Monday, December 29, 2008

Where are they now: Danny Spitz (with a little Nicko McBrain thrown in for good measure)

Check out Danny's eyes, he's looking in 27 different directions at the same time.

Known the world-over for our hard-hitting research and investigative reports, Metal Inquisition once again steps up to deliver the goods. This time we are looking into one of our favorite figures in the world of metal. I'm referring, of course, to the leading 5'1", cross-eyed watchmaker in the greater Boca Raton area: Danny Spitz.

We've reported before about Danny's business ventures, but decided to take a closer look at his life, and accomplishments away from the world of metal. What did we find? Some watches, some Maiden and a whole lot of baby Jesus.

Who's that tiny man behind the big desk? Is that one of Santa's elves hard at work in the workshop?

After years of playing with Anthrax, Danny was kicked out due to "a severe disinterest in playing guitar." After that time, Danny decided to cut his ties to music, going as far as ripping out all stereos from has cars. This is according to his website, but to be fair he probably did so because a cassette of Attack Of The Killer B's was probably stuck in there. Can you blame the guy? I'd rip out my car stereo too. He also gave away most of his guitars to Hard Rock Cafes all over the world. Damn! If any reader has seen his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Jackson flying-v while munching on a delicious cheeseburger in a Hard Rock Cafe in a Caribbean island, please let me know on the double! I dream of being in the presence of that sweet axe!

I dream of looking at that amazing fretboard while I dine on a fine cheeseburger.

It was at that time that Danny went on to pursue his life-long dream of learning how to replace watch bands, and batteries. Perhaps one day he was walking by a Dakota Watch Company stand at the mall, and he thought to himself "I really want to change batteries and watchbands, just like that teenager. By god, I will pursue this dream!". Danny got a bunch of degrees in Switzerland from schools no one has ever heard of, and he's now licensed to change the batteries in my Casio calculator watch.

Danny on graduation day in Switzerland. Is that Lars Ulrich to his right? Does this mean that Lars also knows how to change my watch battery? If it is Lars, he's actually the tallest person in a picture for once!

Danny now owns his own repair shop in Boca Raton, and has attempted to launch his own watch company. It was at his Boca Raton shop that he reconnected with Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden, who went in to get a strap on his watch replaced or something. This is where things get more interesting, at least for me. Nicko and Danny started making music in Danny's studio after meeting up at the shop. Aside for their shared love of music, watches, and living in Florida (who knew Boca Raton was the preferred retirement spot for aging rockers?), they are both really into Jesus. Big time. You see, Danny was born Jewish, but converted to Messianic Judaism, which really has nothing to do with Judaism. They believe in good ol' JC, and are similar to Jews For Jesus. As a matter of fact, once you convert to Messianic Judaism, Israel will refuse to give you citizenship. But enough about that. Turns out, Nicko is also way into the Lord. He converted upon setting foot inside Spanish River Church, a Boca Raton mega-church, after his wife begged him to go. Once inside the church, he began to cry uncontrollably, according to him.

Nice to see that Nicko has already started to wear the standard-issue David Koresh glasses. Nothing accents a pug-face like his like those shop safety glasses do. Nice job Nicko.

So it makes sense that these two started to play music. Though there is no word from Anthrax about Danny's possible attempts to convert them, Nicko says the following about Iron Maiden:

"I can't say to you that I'm trying to convert all these guys in my band to be Christians. I'm leading them on my route, and if they choose to follow what God's plan is in the Bible, that's up to them. I say to them all, you know, look, in my belief, at the moment, if you turn to your saviour Jesus Christ, I'll have eternal life in Heaven with you!"

Anyway the band they started, called 7x70 (a biblical refereence), also featudred Vanilla Ice (no joke), and Dave Ellefson from Megadeth, though Dave never actually played with them. No material was ever released. It's sad that the world missed out on the amazing music that such a brain trust would surely put together. Can you imagine? I picture it starting out with the bass line from Peace Sells. After that, the drums from Run To the Hills start up (yes, I know Clive Burr played that song originally) and then some sweet leads kick in courtesy of Danny. Once it all gets going, Vanilla Ice starts rapping over the whole thing. Can you say "amazing"?

