Friday, January 16, 2009

Metal Inquisition is one year old!


Who would have thought that a blog which started largely as an afterthought would grow to be the behemoth Metal Inquisition has become? With over 400 posts, and a staff of 86 (plus 22 sub-contractors and consultants working at our Innovation Center), Metal Inquisition has grown to be considered an absolute authority in subjects as wide ranging as: Blue Grape Merchandise, Wigger Slam, and heavy metal real estate. Thanks to all the readers for making this possible.

At the risk of being accused of trying to rehash old content (like those Who's The Boss episodes where they would just use clips by having Tony or Mona say: "remember when..."), I urge you to go back through our early posts. While some may not be up to the standard that we are now known for, I assure you that there are some real gems in there. Back then, many posts got one or two comments, if we were lucky. I guess that's how Bill Gates feels about the days back when he only made one or two million a year.

Early on, we brought you such gems as a fat guy nearly having an aneurysm, David Vincent talking about cake and lemon pie, some sweet vocal exercises, we told you about how Glen Benton has a webcam, we discussed David Vincent's muffin top, we compared thrash revival to civil war re-enactments, we showed you Joey DeMaio wearing a man-thong, Helloween's artwork was discussed at great length. There are lots more posts worth mentioning, but you should really go back and look around for yourself.

It's been a great year. Cheers to ya'll.

48 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday, dicks. Here's to another year of dickish dickery.

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  2. You're the highlight of my websurfing...please don't stop!

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  3. You guys have brought me metal nostalgia and chuckles while in my dorm or at the office and I am forever grateful. I also would've not checked out Nocturnus had it not been for this great blog. Keep it all coming! Your humor is top-notch!

    ENTER THE DROIDS

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  4. Happy birthday you little posers! I was so happy to discover your blog 2 or 3 months ago. I had been looking for a blog like yours for ages: funny or stupid stuff about the metal scene that I loved (ca. 1988-1994). The modern metal scene doesn´t interest me at all anymore. Plus, you guys seem to like all the right bands. Keep on writing, and I will keep on reading!

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  5. As Billy Milano would say, "Congrats you rubbahnecks!"

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  6. As an avid reader, but not nearly metal enough to even scratch your balls (Or Helm's - where's that fucker anyway? That jibe at Greeks must've got to him), I'm still proud to say I've back-read your entire oeuvre for laughs. You've made me check out the fucking Nocturnus too, for the purposes of a fuller understanding. Lucho's nostalgia always hits home with me, as we share a similar background. Plus, he's one hilarious cat. I like Sarge's post-irony as well, but I miss 'Krusher. He was one unhinged mother effer.

    Here's to #2 on that cake.

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  8. I love this site. It's in my daily routine. You make me laugh - even though you are wrong about Prong. You nailed it on Tommy Victor - but Prong still had some good shit.

    Bring on more douchebaggery, jackassery and general Tom Foolery.

    -Cheeeeeeeeers

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  9. When I first discovered your blog last month, I read the whole thing back to the beginning. Its my favorite!

    Who Asked Ya?

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  10. While I enjoy the blog, I have mixed feelings over your continued existence, since I now know more about wigger slam, Kane Roberts, and Crazytown than any normal human being should ever know.

    So...thanks?

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  11. awesome and mine's tomorrow! happy birthday! I'll be (3)1 ! :)

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  12. Hey, let's toast for more years to come of MI. Love the blog. Anyway, what's with your brother, G.H.Balls and Awakening that don't post anymore? You can't leave us without new posts from Monday to Friday.
    Anyway, Congrats for the blog.
    Misfits.

    PS: To Chris: Helm's said he was not going to check the blog anymore after one post from Lucho. It was the one where he said, among other things, how disappointed he felt when he realized that King Diamond had a mustache. That must have been in October. I haven't seen him posting here anymore after that.

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  13. #2 on your cake indeed. thanks for skullfucking my workplace productivity and making me 38% more critical of everything on earth. nocturnus too, thanks for that. "the key" is amazing!

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  14. congrats on making it to your first birthday - hope you make it to the terrible 2's ya bastards.

