Friday, January 23, 2009

Wigger slam update, winter edition

There's a new dance craze that's sweeping the nation. It's called wigger slam and it's causing devastation!

It's been a while since we made a wigger slam post, which is a tragedy that makes Darfur look quaint by comparison. I would trade the lives of every single Romanian orphan for a single chance to play the Repudilation discography on my iPod while I'm in line at Starbucks. Seriously, fuck those kids, they're as good as dead anyway. In any case, there have been some exciting developments in the wigger slam scene that need to be mentioned.


Composted's SLAMBULANCE shirt
While it is disappointing to see that brutal death band Composted don't appreciate wigger slam like we do, we are still excited to see them raise awareness for the genre with the shirts you see below. The band is only mediocre (even to someone like me who has extremely low standards for slam metal- I mean I listen to fucking Artery Eruption!), but you might think about paying their MySpace a visit anyway. I'm sure it would make their day, since they probably spend all day bagging groceries or something to scrape together a pittance that pays the rent on the room they share with 8 other disgusting creeps at the local dirtbag metal flophouse. I'm sure glad I was never stupid enough to be in a band.


Entorturement vocalist drops some science
We have some insights on the origins of wigger slam from none other than the originators of the genre, Entorturement (and also the band who can legitimate claim to the worst name ever). He chimes in on the comments to an older post of ours, "The Facts About Wigger Slam":
LOL! This is Tim (former vocalist for entorturement). This is funny shit. Ok, yes Repudilation was the first to actually infuse a bit of Jazz into Death Metal. brian, their drummer, joined us and we wanted to do something different. So we went all out combining internal bleeding and suffocation with jazz,NYHC and Hip Hop. Growing up where we were you listened to Hip Hop. That was just how it was, mainly just NYC groups like Wu-Tang,Nas, Jay Z. It was like you are death metal (or deadhead,or jock) and you listened to hip hop. I am sorry for people taking it wayyyyyy out of hand. All the "thuggery" was taking the NYHC attitude at the time and multiplying 10 fold. In general, making fun of them.
Note that New Yorkment left them a nice comment on their Last.fm page:
OH FUKKKKKKKKK YEAH SON THESE BE THA SIKKKKKKKKEST SLAMZ EVAH!!! TOTAL BEATDOWN BRUTHAZ STYLE FO LYFE!!!
Amazon opens a wigger slam store
MI reader Matt Smith from Relapse tipped us off to Amazon's new wigger slam store. I'll be honest, the selection is a bit lacking (currently just a few Dying Fetus and Devourment shirts), but I'm happy to see that a big company like Amazon sees the potential for developing this market. I am sure that once they start producing Katalepsy and Abominable Putridity arctic camo parkas they'll have trouble keeping them in stock. MAKE IT RAIN!! I'm hoping they can hook up with Paul Wall and make some Soils of Fate grills. That shit would be HOT, and I'm sure all the European wiggers would eat it up. As anyone who ever sold anything metal-related in the 90s know, Europeans will buy anything!! I mean, without them, Joey DeMaio would have been out on the streets decades ago, picking cigarette butts out of the trash and selling Diet Mountain Dew cans for food.

See the store here!


Frogkill: World's first self-identified wigger slam band??

Perhaps I'm tooting our own horn here, but it seems that our influence has spread as far as Germany. We have been singing the praises of wigger slam for a while now, but it has so far been a externally-applied label. And to be honest, bands are generally not that stoked when we call them wigger slam (like these comments from that butthurt pussy in the Virginia-based wigger slam band Short Bus Pileup). A new one-man band named Frogkill is the first band we are aware of to call itself wigger slam, which is an amazing thing to behold! Congratulations, my friend! You are blazing new trails!We especially liked this statement on their MySpace:

And God said, "Let there be guttural slamming sickness!",
And there was guttural slamming sickness.
And God saw that it was good.

Now here comes the sad part. This poor kid is probably 19 or 20, and instead of sowing his wild oats banging hot German scene girls, he's spending his free time trying to impress internet metal nerds by making a one-man wigger slam band! Kid, you are going to look back on this part of your life and cry your eyes out at the way you pissed away the best years of your life. But congratulations on amusing a bunch of jaded metal dorks in their 30s at the expense of your youth!


