Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Winds of Plague & Terror bring wigger black metalcore to the Bluegrass State

This is what hardcore shows look like in Kentucky.

I somehow found myself in Covington, Kentucky this Sunday for a metalcore show featuring Winds of Plague, Emmure, Terror, All Shall Perish, The Ghost Inside, and some Christian moshcore bands whose names I forget.

"If you smoke near my merch I will karate chop you into a million pieces. Faggot."

Moshcore rednecks don't like the gays
The first thing I noticed was how much people at this show liked to say "faggot." I'm far from the PC police: I love the GG Allin, Meat Shits, Gut, Necro, and all kinds of random goregrind/pornogrind. Even with nearly 20 years of sleazy grindcore under my belt, I have to admit I was kind of shocked to see the word "faggot" twice at this show, and even more shocked that nobody seemed to care.

"God said you're a faggot."

The Mystery Method: it' not just for chicks!
I'm a big fan of the VH1 show The Pickup Artist, in which a douchelord named "Mystery" teaches a bunch of nerds how to become master pickup artists. The methodology they use is called "The Mystery Method," and while it is definitely more than a little ridiculous, it works! I've used it with great success to chat up hot, crazy chicks over the past few months. The basic concepts are simple: you use an opening line (called a "gambit") to break the ice with a group of people (a "set"). From there, you employ a variety of techniques to keep the conversation going and move toward closing the deal. For example, you attempt to gain the upper hand by playfully criticizing the target (called "throwing negs"). You might also DHV (demonstrate higher value) by telling them you have to leave in a minute (an "FTC," false time constraint). You look for IOIs (indicators of interest), and if you don't see them, roll off (stop talking to the set). There are tons of other concepts, but you get the idea.


Mystery compares meeting women to playing the 12th level of a video game without being able to save

Anyway, I've been seeing this girl and things are going well, so I'm turning my attention from chicks to making more friends that are dudes. The great thing about the Mystery Method is that it works with any group of strangers, not just the ladies! For example, I saw a three set of old hardcore dudes standing near me, and deployed my gambit. "Hey," I asked, "you guys look old and tired like me, how late is this show supposed to last?" I took it from there, looking for IOIs and threading to new material accordingly, and before long I had three new friends. Say what you want, but shows aren't just for moshing and scamming on dumb scene girls- you can actually make friends there too!

For example, I still remember when Lucho and I met back in 1998 while we were both working the door at a show in Columbus, Ohio. Gene Hoglan's Balls and I met at some show in New Jersey in the 00s, and while I don't remember exactly when, I also met Awakening (the jerk who never posts anymore) at a show in 1997 or 1998.

Speaking of dumb scene girls, though, I ran into the daughter from the mom/daughter combo at the Brokencyde show the other week. I made eye contact with her from across the bar, giving her one of those "shame on you" kind of looks that a school teacher would give you while looking over their glasses. She got really nervous and scurried away.

Merch guy's away message while he sang Ezec's part in "Spit My Rage": Sup? Wah... Gone moshing for Terror. Back before the end of the set!

Terror
I went to this show with my friend from work who knows absolutely nothing about hardcore, but used to live with one of the guys from Terror by coincidence. We asked the merch guy if Doug was around, and he explained that he had just quit the band, got fired from his job at some mail order place, and was working as a doorman at some bar (I'm guessing the Hemlock). I bought a "Suffer to Return Harder" shirt and thought about how awesome it would look on me at the gym.



Scott Vogel was in tremendous form that night, with some great Vogelisms. Two gems: "We are not a rock band. We are not cool. We are fucked up kid just like everyone in this room." "We're all here for the same thing, whether we are black, white, or brown. Dick. Pussy." I also remembered that Scott used to date/fuck my neighbor when I lived in Cleveland about 10 years ago, so I told the merch guy, "Hey, tell Scott that a girl named J**** H******* is here and wants to talk to him." Anyway, they played all my favorite songs like "One With The Underdogs" and "Spit My Rage," and if I wasn't about to go hang out the previously-mentioned girl, I would have moshed my balls off. I didn't want to either get too sweaty or get punched in the mouth or something because that would inhibit my ability to make out.


Amazing lyrics: "Busters fall down when we're barking commands. Atlas ain't got shit on our steez."

Winds of Plague & Emmure
I was hoping to interview Winds of Plague for this post, but the press guy at Century Media blew me off and wouldn't return my calls. Anyway, I left before they played because I was in a hurry to see that hipster hottie. I kinda wanted to see them, but it was getting kinda late, and as much as I like their brand of moshcore... if you saw her you would understand. I finished off the last of my drink and bounced- but hopefully I'll get a chance to catch Winds of Plague this summer.

29 comments:

  1. Sergeant D...this post ruled...my buddies and I have talked about The Game/Mystery Method shit in relation to metal for a couple years now, so that made my day to have you write about it on here...also, it's true about the Century Media guy...I DJ a metal show on the radio and while most of the other marketing/label dudes I talk to are pretty good about hooking you up with interviews, tickets, etc. the Century Media guy is pretty whack...
    Anyway, great post!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know from the internet that the girl in Winds Of Plague (does she play keyboards? Does she work the merch bench?) has some pretty killer tits. They're not huge, they're not tiny, but they are pretty fucking sweet. Round, no stretch marks, and the nipples aren't all crazy fucked up.

    That's all anyone really needs to know about them. I steadfastly refuse to listen to Winds Of Plague because I don't shop at Hot Topic, but... sweet tits! That makes them winners over pretty much every moshcore/deathcore/metalcore/murph-murphcore band out there.

