Mark this day in your calendar. Today is the day that Metal Inquisition has arrived. Well, the actual day happened sometime ago...but it was only today that we became aware of it. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the fact that the band Mordred's official blog is aware of our existence...and they are also aware of how insanely bad we think they are as a band. The post on their blog is a reaction to this post here at M.I. You can read their reaction here, or just read below. From their blog:
Someone hates Mordred
Now, I'm not one to post negative stuff about the band, past or present, but I've recently been sent a link from Mordred fan Ian Crocker, and am hoping that all Mordred fans will bombard the idiot's who printed the pointless article. Basically, it's a complete slag-off of Mordred, lacking understanding of the music and also tends to get a little personal, so if anyone out there in Mordred land wants to email these bunch of time-wasting cocks, get on board. I've been open to posting bads reviews etc, but this is just a joke.
Reading their take on my post, I went back and re-read my Thanksgiving Day masterpiece. By Metal Inquisition standards, the post was rather tame actually, but did feature some real zingers (if you allow me to give myself some credit.) But really, how could I not have been that brutal on Mordred? How could I pass that opportunity up? I mean, it's THEIR fault for sucking in such an unusual and groundbreaking way. If they had sucked as other bands did (like Heathen, Toxic or Gammacide) I would have pass them up for my Thanksgiving Day post. Flaunting your sucking abilities in front of me by putting out horrible music, and doing terrible interviews....it's like leaving an unlocked Rolls Royce Phantom with the keys in the ignition in front of a crackhouse, and then being surprised when you find out it's gone.
Perhaps the thing I love the most is that the guy's angry response includes a plea for their fans to email us, and respond in some way. As of today, there are no responses on their blog, or ours from fans. We have also not received a single email about this. Apparently, the three relatives that bought their records are no longer fans. Bummer. By the way, this is a picture of the guy who writes and takes care of their blog. No, I'm not kidding. This is really the guy:
Seeing a picture of this guy, is like seeing a rare bird in its natural habitat. His plumage alone is majestic! And look at that fancy shirt! It's as though four or five horrible fashion trends collided to create this gender-neutral beast. If his hair were black, I would almost be forced to use our beloved "elegant gothic aristocrat" label. See, to all of us who live in the western part of this planet, all British people seem aristocratic, particularly when they shop at the same wig store as Phil Spector. Okay, I will merely say this: Mr Mordred blog guy: the entire albino community of aristrocratic douchelords called. They want their wig back.Let's all celebrate this huge occasion by watching Mordered's idiotic take on music, race and culture once again. This video never gets old.
Looks like a mix of the late Brian Jones, and a blond Pete Townsend...
ReplyDeleteHow soon before Benediction fans lay a fatwa on Sergeant D's ass?
ReplyDeleteHow soon before Germans start burning effigies of Lucho outside of Manowar festivals?
ReplyDeletecould that guy be anything but a blogger?
ReplyDeleteHe comes from fucking Kent for fucks sake, of all the places for a mordred fan. His profile sounds schizophrenic nothing makes sense anymore. I was expecting an anal blast fan to be behind it, that would explain alot!
ReplyDeleteAnyone noticed he defines himself as a "writer of folklore, cryptozoology, music and film"???? Man this dude is talented!!!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, is it just me or the text on this entry is black???
I wouldn't be unduly worried about internet threats from this man. He looks pretty typical of the bog trotters that inhabit Kent, or Kunt, as it is known in the rest of Britain. Anibal, check out his blogs on the Monsters of Kent. I clicked on it expecting to see an expose of the women folk of Kunt. Instead it's nonsense about big rabbits...
ReplyDeleteOn another subject, Lucho, get the photo up of your Reign in Blood Cassette, lets have some more Metal Archaeology!! I'd photo mine and post it up, but it's back home in the UK and I'm trapped in this fishing camp called Reykjavik.
oops. yes, the text on the post was all black. my mistake...or...uh...i mean, it's to keep this blog very underground and kvlt.
ReplyDeleteplease tell us more about Kent! Why does it get made fun of? I want to know all about it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kent
ReplyDeleteThis may be some help. The best thing about Kent is; if you keep going the next thing you reach is France. Which says a lot.
It seems to be populated by teenage mothers, chav bastards and people on route to Calais for a cheap booze run.
Kunt aint so bad if you’re in the towns near London or Sussex, though coastal Kent towns are amongst the most drab and miserable in the UK with nothing for young people to do than play slot machines and get smacked off their tits.
ReplyDeleteEven though Kent is a short distance from the capital it always seemed to be about seven years behind in Metal years. I can report that the classic metal fashion combo of mullet, Maiden shirt, double denim and white trainers is still alive and well in the region. This shows true dedication, not easy in a time when goth has become the new chav.
From the look of him I’d say he looks like an Orpington man who probably bought that Bardot print on Brighton beach. He looks like he escaped from the Village of the Damned; so beware those kids have the eyes that paralyze.
These are amazing times for MI...I would leave a better comment but I decided leaving a comment for Sir Mordred Bloggington was a better idea.
ReplyDeleteIs there/was there a main industry in Kent that was highly industrial or depressing? That's what I"m picturing. I'm also picturing the flat that the guys in the show Bottoms lived in. I saw a few episodes of that show in Belgium years ago. How far of a drive is it from Kent to London?
ReplyDelete"elegant gothic aristocrat"...genius.
ReplyDeletei want you to know i'm going to steal this and use it constantly. only i'm changing it to "elegant hipster aristocrat" as my town is full of these dude.
man, i could get these kind of pics alllll day.
i thought it was Pete Townshend too.
