, stemming from a tunnel. The tunnel is guarded by a rivitted keyhole that holds saturn, the sun, small asteroids and a UFO, which is itself rooted to a human brain that is held by the skull's hair. Could it be any simpler?

Though I have just spoken highly of the very direct nature of this piece, let me also point out that all great art makes references (however subtle) to other pieces of art, as well as film, music and culture in general. For example



The simplicity, Asian overtones (more on that later), black background, use of a single accent color, as well as the one strong vertical element (the purple type in the Sadus record, and the dress in the other) makes an obvious reference to Steely Dan's "Aja" cover. Not too unusual, when you think of it. While Sadus was not known for having any Jazz or Fusion influences, Steve Digiorgio played in Death as well, along with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic loved their Fusion and Jazz. See, it all makes sense.


The skull's crown reference's Wonder Woman's own golden fashion accessory. What seems at first like an unusual artistic reference, is in fact understandable. The dudes in Sadus were horny, metal losers. Loneliness makes men do stupid things, like putting Wonder Woman's crown on an otherwise evil skull.




Another unusual reference is the cosmic sea that is held within the riveted keyhole, an obvious homage to the work of the astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan, and his book/TV series Cosmos. Again, this may seem like an odd choice at first, but consider the following. Steve Digiorgio played bass in Sadus, but he also played in Death. Death had a song called "Cosmic Sea"*. You must also remember that during the sessions for that Death album, Steve played with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic had a song named "Celestial Voyage" in their album Focus. Do I have to spell this stuff out for you guys? Sheesh.

*Thanks to a kind reader for reminding me about this song. How I forgot it, I will never know. I'm very ashamed.

Like most other metalheads, the guys from Sadus grew up in very humble surroundings, and art was not a priority. More often than not, the art that hung on their homes growing up, was the picture that came with the frame. Nothing else can explain the use of a cornucopia in this cover.


What metalhead out there has seen a peacock and NOT wanted to include part their beautiful plumage on a record cover?



Like all American metal bands, Sadus ripped off German metal bands. Look at the reflections on the Sadus logo, they suggest that the logo was actually made of a reflective, perhaps metallic material. Sodom's logo was actually made out of polished steel. Sadus' was merely airbrushed to look that way. What we have here is another American band copying a German band, and not doing it well. Note the similarly retarded shapes of the letters.


The typography on this otherwise metal cover gives the album a slight, but refreshing Asian feel. Much like a cheesy Asian bandana on the forehead of an Italian kid from Long Island.


PS: On a closing note, I should mention that my brother and I often heard from a very reliable source that members of Sadus mailed weed to each other many times just to see if "it would work". Man, bored white trash dudes come up with some stupid things to do when they're sitting around watching Wonder Woman reruns.

Metallica. The Band. The Muse.

As a musical act, Metallica's influence on the world of metal is undeniable. Just look around, and you'll see lots of terrible bands with sub-par Danish drummers, and bass players who play slap bass while crab-walking. Similarly, Metallica has become the art world's favorite muse. Just look at the fine pieces below, and you'll see why the artworld has seen a radical switch away from landscapes and still lives, and into portraits. Enjoy.


"Thinking It Over"
Depiction of James and Lars looking out towards the bay bridge, wondering what type of horrible snare sound they can use in the next album to make it suck worse. Never mind the fact that the artist got tired after drawing James and drew Lars as a mere ghost. This was on purpose. It's an homage to Lars and how he slows down dramatically and is unable to play Whiplash at even half-time.



"No, I'll Erase You"
There's some double entendre here. First, the title refers to that moment in Some Kind Of Monster when Lars' dad, after being asked to review some new songs, says "I think you should delete that". Deep inside, Lars knows his dad wishes he could have erased him when he was a baby. The title also references the erasing technique used to give the jacket's lapel its highlights. This artistic trick is a favorite amongst tenth graders.

