Thursday, June 26, 2008

King Diamond: King of YouTube

My heart got crushed a lot as a kid. First there was no Santa, no Easter Bunny and no Tooth Fairy. Then I discovered that, to my dismay, King Diamond wasn't really the scary monster I thought (and hoped) he was. Man, I used to be scared of him, no joke! We had a Metal Hammer poster on the wall of our room and I didn't look at it at night, 'cuz it used to creep me the fuck out. "Them" is a scary-ass record and the videos weren't really light either. OK, so the band members were pretty glammy-faggy and definitely not scary, but you know what I mean.
As I grew older the fantasy began to dwindle. We (Lucho Metales and I) have talked a lot on MI about various meetings with the Danish Dwarf and how he's as scary as a plate of under-cooked strawberry pancakes. Sadly, these days KD occupies a place in my life which he shares with Carlton Banks, pogs and Thrasher Magazine. You know, those things that make you smirk to yourself when you think about them. Sorry, Speegster, KD is a bit of a joke...



This one is pretty funny. Of course, I'd done a way better job, but I did chuckle a few times. Who knew that the youngsters could be sarcastically funny like this?



Sure, this chick is ugly and has a terrible voice, but something about this video makes want me want to bend her over and record a few intros for a MeatShits 7".



This one has gotten around a bit... I can't tell if the teen on the left is a dude or an ugly broad. All in all, tho, I have to admit I think this video is pretty rad. Here's a quote from Blabbermouth about the clip (thanks, Seth):
In a statement released to BLABBERMOUTH.NET, King Diamond, who saw the clip for the first time earlier this week, said, "OH MY GOD!!!! That just blew me away!!!! Absolutely 200% AWESOME! I [have always said that] we have the best fans in the world! It's so hilarious and at the same time it really makes me feel so honored seeing the level of dedication and how much our fans get out of our music!!"



Best for last. Remember a band named Metallica? Yeah, they were awesome. This video illustrates two theories of mine: King Diamond is a tool and Metallica used to be awesome dorky fun-loving guys, before they became rock-star prick-fucker looser righ-wing assbags.

12 comments:

  1. Finally a post dedicated to the King! And yes, as hard as it is to admit, you are right, Skullkrusher. King is a bit of a tool. But when I was younger I was terrified of King. I can remember the first time I heard Them, "out from the asylum" scared the bejeezus out of me. I also remember reading that if you looked into the Eye on the cover of "The Eye" on the first of May, you would go back in time. So when the end of June rolled around, I hid my copy under my bed. Wow! I am really a pussy. I'm going to go kick my own ass.

    STAY HEAVY!

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  2. "if you looked into the Eye on the cover of "The Eye" on the first of May, you would go back in time. So when the end of June rolled around, I hid my copy under my bed."

    you GOTTA be kidding, right?

    well, when i was a kid, everytime slayer asked "do you wanna die?", i'd answer under my breath "no, i dont wanna die"... im gonna kick my own ass, too

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  3. I how at the beginning of the birthday song the guitarist is ready to play along before realizing... "Fuck. I not know that one."

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  4. bend her over and record a few intros for a MeatShits 7"

    A++++++++++++++++

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  5. 1. as skullcrusher's brother i can say that his slayer thing (answering the "do you wanna die?" question) is true.

    2. i knew king was a tool when i noticed he had a mustache. it broke my heart. it took me like three years to notice.

    3. i know i've told this story here before, but its worth bringing up. lonn friend (douche extraordinaire) once said that he was in a limo with lars and king, and he figured they must know each other super well, because they spoke to one another "in a secret, made up language to one another which only they knew." as you can imagine, they were actually speaking danish. oops.

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  6. oh another thing. richard christy (death drummer, and now staff member at the howard stern show) was asked on the air what his favorite drum solo was by howard. he mentioned a king diamond song, which i forget. they asked him to play it on the buttcheecks of a naked stripper and he did. it was perhaps the greatest moment in radio history.

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  7. F**kin' PoserJune 27, 2008 at 4:26 PM

    My daily dose of the absurd, thanks guys. You are the high light of my day.

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  8. After watching the second video, I think it is safe to assume that the kid who played Dewey in Malcolm In The Middle got a sex change and now travels across the continent in a U-haul van doing King Diamond karaoke.

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  9. KD was one of the first metal bands I listened to, mid-80's.

    I'd like to re-record all KD and MF albums with Messiah Marcolin on vocals...

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  10. "they asked him to play it on the buttcheecks of a naked stripper and he did. it was perhaps the greatest moment in radio history."


    HAHAHAHAHA A++++



    and king diamond is not a tool. you guys are mean. but "really short danish people" made me LOL heartily.

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  11. The King shall forever rule. Great post in any case. I don't think just because KD doesn't seem spooky anymore doesn't mean he didn't make great records. But who knows what the hell you guys actually think!

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  12. "just because KD doesn't seem spooky anymore doesn't mean he didn't make great records. But who knows what the hell you guys actually think!"

    true and true.

    .

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