Showing posts with label design. Show all posts
Showing posts with label design. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Who wore it best?


Okay, this is a big moment in my life. I'm about to admit to M.I. readers that I may have read an issue or two (or thirty) of US Weekly in my lifetime. It's with that in mind that I am asking our readers the question that US Weekly often asks its readers: Who wore it best?



I know that US Weekly poses the question when two celebrities have worn the same outfit, but this is close enough damn it! If you must, please take into account that Lindsay Lohan is no Johnny-come-lately to the world of metal. Oh no. She's been rocking other Maiden shirts that her stylist gave her for some time. We want you, the readers, to vote.




On a somewhat related note, the new Paul wall album features the Iron Maiden font.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Metallica=Big Business: 1. Wall Street Journal reports about new albums sucking. 2. Metallica rebrands itself


Metallica is big business, and not just because of the recent release of these amazingly comfortable "Master of Puppets" underpants.



1. Wall Street Journal reports on quality of new album:
With all the upheaval in the financial markets, is there one financial institution that is still making money and may still be worth reporting on? Why yes, there's always Metallica. I know, I know...Metallica are not a metal band and no longer matter at all. I get it. Still, if you're my age or older...you remember a time when they mattered very much. As such, imagine my surprise when I opened the Wall Street Journal to check on my extensive and diverse stock portfolio (Earache Records, Blue Grape Merchandise, Axxis Drum Pedals, EMG Pickups) and found news about Metallica's new album instead. As it turns out, the new album sucks balls, and not just for the usual reasons (lack of musical ability, lack of songwriting skills, lack of a drummer etc). If you thought St. Anger's mix was bad, Death Magnetic has some issues as well, and it has nothing to do with Trujillo's crabwalking. Fans are signing petitions to have the album remixed, and album's mastering engineer agrees, saying:
"Believe me, I'm not proud to be associated with this one."
Those are exactly the words of every single person that has been involved with every Metallica project after And Justice For ALl. You can read the article here, or just look at this fancy graphic, courtesy of the WSJ. I don't want them to sue our asses, and I believe that by crediting them, we'll be just fine. I took one class about law in a Community College once. I'm an expert.





2. Metallica hires Turner Duckworth to rebrand itself
What should an ailing band that has not produced quality music in ages do in order to better itself? First you hire a psychiatrist (as we saw in Some Kind Of Monster), and then you hire a branding agency. Why? Metallica is a brand, you see, and as such it deserves the same treatment that the likes of Coke and Amazon.com have gotten from Turner Duckworth. Look, I'm not naive. I don't object to this on the basis that branding implies big business. I'm okay with that. I know that Metallica makes tons of money, and that they're a business with employees like any other type of company. My objection is based on the fact that Metallica bandmembers honestly think that this is even worth pursuing. Forgive me for using such an overused comparison, but this is like rearranging the deck furniture on the Titanic. Kerry King (out of all people) said it best. Metallica are a sinking ship. A huge, bloated ship. Read the story here.


One of the primary components of a brand is a logo. Turner Duckworth no doubt charged tons of money to the bloated monster known as Metallica to make their logo back into what it was during And Justice For All.


Friday, May 9, 2008

Great moments in art history: Sadus


Most people feel that art can be hard to understand. That's because most art is in fact hard to understand. Consider the Yale art student who, as has been widely reported, did a nine-month art project where she:

"... artificially inseminated herself 'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages"

While the thought of such an undertaking would surely cheer up Chris Barnes and other Cannibal Corpse members (past and present), most of us are left scratching our heads, asking "is that art?" If you find yourself asking such a question, I present to you the cover for the Sadus album "Illusions", a piece of art so direct that it singlehandedly changes every viewers take on art. Unlike complicated artistic statements that require substantial reading to understand the intended meaning....this cover is exactly what you think it is. This artistic masterpiece is:

A long-haired viking skull (who is a devout christian, and enjoys fashion accessories such as crowns) is ingesting numerous skulls that come in peacock feather-like droplets, stemming from a tunnel. The tunnel is guarded by a rivitted keyhole that holds saturn, the sun, small asteroids and a UFO, which is itself rooted to a human brain that is held by the skull's hair. Could it be any simpler?