    ReplyDelete
  3. vogelisms are the single greatest thing to come out of HC in the 90s.

    "I WANT TO SEE SEVENTEEN STAGE DIVES DURING THIS SONG...NO MORE, NO LESS"

    ReplyDelete
  4. i love every scott vogel band. i even liked Slugfest back in the day. buried alive and terror are the perfect gym soundtracks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I used to be an AFC, no I'm a PUA. I don't throw out as many negs as I should, but definitely appreciate receiving IOIs before I get a BJ.

    I love how language has changed in the last few years!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I know I'm going to sound like an ancient fossil, but I'll be perfectly honest. I don't know any of these bands, and have never heard of any of them. Well, I have heard of Terror, but that's it. I've never heard their music or anything about them.

    On that note, stay tuned for my next post which goes into great detail about what posters hung in my room in 1991. Bands discussed during that post will be: Obituary, Morgoth, Believer, Nuclear Assault and Sacred Reich. In other words, I'm retired from metal I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know what everyone is waiting for....

    http://www.metalsucks.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/a6pue.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm looking forward to your next post Lucho, it sounds like something I can relate to, rather than all this 'shouty, bang bang bang' nonsense that the Sergeant seems to enjoy. It's myspace that has ruined it for us all. I can't even understand their haircuts, never mind the music.

    ReplyDelete
  10. yes, you guessed the girl's name right, but please don't post it. she was always super cool to me so i don't want to blow up her spot by posting her name. thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I still say, "fag", but I don't think I've ever called a gay person it. I use it in the Ozzie Guillen way, which is a Venezuelan thing that you wouldn't understand. Since I'm able to locate Venezuela on a map, I vaguely understand the meaning.

    I have no idea who Terror is. I think I saw an article about them in Cleveland Scene three or four years ago, said "Who are these clowns?", and flipped the page. It could have been Chimaira, though. Members of hardcore bands are like Jersey Guidobags: they all look alike.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yo, Sarg, I've been boning up on my PUA skills. I think we should def open as many sets as we can this weekend and see if we can't drop some killer negs for IOIs all around. Peacocking will be in full effect.

    ReplyDelete
  13. yo lucho, can´t wait for your next post! all these bands (minus believer) graced my bedroom walls too around that time.

    regarding this post...why am i not surprised at all by the fact that the sarge internalized the "mystery method"? Don´t know any of these bands neither, but funny post nevertheless.

    regarding christian moshcore bands...WTF is that shit all about?? Wasn´t being anti-christian once an important part of being metal??? I mean, i still own a couple of vinyls by Believer, Seventh Angel, Detritus etc., but I bought these because they were THRASH and not for religious reasons. I once read in an interview that these WWJD-kids go to shows, ask the opening acts if they are christians, and fuck off again if the answer is no, and then come back when one of these "jesus is cool" bands play. To say it with Exhorders immortal words: Fuck Your God!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I can't think of a better way to spread the message of our Lord Jesus than "DUG-DUG-DUG-DUG HUUUUUURRGHHH! URGH-HURGH-URGH-HURRRGGGGGHHHH!"

    ReplyDelete
  15. there is christian black metal now...so anything goes.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm in no way 'retired from metal', but almost all the bands Sgt D discusses I've only seen/heard about here on Metal Inq. I'm beginning to wonder if he's making them all up...

    ReplyDelete
  17. well i am hardly some kind of early adopter when it comes to music so maybe you got FIRED from metal!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I hope you missed Emmure too, it's hard to fuck up robbing the Acacia Strain and be heavy but those guys just suck.
    Also I would choose pussy over Winds of Gay anyday.

    ReplyDelete
  19. You gotta read the Game. Mystery is a neurotic vapid loser who every time he looses out with ladies needs his mum to come and get him and take him back to Canada for a rest. Read Neil Struas' the game - far better.

    ReplyDelete
  20. "maybe you got FIRED from metal!"

    Hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I prefer O'brien's The Game.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm really glad that this whole strain of brain retardo-mosh goatee metal has broken away from hardcore this decade and become its own thing, but I still wonder how anyone who should know better still calls it "hardcore", let alone mistake it for representing the entire genre. I don't know anyone in hardcore that likes this kind of music, just metalheads and mallrats.

    ReplyDelete
  23. So you've been seeing a girl for a while and it's going good...and you don't want to worry about gettin' your kisser punched when meeting up with ex-Terror trick because you may get some heat.
    So either you're pulling some area code safe zone shit or you're dating the Vogeljism.

    ReplyDelete
  24. haha nah not dating vogel's ex! i haven't seen her in 9 or 10 years. sorry to disappoint!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I saw this tour Friday night. Was a great show. As mentioned, Scott Vogel is great on stage, really hyping up the crowd (even pulling me up to stagedive a few times). All Shall Perish and Winds of Plague pwned.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You listen to gay shit sergeant d. And it gets fucking annoying when you try to sell yourself as some cool ladies man. Your not cool dude. Stop trying to be and if your gonna be into newer bands at least listen to the better ones. The ghost inside was prbly the best band that night

    ReplyDelete
  27. A lot of thanks for this post sharing with us .

    ReplyDelete
  28. Nice to see your post again. Look forward to seeing new topics with visuals.

    ReplyDelete
  29. HOT CAM MODELS WANTED!
    MAKE MORE THAN $10,000 EVERY WEEK.
    SIGN-UP AS A BONGA MODELS CAM MODEL TODAY!

    ReplyDelete