Danny is currently doing another band with members from Accept and King Diamond, who are no doubt born again christians of some sort as well. Danny actually unveiled his plans for this band at the Cornerstone Festival. In his site he wrote:

I do feel (as I did in the past) that I have created an entirely new sound never heard by the human ear before.

"As I did in the past"? Is he talking about his solo in "Indians", because I would have to agree. That shit was blazin'! Anyway, Danny is now married to a woman named Candi. Who he said this about:

Not to confuse all you horny men out there that might think I have found the love of my life by her looks, big boobs, and fine butt alone... but Candi is the most kind-hearted, giving, and devoted partner I have ever had the pleasure of touching. She is a gift from the Lord and has an extensive education uinder her blonde belt.

Uh...okay. Candi is the daughter of a lesbian singer from Tampa, who primaraly sings Judy Garland showtunes. This is her site. They have twins together, who act in Volkswagen commercials (the latest ones for the minivan which star Brooke Shields) and were also in the Batman movie. If you are way into babies, you can read a whole interview about them here. Move over Olsen twins! Mini-Daddy needs to cash in after being fired from Anthrax!

Oh my! Look at that facial hair! Do I detect a mild case of Robb Flynn's disease? Also, those are so amazingly sculpted eyebrows.

After typing all this down, I'm both tired and depressed. I'm gonna' go listen to Among The Living while I take a nap.


  1. The depth of your research is unbelievable, Lucho. I can only add that there is a band called Watchmaker, which Danny should call out for being nothing but a bunch of posers. Unless you can fix someone's Casio, you have no right to bear that name.

    Also, why is it that every time someone converts, they go all-out and start sounding like mumbling fanatics? I had to read Nicko's statement twice to understand what he's on about.

  2. "I picture it starting out with the bass line from Peace Sells. After that, the drums from Run To the Hills start up (yes, I know Clive Burr played that song originally) and then some sweet leads kick in courtesey of Danny. Once it all gets going, Vanilla Ice starts rapping over the whole thing. Can you say "amazing"?"

    It could be the most epic song of all time!
    17 minutes of pure metal, intricate tempo changes, blazing solos, and Ice's rants about God, J.C. and chicks!

  3. Alright, stop! Collaborate and listen!
    I rock tons of Jesus bling and it's starting to glisten
    God grabbed me by da balls and is holding 'em tightly
    I flow like the Styx, daily and nightly
    Nicko, Danny and Vanilla - that's how we roll,
    God is on da phone, ya better answer da call
    If there is a problem, yo, we'll be solvin' it
    God is a D.J. - check him out revolvin' it.
    *Danny bursts into a solo*

  4. If that's really Lars Ulrich on his right, this means he's taller than Spitz. This means Spitz is a midget.

  5. Ok Chris, good job!
    Now, after Danny's solo, I'd call The Golden Gate Jubilee Quartet for an eight minute gospel section before Nicko starts up again with the intro from "Where eagles dare"...

  6. how does one come to be a watchmaker after being in anthrax? was it the whole "persistence of time" thing,where it was all about time and songs about time that made him interested? i mean,are watches THAT interesting? they tell time,but arent the ones that do other things too,like with a calculator and compass and easy to read digital numbers,considered takcy and cheap? so whats the big deal anyway?

    and also,how precise do you always have to be?

    "Say,Dan..its 11am,lets go to that big meeting"

    "No,with my Bulova it says it actually 10:59 and 14 thousandths of a second...weve got TIME hahaha!!"

    and if these expensive watches are so precise and crazy precision,why do they gotta fixed all the time?

  7. nah, it's not lars in the picture...but it sure looks like it!

    i've heard that danny's family was in the jewelery business, so maybe that's how he ended up being a watchmaker.

    i've heard that many if not most digital watches are more precise than fine swiss they are basically very well made, intricate machines that are complicated for no reason. it's like using a watermelon as a hammer or something.

    regarding "persistence of time" in one of the pictures i found of his shop, there's a printout of the Dali painting "persistence of memery", as well as his reference to the time "tick, ticking in his head" so he's clearly aware.

  8. quartz watches (i.e. those with a battery) will always be more accurate than those with mechanical movement (i.e. automatic or hand wound). basically with high-end mechanical watches, you're paying for the complications (movement) which are often made entirely by hand. there is an art to them (imo) but all that fun comes with price tags as high as 6 figures.