Though I have just spoken highly of the very direct nature of this piece, let me also point out that all great art makes references (however subtle) to other pieces of art, as well as film, music and culture in general. For example



The simplicity, Asian overtones (more on that later), black background, use of a single accent color, as well as the one strong vertical element (the purple type in the Sadus record, and the dress in the other) makes an obvious reference to Steely Dan's "Aja" cover. Not too unusual, when you think of it. While Sadus was not known for having any Jazz or Fusion influences, Steve Digiorgio played in Death as well, along with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic loved their Fusion and Jazz. See, it all makes sense.


The skull's crown reference's Wonder Woman's own golden fashion accessory. What seems at first like an unusual artistic reference, is in fact understandable. The dudes in Sadus were horny, metal losers. Loneliness makes men do stupid things, like putting Wonder Woman's crown on an otherwise evil skull.




Another unusual reference is the cosmic sea that is held within the riveted keyhole, an obvious homage to the work of the astronomer and astrochemist Carl Sagan, and his book/TV series Cosmos. Again, this may seem like an odd choice at first, but consider the following. Steve Digiorgio played bass in Sadus, but he also played in Death. Death had a song called "Cosmic Sea"*. You must also remember that during the sessions for that Death album, Steve played with Paul and Sean from Cynic. Cynic had a song named "Celestial Voyage" in their album Focus. Do I have to spell this stuff out for you guys? Sheesh.

*Thanks to a kind reader for reminding me about this song. How I forgot it, I will never know. I'm very ashamed.

Like most other metalheads, the guys from Sadus grew up in very humble surroundings, and art was not a priority. More often than not, the art that hung on their homes growing up, was the picture that came with the frame. Nothing else can explain the use of a cornucopia in this cover.


What metalhead out there has seen a peacock and NOT wanted to include part their beautiful plumage on a record cover?



Like all American metal bands, Sadus ripped off German metal bands. Look at the reflections on the Sadus logo, they suggest that the logo was actually made of a reflective, perhaps metallic material. Sodom's logo was actually made out of polished steel. Sadus' was merely airbrushed to look that way. What we have here is another American band copying a German band, and not doing it well. Note the similarly retarded shapes of the letters.


The typography on this otherwise metal cover gives the album a slight, but refreshing Asian feel. Much like a cheesy Asian bandana on the forehead of an Italian kid from Long Island.


PS: On a closing note, I should mention that my brother and I often heard from a very reliable source that members of Sadus mailed weed to each other many times just to see if "it would work". Man, bored white trash dudes come up with some stupid things to do when they're sitting around watching Wonder Woman reruns.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

In My Closet—D.I.Y. Morbid Angel Shirt


The year was 1991, and I was lucky enough to be living in the epicenter of death metal culture, Florida. Earache records could do no wrong then (we'll just try to forget Fudge Tunnel for the sake of this piece), and Chuck Schuldiner was practically reinventing death metal as he and an impressive list of studio musicians recorded "Human" in Morrisound Studios. It was a heady time for sure.

My family was broke as hell at the time, and sadly we could not afford proper metal attire for me to wear. Yes, I did manage to buy an Obituary back patch at the record store next to Bird Bowl in Miami...but that took months of saving. If I wanted a metal shirt, I was on my own. Back in the day, we didn't just buy our shirts. By god, we made them.

Enter Mr Delpino. Mr Delpino was a bug eyed drunkard of an art teacher at the school I attended. He was best known for multiple stints in rehab, drinking on the job (out of milk jugs he kept under his desk) and speaking to the class through a lapel clip-on mike. He would often leave the classroom as he was teaching, only to keep on teaching through the microphone. Hearing him take a piss in the bathroom through the small speaker at the front of the room as he continued to talk is something I'll never forget.