"Oooooooh...Yeaaaaah! Womaaaahhhhn!"
This fine drawing depicts James at around the time that he began to look like the cowardly lion in the Wizard Of Oz. It speaks about his reservations and fears in life. His biggest fear? Angering tubby knob-twiddler Bob Rock, who has become a father figure in his life. Think about it, in the movie A Year And A Half In The Life Of Metallica, James actually takes his suggestion and does the stupid "ooooh...woman!" thing in the vocal booth. I bet Flemming Rasmussen never made him do that. Anyway, Remember how he started wearing a little wolf head on a necklace around that time? And what about the frets in his guitar that showed a wolf evolving to a man. Just thinking of it makes me feel embarrassed.


"No Life Till Leather"
It's not often that the worlds of art and fashion meet. When they do meet, they breed and they have this jacket as a child...and the whole world suffers. Is the person on the top right supposed to be a Cliff/Jason hybrid?


"None More Black"
Homage to the Black Album and its minimalist artwork. Simple, but strong...like Kirk's wig.


"This Is My Robot Voice"
A ficticious depiction of what would happen if Kirk were ever actually allowed to speak at any Metallica event. What would happen, it turns out, is that he'd put the mic up to his throat and do his best robot voice...and tell stories about his tiny bicycle skid mustache in the early 90s, as well as his wig collection. Come to think of it, that would probably be better than James' awful banter.


"Jump Out Of The Fire"
Barely recognizable as the boys from the Bay Area, this mural depicts the dynamic duo. The flames represent the ghost that haunts them...the memory of Cliff Burton, who they killed in Sweden and claimed was an accident. The reason for killing him? Two words: Bell Bottoms.

Great moments in art history: Some random thrash bands

Living Death - Killing In Action
As you can see, this cover depicts a horned demon getting ready to roast his victim (a common theme with the Warlock cover below). But if you look more closely, you see that the real story is that he can't get the fire started. He's trying to get it going with the lightning from his hands, but it won't go. Maybe there is a strong wind or something, I don't know.



Apocalypse - s/t
This cover depicts a mildly retarded bat. Maybe it has fetal alcohol syndrome. In any case, you can see that it's very bloodthirsty, and is probably on the prowl for some fresh meat. Hopefully the band picked up on this and titled one of the songs "Fresh Meat," but I don't have the album, so I can only speculate.

Razor - Shotgun Justice
This concept explores the tragic duality of man. He can be so cruel, so heartless, yet so selfless and kind at other times. Also, I like how he has his pinkie finger held up like he's holding a glass of wine at some faggoty party or something. This record is great, though.


Warlock - Burning the Witches
What is happening here? Why does the goblin have Down's Syndrome, and why does he have such a kindly, helpful look on his face? Like the Living Death cover earlier, this album focuses on how difficult it is to start a fire when you don't know what you're doing (like in the novel Hatchet that I had to read in 7th grade).


Arakain - Schizofrenie
I just don't know what to say about this one. I'm pretty sure this is a foreign band, which would explain why they are retards, but even then, this is really bad. Look closely at this to see all the details like the pair of tits with bat wings on the upper left, the gleaming axe earring or whatever on the blue side of the face, and the complete disregard for proportion and human anatomy. This is why foreigners shouldn't be allowed to express themselves. Speak English or die!

Great moments in art history: Obituary

Some things are better when they are worse. For example, nachos. I'm sure there is some gay restaurant in LA that has $25 gourmet nachos, but who wants that? The best nachos are from 7-11, with the thin, orange cheese sauce, old, stale jalapenos, and greasy ground beef on them. You like to slum sometimes.

Such is the case with the cover of Obituary's 1989 masterpiece "Slowly We Rot." I love it because it sucks, not in spite of it sucking. Let's look at some of the things that make it great.

1. The gleaming lens flares on the ends of the logo that really communicate the design intent: "Dude, it looks like the logo is a big fuckin knife!!"

2. The corpse of a lifeless hesher rotting in the street explicitly illustrates the album's title. I like it when artists just get right to the point. There are no sociopolitical comments, it's just a picture of a guy, rotting. Slowly, we assume.

3. "Slowly We Rot" letters are made of puke. This is just a nice touch, they really pushed themselves to make this cover images as icky as possible. Again, nice attention to detail.