Who Gave These Filipinos Those Rock Guitars?

The fact that Dark Angel rocks harder than Death Angel is an issue that was settled here at M.I. sometime back. Nevertheless, a two part mini-documentary about Death Angel that was done back when they first signed to a major label (with band members' ages ranging from 14 to 19) is certainly worth sharing with our readers. These guys look exactly as I wanted to look back then. Sadly, my mom wouldn't let me have long hair and I didn't have rad metal shirts. Sure, sure, my brother and I shared a couple of metal tees, but for the most part I was rocking my sweatpants, my Freddy Kruger sweatshirt (not a sweater like the one Freddy wore, no, a heather grey number with his face screenprinted on it), or maybe an OP shirt, all the while dousing myself in Brut cologne (to atract the ladies). Since baja's (drug rugs) came up in the last post, I should mention that I also wanted one very badly circa 1990, but my mom wouldn't let me have one. Bummer.

Check out their bodacious skate gear, the sweatsocks, the suspenders, the matching outfits....the Sisters of Mercy shirt? That shirt should have been a sign to us all about things to come. Enjoy.


Part One





Part Two

Kane Roberts: Renaissance Man Extraordinaire

Are you shitting me? I could (and maybe should) do a whole post on this cover. Did you notice the 'KANE' letters are on fire? They are on fire, man! And the helicopter is obviously looking for him 'cuz everyone knows it's illegal to attach bottle caps to your leather pants.

Well, Kane Roberts is the infamous Alice Cooper axe-man better known as "The douche with the machine-gun guitar who tries to look like Rambo." What most may not know is that Kane (real name Robert William) is a multi-talented Renaissance Man. This fucker is also an artist AND a video game designer! I hate "video game designers." There's something about that title that enrages me. I'm not sure what it is... maybe the fact that 80% of the people who claim to be "video game designers" are just fat losers waiting to die from a diabetic seizure induced by an over consumption of Jolt Cola, who think they are better than everyone in their on-line community 'cuz they can write 3 lines of code in their 'puter in their parents basement and read an on-line tutorial on texture mapping. (I know that was a run-on sentence, but it's OK 'cuz it's a pretty bad-ass diatribe). OK, back to Kane: His "art" is illustrated below. It's SO FUCKING TERRIBLE, I don't know where to start, so I'll make no comment and let the images "speak for themselves." Try not to choke on your saliva when LOLing.




Here's a few other images I came across during the research phase of the post:

Alice: "I hate you, Mom.. I'll kill you!" - Kane: "Me have big biceps."

The lamest/awesomest guitar store in the world. Is that a guitar in the shape of a priest in the back?

Teens in Sweden LOVE a buff dude with feather earrings and Sigourney Weaver doo. Seriously, do you know how much fresh poon I got in Uppsala last time I was there

Ross Bay Workout Gear

Look at this fucking dork (a Euro, of course). He recently sold a Blasphemy Fallen Angel of Doom "weightlifter" shirt on eBay. According to the item description "This is OFFICIAL and years old, for the Blasphemy members and the bodybuilderSatanicSkinheads incrowd! I prefer to wear Hugo Boss so I'm selling this to a REAL man!!!"

1. First of all, who the FUCK are the bodybuilderSatanicSkinheads? I've heard of bodybuilders, Satanists, and Skinheads, but is there really a group combines all three of those subcultures?

2. Hugo Boss made some killer Nazi uniforms back in the day, but I'm not too into their contemporary designs.

3. It's obvious this puny fuck has never worked out a day in his life. Just look at those skinny arms. No biceps, no triceps, and he's desperately trying to stick out his non-existent pecs.

4. Posing in a ski mask with a knife doesn't make you look tough. Take your fucking thumb out of your pocket.

5. Posing in your white-tiled bathroom doesn't make you look tough either.

6. Unless you're a guido or an actual wifebeater you shouldn't be wearing a wifebeater.

"Comes as you see pic, good condition, some stains (no cum or sweat actually).. My body is not included, unless you're a cute girl or one of them little Tokio Hotel boys (send pics).."

What kind of desperate loser writes shit like this? I'm about as sure that this dude hasn't used this shirt as a cumrag as I am that he hasn't gotten further than second base with a cousin. Not surprised he's into teenaged German emo. Great rear pose. Please do some fucking pull-ups and shrugs for those pathetic delts and traps.