Anyway, I signed up to take his class because I heard that he allowed students to do silkscreening during and after class. I was hooked. During that semester I produced three shirts, the highlight of which is this fine Morbid Angel shirt you see here. I wore this shirt proudly all the time back then, knowing it was a one-of-a-kind item. It worked well with my black sweatpants. In retrospect, I'm not sure why I picked a white t shirt (the two other shirts are white also), except that perhaps I already had the shirts, and my mom refused to buy me black ones so I could screw them up by screening crap on them. It was an unusual choice for metal shirts to be sure, but also a smart one considering the blistering Florida sun. I was super metal AND weather conscious. What a combo. Ladies....I was a catch!


Looking at it now, I think the most redeeming quality of the shirt is the design in the front. I'm not sure where I came up with the idea for doing a typographic representation of the song "Immortal Rites", much less combining it with Morbid Angel's pentagram/cross/6 combo. A good bit of work seems to have gone into the word "immortal", while "rites" seems like an after thought. As I think about it now, I'm sure my mom was thrilled when I brought the shirt home. Not only had I ruined my white t shirt, but I had chosen to put this crap on it? Great. Unlike many people my age who look back on their younger years in shame, I look at this shirt with pride. Well, okay...and also some shame.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Great moments in art history: More shitty record covers

Meliah Rage- Solitary Solitude
The cover is bad enough (I believe it depicts Phil Rind from Sacred Reich trying to force his way through an opening that is too small for his body to fit through). But the title is far worse, surpassing even Discharge-like levels of stupidity and redundancy.



Virus - S/T
Obviously the overall level of craft here is pretty low, which is funny enough. But let's focus specifically on his gun. I like the poorly rendered radar dish or whatever on the top. The artist couldn't even get the pokey thing centered in the saucer... and the gun in general looks like it's melting or something. Protip: use a ruler to make straight lines!





Psychic Possession - Toxin Diffusion
Now I'm not really sure what's going on here. The guy in the front shined his flashlight on something, and now he's all googly-eyed. Who knows what he saw. Maybe some kind of Lovecraftian horror, maybe it was just Shane Embury with his shirt off. But either way, I'm thinking he's a goner.



??? - Possessed
Not really sure what the name of this band is. "Assplunder" maybe? Who knows. But this guy put on his best leather pirate shirt and made a silly face for the cover of his demo. I like how he folded his arms like that kind of like how RUN-DMC used to do.




Pantera - Far Beyond Driven
Well first of all, let me just say that this is hands down one of my favorite albums of all time. "Strength Beyond Strength," "Slaughtered," "5 Minutes Alone"... this record just completely slays from beginning to end. It might be Pantera's finest moment. But the cover art... not so much. Vinnie Paul: "Hey, hey... guys! How about an X-ray of a skull, but it's got a fuckin' SCREW in it's head! Because that's what our riffs are like! A screw in right in your motherfuckin' head!!"

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Nocturnus + Syd Mead = magic

Naturally, Dan Seagrave is the first person you think of when it comes to 90s death metal album covers, but can't you imagine Nocturnus and legendary futurist illustrator Syd Mead collaborating on something?? Read the lyrics to "Droid Sector" aloud while you project this painting on your wall. It will blow your mind, I promise!


DROID SECTOR
Enter the droids
Cybernetic crafts approaching
Through skies lit with fusion discharge
Androids from the gamma quadrant
Moving at the speed of death
Now the human race is sovulnerable
Invasion set for attack
"Enter the Droids"
Command-Mission-Destroy-Planet-
Three-From-Their sun
Caught within my tractor beam
Bringing the craft to me
Disable the robot for my own use
to aid my escape
Fleets of ships are now arriving,overtaking
Physical evasion is my only demise
Left to me for my survival
Gaining data from their system, overriding
To complete my invention,the time machine
Only question is "will it function"?