Last.fm tags up 182%
Finally, thanks to everyone who has been dilligently using the wigger slam tag on Last.fm! If you haven't already, please tag all the relevant tracks you can. Fight the good fight! I'm not sure how Fall Silent got in there, but that's pretty funny.

45 comments:

  1. Hi!! Your blog are very nice and more info. I hope follow my blog and please click my google ads.

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  2. Mmm, underage German Tokio Hotel fans...

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  3. more wigger slam...after reading so much about it, i got curious last month and checked some of the links...the music doesn´t interest me, but i really like the band logos...and i stumbled across a band called Begging for Incest, which released an album called "awaiting the fist". I had to laugh at this excessively high regard for political correctness. and who would have guessed that the combination of band shirts and hip hop gear looks so good?
    PS: hope you don,t take all the flak you got for the emo crunk article too seriously, sarge. keep posting about shit like that as well! 100% metal all the time can get too boring at times.

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  4. D-- we get it. You non-ironically enjoy shit music. Can we please get back to Nocturnus time machine references, rare VHS rips, case studies and "Where Are They Now?" posts? Kthx.

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  5. come on... the amazon wigger slam store is pretty funny!

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  6. Mr D, as I will now call him, and I are very different indeed. While I enjoy wigger slam...and how can you not...he is more comfortable enjoying things produced by young people. While I'm happy to say that I'm not a grouchy old man (not yet) I also have to say that more often than I'm annoyed rather than appreciative of anything done by people just a few years younger than me. As a result, while he knows way too much about myspace hair and things with young girls...I'm rather clueless. This is not new, when I was 4 years old I told my mom that I thought I may have a heart condition. I'm not proud of this...just sayin.

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  7. The Amazon wigger slam store is fucking legendary. That seriously made my day. My only complaint is the lack of longsleeve shirts. Longsleeve shirts with a gratuitous use of the band's logo on the sleeves is fucking mandatory within the genre!

    What will wigger slam conquer next? I bet in the next six months we'll see a band from New Jersey called "Lacerated Scrotum" rocking out on an episode of "My Sweet 16".


    By the way, "Lacerated Scrotum" is the title for my band that never came to fruition during my high school years. Yes, it would have been technically a wigger slam band, but back then, it was just called New York death metal or the redundant and substantially more retarded moniker, brutal death metal. Such a pity I lacked the motivation and jnco jeans to make myself a name in the genre; we could have had one sweet logo.

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  8. Quite a bit of shit-talking in this post. Are you sure you want to invite the wrath of the Short Bus Pileup krew? You better get an arctic camo parka and keep your head low just to be safe!

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  9. i actually think short bus pileup are awesome, and i wish we could be brothers in slam. but the ball is in their court~

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  10. I just want to thank you guys again for opening my eyes to Wigger Slam, ive been rocking that shit in the ipod for hella days now...
    the insightful article on screamo crunk was a revelation too. although i really can't stand the shit (big surprise there), i've gotta give mad respect to the Sarge for digging up these weird treasures...
    PS you guys inspired me to write a rant on 'the history of rap-metal' over at Illogical Contraption, it's not up yet but stay tuned...

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  11. i'd love to redo the frogkill logo...not the metal bit but the vintage athletic inspired bit on the bottom. So if you are out there Frogkill, hit me up- I'd love to add a more authentic distress, punch some holes in those g's, and even connect the tail underneath since 2008 to something.

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  12. nothing better than blasting infernal revulsion from my headphones on a packed L train on the way out of work.

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  13. mad respect to Shawn there - we be all about the typography and the logos here.

    (you can tell all the graphic designers is reading MI, posers, all of us...)

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  14. Wigger slam metal was exactly what my pitiful life was missing for oh so long. Now I am complete. Thrilled to see the wiggerish arm movements tag back in action.

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  15. Cheers MI Staff!! I'm from The Bronx, NY, and I am an aging(35) metaller myself, a dinosaur in a sense. I stumbled upon your blog and I feel right at home. I also laughed my balls off at the "Wigger Slam" name. I didn't know someone reclassified it, but it really fits. I started seeing these bands pop up more and more at shows around the NYC area, and wondered what the fuck was going on. They all looked like Vanilla Ice mini me's on stage. I thought it was just a NY thing. Anyway, thanks for the laughs, and keep it up. Cheers, J.M.

