Monday, January 5, 2009

God Bless The Internet

"I pledge allegiance to my gut, and my big pants, and my wallet chain, and my sweet flaming shoes"


As I've stated before, the thing that makes metal and metal fans so amazing, is their/our general lack of self-awareness. Though I certainly see the humor in my wearing what basically equated to a Pungent Stench dress in 1992 (damn Blue Grape Merchandise, and their oversized shirts), I really didn't then. It's with this in mind that I bring you the coolest, most metal guy on the internet. Ever. If you ever wondered whatever happened to that sweaty, shirtless guy who kept bumping into you at the Testament show back in '91, here's your answer.

Note:
Whenever I do posts like this, in which I merely share images or video I find to be funny with our readers, I get blamed of providing content with no substance...but I ask you: For a blog whose bread and butter is posts about Forced Entry, Blue Grape and Dannys Spitz' watchmaking business...what do you expect? The great American novel?




Uh...uhhm...oh, damn. Where do I even start? Jesus, maybe I'll just point out the not-so-obvious, nice booties..and nice stuffed Garfield on your right hand.




This shirt has made the entire world collectively depressed. As a result, NASA will now use satellites to make Prozac rain down upon us. Thanks you douche, all this just because you wanted to bang the chubby goth broad with the spider tattoo . I hope you're happy.



As all cool metal guys, this guy also has great Photoshop skillz...and he puts them to use in order to pose in front of Sarah Palin? I'm so confused. Also, judging by his jewelery, he must sell his wares to Chuck Billy.



"Yeah, turn on the fan so that my hair will photograph well. Wait, can you see the NASA patch in the picture? Make sure the NASA patch comes out."

21 comments:

  1. Talking of "Self awareness"...everyone back in '93 tried to make me understand that my hairstyle (http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/1801/oldlars5qs0.jpg) really sucked.
    Plus, I kept wearing 80s jeans and converse all-star(http://ima.dada.net/image/medium/159591.jpg) till mid-90s...

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  2. Frank, my dream haircut for the longest time was the Lars-do. Ugh.

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  3. Accessories for Chuck Billy, that's funny. Nuthin' more metal than turquoise! That bandana conceals a huge receding hairline I'm sure. This guy rocks a dream catcher from his rear view mirror too.

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  4. Awesome. That's all the same guy right? What does he do for a living? Is he the metal guy in accounting?

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  5. yes, all the same guy. though you'd think he was a roadie of some kind...he has an even weirder job. i'd rather not say though, cus then you'd find him online and ruin future posts. the guy is a goldmine. i love people who unknowingly could be Sacha Baron Cohen characters.

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  6. That's funny, when you said "coolest guy on the internet" I just assumed the post was going to be about Jonah WarriorOnTheEdgeOfTime.

    http://www.myspace.com/warriorontheedgeoftime

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  7. @LuchoMetales: The dude is an astronut?

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  8. "Lars-do" haircut...even Adrian Smith used it back in 1988.
    And 70% of metalheads from Germany and behind the once iron curtain, too...

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  9. What's even sadder is seeing him in person. I don't wanna out the guy and ruin future fun-poking, so I'll only say this: This Snake might be harmless, but he certainly is annoying.

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  10. I can top it. I wanted hair like Don Dokken.

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  11. ha, i've seen that guy before, he left glitter graphics type comments all over myspace pages of 80's hair bands (Faster Pussycat & Pretty Boy Floyd are the only two that i remember) peddling his shit...TO THE STARS!

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  12. Well I guess I gotta put my NASA trucker hat back in the closet till it comes back in style, or when something else blows up.

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  13. man, i love Pretty Boy Floyd! what an awesome band

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  14. Maybe no substance, but if I try to find even one pic as pathetic as those, I can't. Where do you find them? Anyway, keep bringing these no-substance posts. I love them.

    PS: After reading about dream haircuts, I'm glad I started listening to metal in 1991, so I was affected by Death Metal style of haircuts rather than heavy/power/thrash metal haircuts. At least I can see pics of me during the whole 90's decade without wanting to burn them (though the ones from 1991-1992, when it was growing, are kind of awkward. Luckily, I was a teenager into heavy music, so I was always trying to avoid pictures, so there's not many from that period).

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  15. Thank you Anonymous for that myspace profile. It's just amazing. How did you miss the inner-circle of inhumans, Lucho?

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  16. mary mother of god...thank you for sharing that myspace page with us...amazaing. i'm so bummed that i missed it. i suck.

    perhaps the guy is an astronaut...who knows. that one astronaut drove for hours in her car and wore diapers during the drive...remember? so anything is possible.

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  17. is that a NASA patch or a NAUSEA patch?

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  18. Please check out commentary on this dude at Metal Sludge...
    http://forums.metalsludge.tv/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=187061

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  19. http://www.myspace.com/coolpatmusic

    Rock n roll with a metal fist flashing the finger.

    From the same town as the mighty 220 Volt!

    Check out the video, they don't make it like that any longer.

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  20. Aww shit. I've got you all beat on bad metal hair. I not only wanted, but HAD "The Voivod" Half shaved quasi-hawk like Blackie. I rocked that shit too. Fuck I'm lame.

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