Sunday, February 17, 2008

Great moments in art history: Some random thrash bands


Living Death - Killing In Action
As you can see, this cover depicts a horned demon getting ready to roast his victim (a common theme with the Warlock cover below). But if you look more closely, you see that the real story is that he can't get the fire started. He's trying to get it going with the lightning from his hands, but it won't go. Maybe there is a strong wind or something, I don't know.



Apocalypse - s/t
This cover depicts a mildly retarded bat. Maybe it has fetal alcohol syndrome. In any case, you can see that it's very bloodthirsty, and is probably on the prowl for some fresh meat. Hopefully the band picked up on this and titled one of the songs "Fresh Meat," but I don't have the album, so I can only speculate.

Razor - Shotgun Justice
This concept explores the tragic duality of man. He can be so cruel, so heartless, yet so selfless and kind at other times. Also, I like how he has his pinkie finger held up like he's holding a glass of wine at some faggoty party or something. This record is great, though.


Warlock - Burning the Witches
What is happening here? Why does the goblin have Down's Syndrome, and why does he have such a kindly, helpful look on his face? Like the Living Death cover earlier, this album focuses on how difficult it is to start a fire when you don't know what you're doing (like in the novel Hatchet that I had to read in 7th grade).


Arakain - Schizofrenie
I just don't know what to say about this one. I'm pretty sure this is a foreign band, which would explain why they are retards, but even then, this is really bad. Look closely at this to see all the details like the pair of tits with bat wings on the upper left, the gleaming axe earring or whatever on the blue side of the face, and the complete disregard for proportion and human anatomy. This is why foreigners shouldn't be allowed to express themselves. Speak English or die!

6 comments:

  1. Oh, man, the PERFECT album for this post:

    http://image.com.com/mp3/images/cover/200/drd800/d800/d80011xfa9e.jpg

    I wish I could find a bigger picture somewhere. (Shockingly enough, I own this CD, so I could scan it, but I'm lazy.) You just can't get the full idea from this shitty .jpg, but this is one of the worst album covers I've ever seen, which somehow makes it "great" on some level.

    The guitar tone on this album kicks ass, if I remember correctly. Not much else was very good about it, though...

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  2. jesus christ, that's terrible. never heard of this band... but sounds like that's ok.

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  3. bravo. great post.

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  4. i truly feel blessed that i know 2 of the funniest people in the planet alive today. lucho metales and sergeant: thank you both, between this post and the mortuary drape one, i have lost 14lbs. and my abs look like john morrison's (that's a WWE reference)

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  5. ha ha ha the best part of the arakain album is the arse with wings in the top right.
    genius!
    i think they are hungarian or something. but anyway. the worse the cover the more i want it haha
    living death and razor fucking rule.

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  6. In the beginning pearl hunting was the only means known for harvesting pearls. A little before the start of the 20th century divers manually pulled oysters from ocean floors and river bottoms and checked each one of them individually for pearls.

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