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Great moments in art history: Some random thrash bands


Living Death - Killing In Action
As you can see, this cover depicts a horned demon getting ready to roast his victim (a common theme with the Warlock cover below). But if you look more closely, you see that the real story is that he can't get the fire started. He's trying to get it going with the lightning from his hands, but it won't go. Maybe there is a strong wind or something, I don't know.



Apocalypse - s/t
This cover depicts a mildly retarded bat. Maybe it has fetal alcohol syndrome. In any case, you can see that it's very bloodthirsty, and is probably on the prowl for some fresh meat. Hopefully the band picked up on this and titled one of the songs "Fresh Meat," but I don't have the album, so I can only speculate.

Razor - Shotgun Justice
This concept explores the tragic duality of man. He can be so cruel, so heartless, yet so selfless and kind at other times. Also, I like how he has his pinkie finger held up like he's holding a glass of wine at some faggoty party or something. This record is great, though.


Warlock - Burning the Witches
What is happening here? Why does the goblin have Down's Syndrome, and why does he have such a kindly, helpful look on his face? Like the Living Death cover earlier, this album focuses on how difficult it is to start a fire when you don't know what you're doing (like in the novel Hatchet that I had to read in 7th grade).


Arakain - Schizofrenie
I just don't know what to say about this one. I'm pretty sure this is a foreign band, which would explain why they are retards, but even then, this is really bad. Look closely at this to see all the details like the pair of tits with bat wings on the upper left, the gleaming axe earring or whatever on the blue side of the face, and the complete disregard for proportion and human anatomy. This is why foreigners shouldn't be allowed to express themselves. Speak English or die!

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Great moments in art history: Obituary


Some things are better when they are worse. For example, nachos. I'm sure there is some gay restaurant in LA that has $25 gourmet nachos, but who wants that? The best nachos are from 7-11, with the thin, orange cheese sauce, old, stale jalapenos, and greasy ground beef on them. You like to slum sometimes.

Such is the case with the cover of Obituary's 1989 masterpiece "Slowly We Rot." I love it because it sucks, not in spite of it sucking. Let's look at some of the things that make it great.

1. The gleaming lens flares on the ends of the logo that really communicate the design intent: "Dude, it looks like the logo is a big fuckin knife!!"

2. The corpse of a lifeless hesher rotting in the street explicitly illustrates the album's title. I like it when artists just get right to the point. There are no sociopolitical comments, it's just a picture of a guy, rotting. Slowly, we assume.

3. "Slowly We Rot" letters are made of puke. This is just a nice touch, they really pushed themselves to make this cover images as icky as possible. Again, nice attention to detail.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Dude, it cost like $30 bucks to do. Respect it.



Could you imagine loving a record so much that every time you went to your bedroom to riff really, really hard you wanted to remind yourself of why?

I can’t.

But, I am old. Probably older than the dude that paid to have this done. At least I hope so. I have been wrong before.

Honestly, this guitar has me embarrassed. I love Obituary but right now I have that empathetic embarrassment that is reserved for when you see a retarded kid trip and bust open his lip on the sidewalk. Sure, you laugh, but you feel bad for laughing, because you are so close to being that retarded kid its scary.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Great moments in art history: Exciter



Avid readers of Metal Inquisition already know that I wrote in some length about the cover of Predator's "Easy Prey" in the past. Much like this gem from Exciter, Predator's record cover depicted a.....well, a predator about to attack a woman. Violence towards women, and sexual attacks are sadly not unusual subjects for metal songs and artwork. But you see, this cover (like Predator's) is executed in such a crude manner that it's just amazingly scary. The band surely thought they were doing a fun, kind of shocking cover...but god almighty, do they reveal a whole lot about themselves.