I guess you could say that Kent used to rely on farming and income as a holiday resort. As soon as British people could get a better deal on cheap holidays to Spain or take a ferry to France they abandoned these resorts.
ReplyDeleteMargate, Ramsgate, Folkestone, Dover out of season i.e. ten months of the year in the pissing rain is cold, grey and fucking depressing.
Bottom was set in London. You wouldn’t earn enough in Kent to get a place as nice as that. Depending on where abouts in Kent you are London is about and hour or so away. Gigs at Wembley were always filled with boys from Orpington and Seven Oaks wearing ironed stone washed jeans and Kay’s catalogue leather jackets who’d driven someone’s mum’s Fiat Uno on the promise that they would be back by midnight.
ugh. well, sounds exactly like the kind of place where a die-hard Mordred fan would run their official blog.
ReplyDeleteby the way, ironed stone-washed jans=gold
Ironed stone washed jeans and a Maiden t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, puny arms and white Hi-Tec. Sometimes the mullet would be at that mid way stage where the top would be short straight and spiky and the back would have the last of a curl as their perm was growing out.
ReplyDeleteThe British equivalent of Metal Mama jeans is the Metal Mum leather jacket which were fashionable female attire in the early to mid 1980’s and were sometimes stolen from the wardrobe under cover of darkness by son’s who’d yet to save up enough to buy the real thing.
The problem with Metal Mum jackets which their son’s rarely realised was that Mum jacket’s have ‘bustards’ which are cut to accommodate the maternal bosom and render a teenage boy a peculiar shape which may lead to pointing and sniggering.
Darley, I'm picturing the jacket...and I'm laughing outloud. I can see it perfectly. oh...priceless.
ReplyDeletewe didn't make up "elegant gothic aristocrat," it's a real style that's been around for a while:
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elegant_Gothic_Aristocrat
kissing cousins with elegant gothic lolita, aka loligoth
it's so hard to keep track of all these types of people and sub-genres. By the time the whole "steampunk" movement...i just threw my arms up and gave up officially.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna start a blog. My mission: defend the mighty Benediction. Heads will roll.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm pretty ashamed to say this but I'd totally hit some of those Mordred guys from that video interview (yes, I'm a chick!) but they sound stupid as fuck. I mean, you'd fuck 'em but you wouldn't marry any of them. Still, I guess Mordred's music was so bad sex appeal fails them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, some guy I had a fling with and mildly stalked me goes to uni in Kent. I hope it gets bombed.
Listening to them talk reminds me of being a teenage girl at a shit house party in the 90’s, so stoned that I couldn’t muster the co-ordination to get out of a bean bag. Guys like that would sit crossed legged next to me rolling spitty little spilffs on the back of an Anthrax album and talk about their thrash/funk cross over band. ‘You know we’re like totally a cross between Primus and Funkadelic’ and yet they dressed exactly like Whitfield Crane, who himself was so styled in order to pimp emotionally vulnerable River Phoenix fans who were still in mourning. That’s my theory anyway.
ReplyDeleteFrank, I'd read your blog without hesitation! Get Helm and Misfits to write for it, too!
ReplyDeleteBack to Mordered. When you write a song like "Everyday's a Holiday" and twenty years later you're playing at Renaissance Faires to groups of fifteen people and making not enough money to pay for the van's gas, you deserve all the ridicule the world can deliver.
ahahaha, how did I get involved in a Benediction blog, zachary?
ReplyDeleteFrank could defend Benediction, you could defend Desultory, and Helm could defend King Diamond's moustache.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I remember everything except my girlfriend's birthday.
Daru, you should see what they look like now....oooooof.
ReplyDeleteFanboy looks like one of Dr. Suess' Yoo-Hoos or something out of the Lorax. Funny as F that you guys haven't heard jack from them.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, my word ver. this time is 'slasevil'. Oh yeah...
I was gonna say, that I wasn't able to defend Benediction (who could), but I can do my part with Desultory... I'm moving to Kent and start my blog.
ReplyDeleteOK, Mordred, 24-7 spyz, maalstrom, fishbone....is it really called "funk metal" or is it "metal funk"??
ReplyDeletei really think this topic and these bands deserve their own MI posting.
Mordred is basically Death Angel after smoking a pipe full of semen!
ReplyDeletefor cases where you can't quite use "elegant gothic aristocrat" you should at least slip in a tag for "limpwrist"
ReplyDeleteanyway, the samples of music in that youtube video were absolutely atrocious. i'm an open-minded metalhead, but that was just awful.
This whole article is hilarious. I love how this guy calls all the Mordred fans to storm MI...and where are they?
ReplyDeleteEven their blog post has 0 comments. That's fan dedication right there.
Man i cant believe that no mordred fans have chimed in, is he really the only one. His plumage makes me think that bill oddy is spying on him from behind a bush. Though he looks ready to whip up a limpwristed horrorshow on the MI offices.
ReplyDeleteSorry savage, I can't let this go, Fishbone= not metal what-so-ever.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Could those guys suck any more. It's like a joke band that does the theme music from a Saturday morning cartoon.
ReplyDeleteThe guy comes off as a Grade A nutjob in his profile.
ReplyDeleteHa, funny story- I used to not actually mind Mordred's music until I realized they actually took themselves seriously.
You post always benefited for us .
ReplyDeleteIt's really great to see all the lovely people in a single frame :)
ReplyDelete