Friday, June 20, 2008

A Mortiis Video Retrospective

Metal Inquisition staffer Lucho Metales meets his hero.

I'm amazed that this blog has been going for almost six months now and we've yet to talk about Mortiis. In all honesty, I don't know much about Mortiis or his music, but his whole black metal goblin schtick is brilliant and hilarious. I don't understand why he's even still associated with the black metal scene considering he was only in Emperor for a hot minute and his musical output since then has more in common with Depeche Mode than Bathory, but that's irrelevant. Just look at the fucking guy. He looks so goddamned ridiculous. He is the embodiment of all that is great/stupid about heavy metal and since we're all about laughing at the expense of others here at Metal Inquisition I present to you my top five all time favorite Mortiis videos, in no particular order.

1. Parasite God

This video features a topless Mortiis wandering through the desert and prancing around a castle over weak techno beats. If you took the worst Ministry song and multiplied it by a thousand that's what this sounds like.


2. Mental Maelstrom (Implode)

More shitty techno, but this time Mortiis is crawling through the walls and spying on a crowd of unsuspecting partygoers. It just so happens that the hot goth chicks partying are huge Mortiis fans and they can't keep their hands off of him or his bandmates. Lots of mesh and leather and touching.


3. Decadent and Desparate

More partying. This time Mortiis is strung out on the floor of a bathroom sans makeup after presumably having shot up heroin. He then wakes up chained to the ceiling of a warehouse and proceeds to be berated by Mortiis in full makeup. But who is the real Mortiis? Very postmodern. This song sounds like Nine Inch Nails, but worse.


4. The Grudge

In this video Mortiis and his band serenade a lucky maiden trapped in a box with a white translucent sheet drapped over it. This song rocks pretty hard. It reminds me of that band Filter.


5. Marshlands

This video is very artsy. It features lots of random footage edited together and makes no sense. It could very easily have been some college student's senior project. Sadly Mortiis is nowhere to be found.


As an added bonus enjoy this interview with Mortiis from Swedish television where they discuss how he lives in a castle, eats small children for breakfast, sleeps with wolves, and has thirteen toes!

14 comments:

  1. hahaha, i hope i can achieve one-tenth of mortiis' douchebagness in my lifetime.

    is there a video for "smell the witch" that's a great little ditty.

    the "industrial bullshit" tag made me LOL quite heartily. not sure if i understand "corn flour" though.

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  2. they coat themselves with corn flour (they = bleak folks) to appear recently encorpsed.

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  3. hahaha. i'm glad i didn't know that.

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  4. and why does everyone always make fun of lucho metales? haha

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  5. mortiis is an excellent example of the importance of parental love. love your children, lest their self-preservation mechanism turn them into goblins.

    p.s. hilarious post; the tags made me laugh out loud. kudos!

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  6. i actually think mortiis seems like a really cool guy! years ago there was an interview with him in The Grimoire in which Bill Zebub mercilessly mocked him, and he took it all in stride and laughed along with Bill. he really seems like a decent dude that's just doing his thing, with full awareness of how silly it seems to some people.

    also, about 10 years ago a friend of mine put on some mortiis in the car and this mosher hardcore girl that was there said "what's this?? it sounds like the music from Final Fantasy!" i thought mortiis would be proud, because i remember he described his style as "dark dungeon music" (this was before he went all techno).

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  7. yeah the old mortiis stuff is great. for 16 bit video game music.

    and i'm thinking the MI staff needs to interview bill zebub.

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  8. that last video with the interview is great. he's basically a norwegian marilyn manson, except he loves his mom.

    "and why does everyone always make fun of lucho metales?"
    you know he really is the type of person ppl make fun of. i dont know why, but for year i have been wondering how come he's always at the end of the joke. maybe it's cuz we're jelous of his good looks. im not kidding, i really think it might be.

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  9. you know he really is the type of person ppl make fun of.

    it's true. you would have to know him. think of him as the metal version of that guy from that Univision show that dresses in the bee costume and looks at the camera like "take my wife... please!"

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  10. A direct quote from the Mortiis Wikipedia page.

    "In 2005 the Norwegian government declared The Grudge as a cultural artifact, requiring the album to be in libraries across the country."

    Bwaaahahaaaaa!

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  11. Having pondered that gnome faced mother fucker for years whilst avoiding actually listening to his music I felt strangely compelled to change that today. Little did I know he was the evil elf of euro techno beats. From the look of him I bet he's a right miserable twat too, in a bad mood all day if he gets his eyeliner wrong. In England old people have small statues in their gardens of Mortiis wearing a pointy hat and holding a fishing rod, by order of the government.

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