Perhaps prompted by the Predator record cover, the Canadian power-outfit Exciter stepped up to the plate and delivered a troubling record cover with amazing gusto. Canadians are apparently not only happy putting American's to shame when it comes to lower murder rates and (some would say) much better health care. Oh no. With this cover, Exciter really managed to show the world just how awful Canadians can be.

So what exactly manages to make this cover so insanely bad? Is it that it depicts a possible rape? Is it that along with the title of the album, the fact that the band is called Exciter is just ridiculous? Well yes those are all true, but that's not all. You see, the hands of the intruder reaching in are of a black man. Look, I don't care what you say, that's what's going on. I know that in some printings of the record the hands look greenish as though they are the hands of the swamp thing...but I know the truth. In the pressing I have of this record, the hands trying to invade the residence of the white-as-snow woman are those of a black man. A band going for the double-trouble sexist/racist combo meal is rare, but Exciter managed it just fine. Damn Canadians are also trying to outdo the Americans when it comes to blatant racism as well!

It's worth mentioning that apparently the guy is also some kind of goddamned magician because he's making that knife magically float in the air. I don't know how he's holding the damn thing up.

Lastly, the record cover is objectionable due to the manner in which the type that makes up the title is stacked. Who stacks type? Damn. This is the most horrendous typographic disaster in the world of metal, well, aside from Metal Maniacs using Futura Condensed.

I should mention that in the world of creepy and awful metal covers and names, a special award goes to the Seattle band Forced Entry for having one of the creepiest names ever.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Great moments in art history: Predator


Every now and then someone will be over at my house who has never seen my record collection, they will look through the now paired down collection and inevitably find the same record in the collection that so many others have found before. Their reaction to said record is always the same, "Uh-oh, what is this?" The record is "Easy Prey" by the band Predator, and it was put out my Metal Blade Records in 1985. Much like dog's sniffing each other's buttholes, a record collection can give great information to people about who you are, and I kinda wonder what this record says about me.

Though there are certainly more offensive record covers (like the Meyhem album cover depicting the band's singer, who went by the name "Dead", after he shot himself in the head) there is something so crude, so cheap, so badly done, and so offensive about the Predator cover that it will certainly get your attention, and stay with you. No, it's not a Meat Shits album, which seeks out to shock in a childish fashion, this is far scarier. These guys thought, it would appear, that what they were doing was within the boundaries of semi-good taste, and well within the realm of Twisted Sister style, lightweight shock.




Postmodern?
Much like significant works of architecture and literature produced during the height of the postmodern movement in those individual arenas, this album features one of the primary points that is identified in the influential text The Postmodern Condition, as being crucial to the postmodern milieu, that of self-reference. Not content with merely naming their band after a sexual offender, the band went a step further and referenced that very moniker in the title of their album "Easy Prey". Beyond this, the first song on the album is the title track (as Roger Miret of Agnostic Front will tell you, "title track" means that the song has the same name as the album.)

The album sleeve itself shows two phases of the same event. The cover depicts an ample hipped girl, who is supposed to look like she's walking but in reality is clearly standing still. By the way, an old photographer's trick is to have models rock back and forth on their feet, which makes it look like they're walking when photographed. In any case, the young lady is walking down the beach, while a....well, a predator hides behind a supporting pylon for a pier. You have have to admire the care and bravado that went into the predator's outfit. Sporting a freshly torn t-shirt and jeans, extending his hand in a menacing manner (while wearing white pantyhose on his head) the man certainly looks creepy. And insanely stupid. In the distance, we see a fat dude swimming in the ocean, while a discarded box of film lays near the foot of the predator.

The back cover of the album shows the man, now unmasked, with the hefty girl over his shoulder like a proud hunter. The man now has a knife in his hand, which was nowhere to be seen on the cover. It's also on the back cover that the band proudly credits the photographer (Karen Torfin-Faile) and the model (Jill Kerr).

