Friday, January 30, 2009

Special Superbowl Post: Shane Embury and Chris Kemoeatu, one and the same?



Are Napalm Death's Shane Embury and Steelers offensive guard Chris Kemoeautu be the same person? You may think I'm stupid for even bringing this up, but allow me to elaborate.

Look, I've seen Napalm Death live five or six times during my lifetime. NOT ONCE was Chris Kemoeautu there at the same time as Shane Embury. They are NEVER at the same place at the same time. Why is that? I'm telling you, they're the same person! So if you're going to watch the Superbowl this weekend, keep an eye out...I bet you won't see Shane Embury there. Coincidence? I think not.



For all our non-American readers, the Superbowl is a large sporting event where football is played. Not that other kind of football, American football. It's a sport where guys that look kinda' like Dino Cazares hit each other and make lots of money.

One last point about Shane Embury...is there no justice in this world? Aside from being an absolutely hideous, and horrendously fat human being...life has just dealt him another blow. He's now bald. Ugh.

17 comments:

  1. It's amazing how shane lached on to that coveted bass player slot forever! He must have ate every single person who ever hinted at yearning to replace him if he ever wanted to 'broaden his horizons'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i've often referred to shane embury's hair as resembling a "reverse mohawk". shit happens when you age. i'm in my early 20s and i have a ludicrous widow's peak. by the time i'm 30 i will look like devin townsend.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You know, I always thought the same thing about Troy Polamalu and the dude from Vengance Rising, but then I saw them together at church last year. I guess they're not the same person. Maybe just separated at birth?

    And don't hate on Shane and his moshroom haircut, afterall it blessed him with the nickname "Hongo" (moshroom in Spanish). I wonder how long until people start calling him "The Fat Gallagher".

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm a huge Black Dahlia Murder fan and I have been to their merch site probably 5 times hoping to find a shirt that doesn't look like its made for a 14 yr. old and that a 36 yr old could wear without looking retarded in, y'know maybe a shirt with just the band logo on it or something. But no, they are all lame. And now... here's Shane wearing one with that big bald spot which makes me not feel so bad for being a middle aged poseur. Thanks!

    Who Asked Ya?!?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Poor Shane might not be a contender for the title of "Mr. Metal Inquisition 09" (or maybe yes?), but at least his hair does not look like two enormous furry buttcheeks glued to his head anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  6. on top of ugly, fat, and bald...he's also sweaty. yuk.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What's all this bitterness towards bass players, Lucho? I don't understand all this hatred and lies. First Lilker, than Shane.
    You're evil.
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. ha ha..it's true. it's because i play drums i think. it's a rhythm section thing. also, i've always thought that most bass players could be replaced with a well trained monkey. notice that i say MOST and the WELL TRAINED. i'm not suggesting that Geddy Lee could be replaced by a badly trained monkey. oh no.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It's unbelievable!! They ARE the same person!! This is NOT an isolated incident though!! Many stars of other media have moon lighted as Metal musicians. Case in point....John Connolly of Nuclear Assault and Andrew McCarthy of John Hughes movie fame. I smell a conspiracy.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm a bass player, but I can't stand the blank sheet personality of most bass players, too. After all, I think that metal isn't their/our cup of tea, darkwave (Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy) is a genre where bass guitar rulez, instead. This is also the reason why a band like Tiamat sucks nowadays: trying to play like Sisters of Mercy without a dominant bass sound= shit.


    ...and so John Connelly kissed Molly Ringwald? Lucky guy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've seen ND a few times in my life as well and I've spoken to Shane a few times. Very nice guy...just a little sweaty.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ok, this is off topic but I know how much MI loves celeb chicks wearing metal t-shirts they'd never listen to, so I ask you, what band is this?
    http://movies.msn.com/movies/undressed/?photoidx=6

    ReplyDelete
  14. Re: Skid


    I'm probably wrong, but I believe Miley Cyrus is wearing a t-shirt of Iron Maiden's "No Prayer for the Dying".

    ReplyDelete
  15. I always thought Marty Freidman and Kenny G were the same person.

    http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r149/amyrabadawn/Marty.jpg

    http://myplay.com/files/imagecache/photo_345_square/files/artist_images/kennyG.jpg

    I'll bet you've never seen them together either!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Weekends to peopleig2tmean that they can have a two-day wowgold4europe good rest. For example, people gameusdcan go out to enjoy themselves or get meinwowgoldtogether with relatives and friends to talk with each storeingameother or watch interesting video tapes with the speebiewhole family.
    Everyone spends agamegoldweekends in his ownmmoflyway. Within two days,some people can relax themselves by listening to music, reading novels,or watchingogeworld films. Others perhaps are more active by playing basketball,wimming ormmorpgvipdancing. Different people have different gamesavorrelaxations.
    I often spend weekends withoggsalemy family or my friends. Sometimes my parents take me on a visit to their old friends. Sometimesgamersell I go to the library to study or borrow some books tommovirtexgain much knowledge. I also go to see various exhibition to broadenrpg tradermy vision. An excursion to seashore or mountain resorts is my favorite way of spending weekends. Weekends are always enjoyable for me.
    igxe swagvaultoforu wowgold-usaignmax wowgoldlivebrogame thsaleGoldRockU

    ReplyDelete
  17. The first scene looks more creative to me .
    Remove White Background

    ReplyDelete