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  15. Let us have another year!!! You guys rock!! Thanks for hard work. It amde for some great reading!!!

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  16. I now know more about wigger slam, Kane Roberts, and Crazytown than any normal human being should ever know

    welcome to my world! isn't it great?!

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  17. Boycotting a blog to defend the honor of King Diamond's mustache is about as surreal and MI as it gets.

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  18. Happy Birthday! Thanks for enlightening us all on the subject of wigger slam and for making me feel like a complete poser!

    Here's to another year of comedic fun.

    You guys have got to start doing more post about New York Hardcore.

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  19. Happy Birthday Creeps! The only people who care about 90's death metal as much as I do.

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  20. Keep up the good work fellas! I'll continue to spread the word about this great site.

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  21. Only posers would celebrate a 1 year anniversary. Every time I read this blog I curse Al Gore for inventing the internet. This site is like scat porn, you know it's wrong and are totally grossed out but you just can't stop watching. Keep stinking up the web ya bastards.

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  22. I really didn't think Helm was really offended...who knew? He's way metal in my book as a result. How many people do you know who would be offended by someone badmouthing King's mustache?

    Hopefully our blog comrades will join the Sarge and I in posting once again. I guess I have many metal related stories still in me, so i'll keep typing. when the blog started, we often had two posts a day...which in retrospect seems nuts. still, we'll try to keep a good pace for all of you.

    rock on. cheers or whatever.

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  25. What about a spotlight on the oldest metal legends still sporting leather pants.....Priest is a goldmine of comedy.

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  26. How did you make it this far without self-immolating from all the awesome? Amazing.

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  27. Congratulations on the 1st year. Because of you guys, I bring up Dan Lilker's tiny teeth in conversation way more than any sane person would!

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  28. Don't forget you are also the first celebrity to appear on the cover of National Geographic, Ranger Rick and Circus all in the same month!!! Congratulations.

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  29. Where did Skullkrusher and Awakening go?

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  30. they're busy with lame shit like work, life, etc. in other words their priorities are all fucked up. we hope to have them back on board shortly.

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  31. one year - fucking A! - if there's anyone using the English language on the web better than MI, I ain't seen it.

    (but Lubalin Graph for the new masthead type, what gives?)

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  32. congratulations and thanks. this is some of the funniest shit I've ever read and I'm psyched to read more. I really like the metal cover art criticism... the grim reaper one had me laughing pretty hard... surprised that didn't make it into your flashback, but whatever...
    anyway- thanks again.

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  33. just saw your new gay logo...hope this is just a birthday joke!

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  34. Cheers to you guys and here's to another year of Metal, lulz, beern and the Nocturnus Time Machine!

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  35. My favorite web distraction. Thanks.

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  36. the grim reaper one didn't got all that much feedback, so i thought it didn't go over well. i'm glad you liked it!

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  37. happy bday to us, i guess...

    sorry i haven't been around lately. the sarg is right, my priorities have been all kinds of fucked. instead of posting stupid nonsense on a blog, i have been busy with life. most of you obviously don't have one, but the ones of us who do usually get busy with other shit... for example, since the last time i posted, i almost died in a car accident, totaled my car, spent time in the hospital, got divorced, went to jail, lost my dog and almost lost my job. it's not a country song, sadly it's all true.

    anyway, i'll post again soon. i swear. i have been listening to brujeria A LOT lately and i'm thinking of doing a post explaining in detail why they are the best band in the history of metal.

    to my fellow MI staffers, i wanna wish a happy bday. specially the sarg and lucho. i'm glad you guys don't have lives and can keep this shit going. go steelers. :)

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  38. Hey, Skullkrusher, I got to see Brujeria here in H-town a couple of years back, they definitely kicks ass!

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  39. Metal Inquisition needs its hip new post-modern logo in order to go with its post-ironic stance.

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  40. Merry Birthday retards. Keep talking shit!

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  41. Lubalin Graph for the new masthead type, what gives

    lolz, you homo

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  42. Don't start sucking like a bunch of other sites I won't mention.

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  43. The new logo is guy. Which is Qubecian for GAY.

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