Insert
Aside from the spelling errors in the record's insert (most notably the word "trigger" which is spelled "triggre") the most telling detail has to be the lyrics to the album's title track. The fact that they went as far as writing a song about this subject, makes it seem like they were perhaps dangerously close to doing the first ever concept album about rape, a possibility that no doubt went through their clouded, white-trash brains. Here are some of the song's lyrics:

I sample a different woman every night
They strut around so enticing, it serves them right
Follow her home, until she's alone, and then I strike
Oh when they bite and fight back it excites me so much
But I can tell that she wants it, as I ravage her body completely

I don't want to get overly political about the insanity of these lyrics, so I wont. But needless to say, these lyrics are not only troubling (to say the least) they are also poorly written. I would like to comment on what the music on this album actually sounds like, but I have honestly never heard a note on the record. And why would I? I bought the stupid thing merely because I knew that if I didn't have it, and I told people about the cover, they wouldn't believe me unless I had proof. Now I have the proof, and now I'm telling you about it.




Thursday, January 31, 2008

Chuck Schuldiner And His Sweet Shirt With Kittens On It



Chuck Schuldiner, it would seem, was a very likable guy. Yes, I know that the high-heel women's boots he wears in the Dynamo DVD are laughable, as was the way he parted his hair during the "Human" album.

I know that some think he was lame because he changed the inverted cross on the Death logo to not be inverted (some said it was because he became a Christian, which is unlikely as he was raised in a non-religoius Jewish family, and he even said he did it to do away with the connection between his band and Satanism). More importantly I have noted that very few, if any people comment on the disappearance of the little skull guy on the "H", a far more important and significant omission.


All of this may be true, but Chuck made one contribution that is far more important than any other for the world of metal. That contribution is that he wore a dope t-shirt with kittens on it for this interview. Not only that, but he often wore it live and was photographed wearing it in Metal Maniacs.


One last Chuck note....during the time that my family and I lived in Miami, he lived in a nearby storage space. In Florida, living in storage spaces was common practice for people who were in bands, as has been discussed in great length by Richard Christy of the Howard Stern show (Richard played drums for Death, and is now a full time member of the show.) I remember the weekly Miami newspaper doing an interview with Chuck in 1992, where he talked about living in the storage space, and how during the recording of "Human", his old piece of crap car had caught on fire due to electrical problems.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that being in a death metal band is not exactly a fantastic money-making proposition, but living in a storage space in Miami during the summer months seems like the most depressing thing on earth. I picture Chuck singing the lyrics to "Pull The Plug" as he showered under a water hose in the back of the building.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dan Seagrave. The man. The myth. The muffins.

Dan Seagrave was part of the early 90's death metal holy-trinity. If you were going to make it in the biz back then you needed these three things (though some got by with only two):

1. Be from Florida
2. Record at Morrisound Studios
3. Get Dan Seagrave to do your album cover

As part of this holy-trinity, it's hard to criticize the man who brought to life such amazing artistic statements as the deer/man creature with a circular saw on the cover of Suffocation's "Human Waste". Nevertheless, I feel that enough time has passed, that we can now safely look a bit closer at some of his work. With time, we have gained insight, and with that insight we can look closer at the cover for Sepultura's "Arise".

A perfect example of his mid-career work, this piece exemplifies the kind of monochromatic fantasy worlds that populated his work during that time. Upon closer inspection, however, viewers will notice two things. First, Dan Seagrave was hungry (surely due to being broke, because I'm sure painting the cover to the second Lawnmower Deth album is not getting you dessert at Red Lobster.) Second, the man was horny. I'm sure girls didn't exactly think their dreamboat had just docked when he explained what he did for a living, "Well right now I'm working on the new Pestilence cover. I actually have to get home soon to retouch the floating sphere made of knives on that one. I should also do some work on the time machine that the robot is sitting on to go back in time and kill Jesus in the Nocturnus cover"

The proof




1. Clearly depicted here are two lobster claws holding dental floss.
2. Three blueberry muffins.
3. A woman bent over backwards for no reason at all.