Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Goretorture: The world's first Schwartzeneggar-themed grindcore band

One of my favorite films of all time is the 1985 classic "Commando," starring Arnold Schwartzeneggar. Before we go any further, please watch this legendary scene so you will be prepared for the rest of our discussion.

Now you can see why I love this film so much. You will also understand why I was so excited to discover the Finnish band Goretorture, the world's first of what will almost certainly be a host of Arnold Schwartzeneggar-themed grindcore bands!


The formula is familiar, but the execution is flawless. Like Mortician or the Meatshits, every song starts out with a lengthy sample intro, then they start blasting. Only unlike awful bands like Mortician, who force you to listen to over a minute of some girl screaming from a crappy 1970s horror movie, Goretorture treats you to quotes from the entirety of Arnold's career as an actor and politician. Listening to is like combining the delicious tastes of chocolate and peanut butter: you get the best moments from films like T2, Kindergarten Cop, Predator, and of course Commando plus the sweet sounds of generic drum machine grindcore to lull you off to the land of nod. What could be better??

What I really like about Goretorture is that they don't half ass it. Whereas other bands would wimp out by using only tiny snippets of Arnold, Goretorture gives you the whole enchilada. For example, one of their songs begins with a clip of Schwartzeneggar's California Governorship acceptance speech that goes on for a good 5 minutes. I love it! One of my favorite comedic devices is when things drag on and on and on and on and on until the audience is begging for death (see Neil Hamburger), and it is obvious that Goretorture are big fans too.

Visit Goretorture on MySpace, and more information and songs are available here. Don't miss out!! Before you check it out, though, watch this other scene from the classic film Commando:

16 comments:

  1. WHAT!! Haven't you guys heard of ArnoCorps? Each of their songs is based on an Arnie movie, I mean, classic Austrian folk tale... not to mention the Schwarzenegger-inspired vocals.

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  2. is slimy businessman in the 2nd clip the same actor who once howled WARRIORS, COME OUT TO PLAYYYY? massive win if so

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  3. my favorite part of Commando is actually at the very beginning, where he's looking at a teen magazine with his daughter. Matrix points to a photo and says, "Why don't they call him girl George?" Ha ha ha ha ha! Because if you think about it, that would make more sense given his exaggerated, feminine mannerisms!! In fact it's quite ironic for him to go by Boy George!

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  4. In first clip is that two girls in the bed?

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  5. Schwarzenegger!!!! No "t".

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  6. 1) yes, everyone should check out arnocorps. "total recall" = best song.

    2) neil hamburger!!!!! yes!

    3) i recorded a demo for a buddy's grind band once, and on one song we used a sample from twins... "for the first time in my life, i am pissed off!"

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  7. Awesome. I love Arnocorps too. Thanks Sergeant D for finding another gem. These bands are HIGHLY influential in getting me to buy Schwarzenegger movies.

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  8. OK, I was going to mention ArnoCorps too. They claim that Arnolds movies are a retelling of the history and mythology of Austria and are all true.

    I giggle like a schoolgirl at Neil Hamburger while my wife looks at me like I'm retarded.

    Get your ass to Maaaarrrs!

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  9. There's one more of these...Austrian Death Machine, a side project from Tim Lambesis of As I Lay Dying. They have a guy doing Arnold imitations between tracks, and all the songs are named for lines of movie dialogue. The album's coming out on Metal Blade sometime soon...it's not bad, and kinda funny.

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  10. However, I do digress.........

    Commando is dope.

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  11. I'm proud to call Arno Corps a local band, and even more proud to call Arnold Govenor. I voted for him because I'd hoped that he'd see our enemies driven before us, and when I say enemies I of course mean Oregon. I guess this is as good of place as any to announce the formation of my Jean Claude Van Damme nu-metal band, Van Dammage Plan.

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  12. Definitely want to agree on ArnoCorps being the originator of this idea. Also, screw Tim Lambesis and his shitty imitation.

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  13. Goretorture is awesome. ArnoCorps is also awesome. But Austrian Death Machine sucks so bad. THe nub doesnt even sound remotely like Arnold when he tries to do his impersonations and the songs are not good at all. Forget about ADM and stick with the first 2, they are both amazing.

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  14. wow there are other bands that do arnold songs!? i thought there was only austrian death machine the band i listen to. arnold sings in it. ok well someone pretends to be arnold.

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