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  16. People who complain about wigger slam posts make no sense whatsoever. I don't even like wigger slam and these posts make me want to listen to wigger slam based on principle alone. Come on...

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  17. well, as i'm the frogkill guy wasting my youth right now i just gotta say thank you metal inquisition for giving me the correct understanding of music. i always thought i'd be playing the music that i enjoy myself, the music i want to play, but now i finally know: music don't mean shit to me, it's all about my deep attraction to 30 year old metal heads!

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  18. ah, no. that turns out to sound kinda whiny. let's leave it at "OMGOSH i finally made it up into a metal inquisition wigger slam blog entry. thank you, seargent d!"
    yea. that's better.

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  19. i understand internal bleeding's voracious contempt.
    but now its gone way, way too far.
    this shit is just as ridiculous as vanilla ice.

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  20. amazon.com wigger slam store = mind blown!

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  21. Good blog, I think it's funny. Sounds like the new trend of NYDM Suffocation clones, Suffocation want their riffs back. Not into wigger slam death bands, I prefer the more original death or death grind bands, but this blog is awesome.

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  22. Just found one worth mentioning, Cadaverment/Dripping. Used to be friends with these guys back when I went to shows. The guitar player Seb Nasty is a true wigger slam guy, he's now a hip hop artist.

    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=99194676

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  23. You know, after reading that earlier blog about "screamo-crunk", wigger slam doesn't seem so bad all of the sudden.
    I hate you guys.

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  24. exactly! wigger slam seems almost quaint and endearing by comparison. screamo crunk is like learning about quantum physics, it just makes you question everything you thought you knew about the universe. wigger slam, well, it's just dummies in arctic camo playing slam riffs- it's so straightforward that it's kind of comforting after having your conception of reality torn to shreds by brokencyde!

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  25. That really is all too true. After reading that sceamo-crunk post (and I have now about 30 times just to make sure my eyes aren't playing a horrible trick on me), I felt oddly sick. I got that feeling of being gut-punched.

    So many questions arose. What ever happened to Emos being sulking, sorrowful queers? How can someone so douchy get so much ass? Why do people think Range Rovers aren't the ugliest cars ever? It eventually led to me re-evaluating mankind as a whole. Please, D, no more, I beg of you.

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  26. I just want to say that when I was in high school some friends of mine were in a band called "Slamboyant."

    That's still one of the best things I've ever heard.

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  27. What about wigger doom?
    www.myspace.com/buzzardstein

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  28. Dear Sergeant D,

    We love you and all the shit you talk about. We enjoy your blog and check it semi-often. However, we hate wiggers and the flak the music we make is getting because to some people it has hip hop influences. We highly disagree. Call us fags or gods, we just enjoy the genre too much to see it hit rock bottom and lose all meaning. Retarded wiggers seem to be doing this very well. For thus we hate the internet...and NY

    Stay safe and continue mocking us in every wiggerslam post. We appreciate your humor.

    PS. Pile Up is two words...just for future reference

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  29. true words by true wiggers.

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  30. I have to say he knows quite little if he thinks US started wigger slam, Infernal revulsion anyone? Yes, the japanese made wigger slam, US just copied it and made it popular. Other than that I lol'd a bit on the store in the american amazon coming along. And saw my favourite one man band getting ripped for being 'too young'. Oh irony.

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  31. WUT UP MAH WIGGA SLAMMIN MOTHAFUKKAZ. IM IN A STRAIT UP THUGGIN NECROMANGLER SICK BRUTALITYMENT GUTTURAL EAST COAST WIGGER SLAM BAND CALLED... THE SLAMBURGLARS. REP OUR SHIT AT http://www.myspace.com/slamburglars
    "The musical integrity of this band is just outstanding! Somebody please give these guys a medal! Deez guys suck mad nigger cockz." The Blackness Monster of Composted
    WE DROP BASS HARDER THAN HIROSHIMA, WITH NU SKOOL INFLUENCES SUCH AS C-187, LIMP BIZKIT, SOILS OF FATE, DEVOURMENT, INTERNAL BLEEDING, AND CEPHALOTRIPSY. CHECKK US OUT AND REP DAT SHIT OR BACDAFUKKUP.

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