Friday, February 15, 2008

Hey Krauts: Speak English or Die!

Post by guest Metal Inquisition staffer SkullKrusher

God bless German bands in the 80's. Really. God bless
their riffs, (although often a bit thin for my
God bless their infinite arsenal of bullet belts and
pants,God bless their snare drums that sound
like a spoon hitting a pillow, and may the Almighty
bless their sad attempt at sounding
evil with their
almost non-existing knowledge of the English
language. Now, English is my second (or third,
depending on who
you ask)language and I'm a
far from being a master of Slayer's mother tongue,
but I know my limitations. Yes, I know it was I who

coined the term "Welcome
to the Hell", but let's
forget about that for
now, ok?

Maybe Destruction, Sodom and Kreator should have pitched in for an
English tutor, before writing lyrics for their early records. I mean,

come on! Sodom's Tom Angelripper actually pronounced the word
"bible" as "beebel." That's just sad. I could find hundreds of examples
of bad
English in all these liner notes, but let's just look at one
album: Kreator's 1985 masterpiece (no sarcasm here, this record is
awesome), Endless Pain.

Please follow me in a journey through the past…a past full of evil,
bad grammar and shit that just doesn't make any sense.

"In your heart is hate terror is
freezin' your bones"
What is "hate terror" exactly? Whatever it is, I guess it's cold, because
its "freezin" my bones.
"The voice of Hell sound is so nice"
Yeah, I heard Hell has a lovely singing voice!

"You'll burst down their heads and spread hellish heat"

What other way is there to spread "hellish heat" if not by
"bursting" heads?

"And the're ain't no God who helps
us when we die"
No comment.
"I'll eat your intensities no
matter if you pray or please"
Yummy, intensities are damn good with soy sauce! Pray?
Please? What?

"Casting a spell Lord of all hells
ripping the angels God has fell"
God has "fell"? Dammit, I always wanted to have "fell", but my mom
always said it was too expensive! What is "fell"?

"Locked up doors, don't get out,
thebeast makes death like a game.
He burst heads thrash all down"

Hell yeah, Mille, let's "thrash all down"!! What's this obsession
with bursting heads?

"Fear no god. Now you are dead. Your flesh is
dot rot"

"Dot rot"…did he mean dot com? Maybe they were ahead of their time.

"Flashlight is taking all the flash
from your face
Torture feels like the fastest black race
Dying everyday it is the same
Laughing about the corpses in this game"

This just doesn't make ANY sense. A flashlight? A "fast black race"?
Like Jesse Owens? Laughing at what? I don't get it, but I'm sure it's
pretty fucking evil. As evil as the outfits that they wore to the beach
in the picture up top. Pure evil.


  1. you can see his dick pretty clearly through those wet white pants.

  2. Awesome.

    Remember back when Metal Maniacs would make fun of Deicide and other such bands (I think, but definitely Deicide) for having "chikkan" lyrics (i.e. "chicken"), where it sounded like they were saying stuff about chicken? I'm pretty sure I remember they one time printed something like they heard that line in "Satan Spawn..." ("Evil seed, injected...") as:

    "Evil thing, a CHIKKAN!!!"

    Or something like that.

    I never forgot that. To this day it's always made me hear the word "chicken" from time to time in death metal (and comparable) vocals.

    Good stuff.

  3. you know, i was just re-reading this and i actually feel bad to make fun of kreator. they are one of my favorite bands and frank and mille are seriously 2 of the coolest guys i ever interviewed. i met them thru an old roadie of theirs who was a good friend of mine. we met with them in detroit and rode with them to indy, cleveland and cincy. 5 minutes into meeting them we were bullshitting about random shit. we talked about how shitty detroit was, about german vs. american cars, about how they didnt give a shit people didnt like their new CD, we made fun of these groupies outside their bus, we laughed at david vincent and the new paradise lost CD, mille and i made fun of the pot leaf sticker on frank's guitar and mille had a few words of wisdom for this dude ron we were with who was a total racist prick. i cant remember exactly what he said, but i do remember thinking DAMN ron! this dude shut you the fuck up and made you look like the asshole you are!
    during the shows they'd dedicate songs to us something like 'this one is for these guys we know. one hates german cars, the otherone hates morbid angel'. he went on an on about morbid angel (who were headlining the tour), in a really sarcastic way. like 'who hear likes satan?' and people would go nuts 'who here loves morbid angel?' and people would go nuts and then
    he'd say 'satan sucks and david vincent is a racist' and people would boo them. mille was on a real tirade against them because some stupid shit vincent had said in some interviews in germany when the tour was there and kreator didnt want to do the tour here in the US, but their label forced them to, so they didnt give a shit and basically made fun of them every single night. those were the days! anyway, i feel bad i made fun of them...

  4. Bof, European metal has been always superior to America´s metal


  5. I love it when non-English speaking bands write crazy, nonsensical lyrics. "Go shit. I'm not a fish!!"

  6. brazillian bands are also pretty good at this. note sarcofago...

    Desecration of Virgin

    seven nights before
    of sacred birthday
    the lord make himself
    present at virgin's home

    demons suck your pussy
    and fuck 'till delight
    she isn't more virgin
    because was fucked by satan

    he put the virgin of four
    fucking your ass hole
    the orgy haven't stop
    ejaculating on her mouth

    she suck the hammer of satan
    and reach the first orgasm
    he breack laws of god
    and prophane the mother of gods