    ANYWAY (sorry for the drivel)... kinda cool to see that Spitz is into watch making.

  9. Everyone seems to be missing something here, maybe because everyone knows something I don't...

    Does this mean Vanilla Fucking Ice is a born-again Christian?

    Cause I would pay serious money to listen to him talk about Jesus. For real.

    Or even better... RAP about Jesus. He and RUN DMC could be like the next DC Talk.

  10. i love that the actual term is a "complication", something i learned from danny's site and from watching the home shopping network. i undesrtand that these watches cross over into jewelery and/or art...but damn, you must have some real balls to call something a "complication"...its like calling a part of a car a "uselessly complicated part that will brake and you could have done without". leave it to danny to dedicate his life to a useless pursuit. having said all this, if someone wants to give me a nice, diamond encrusted Rolex Presidential, i'll take it. i will then sell it, and trade it in for twenty Danny Spitz, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles replica guitars.

  11. i don't know if vanilla ice is a born-again. i wouldn't be surprised at all if he was.

    vanilla ice did the "ninja rap" song for the Teenage mutant ninja turtles movie...i wonder if him an danny talked about their love for the turtles...

  12. maybe with all the money he makes as a watch guy he can get his crosseye fixed. isn't that a totally common operation he could have had done decades ago? maybe he has a glass eye or something. if that's true he definitely could have incorporated taking his own eye out into the stage show, it's a definite lost opportunity. maybe throwing his eye into the pit, that would have been awesome. plus he could have had a road case full of glass eyes, which would have also been awesome.

  13. You know somewhere Danny has a shitty TV commercial for his watch shop and he's playing up the good Jewish kid angle for all of the geriatrics in Boca.
    "Hi I'm Daniel Spitz. Oy gevalt, I should have you mensches deal with the goys or worse yet the schwartzes? Come down to Kosher Danny's Watch Coral."

  14. the born-again member of Accept referenced in this post is most likely bass player Peter Baltes. big-time jesus weirdo.

  15. You´re missing the best sentences here:

    "Not to confuse all you horny men out there that might think I have found the love of my life by her looks, big boobs, and fine butt alone... but Candi is the most kind-hearted, giving, and devoted partner I have ever had the pleasure of touching. She is a gift from the Lord and has an extensive education under her blonde belt."

    I didn´t get it: is she heavenly hot or she´s not and that´s ok due to her extensive education?

    Was it really a gift from God or a probation from God?

    C´mon, Danny, we wanna know, and we´ve got the time.

  16. I actually think it's cool that Danny likes making watches... at least he didn't tattoo his head and start wearing camouflage pants in his old age.

  17. lucho, i am disappointed. im like 99% certain i told you about complications after i went to geneva and saw all the crazy watch stores there. i know its trivial but i am hurt that you dont remember. its like i dont even exist to you!!

  18. oh no...i remember...but i'm just fascinated by the whole thing. the watch industry really has some balls to admit that what makes the watches worth more (in part) is a "complication"

    i like the idea of playing up the jewish angle...sure would get some Cocooners (as we used to call old retired jewish people when I lived in miami) through the doors.

  19. I am right at 6'0". I have been in close proximity to Danny on a few occasions and it was like standing next to some weird, muscly, cross-eyed child. Kinda creeped me out.

  20. Several things:

    1. The band 7X70 was not a Christian metal band or a rap metal band, or a Christian hip hop metal band. There's no hip hop elements in the leaked track "Off The Chain" AT ALL, and the only Christian reference was the band's name. The lyrics do not refer at all to Christianity or preach it.
    2. Rob Van Winkle -- Vanilla Ice -- WAS NOT A MEMBER OF 7X70. He contributed vocals to "Off The Chain", and possibly other unreleased tracks, but he was not a member of the band. The band was Nick McBrain and Dan Spitz. Van Winkle was a guest vocalist, and did not rap.
    3. Van Winkle is religious, but not to the point where he has devoted his lyrics to preaching about Christ. He often raps and sings about sex, and dabbled in horrorcore. Only one of his metal tracks, "Molton", features a religious reference: "I am a holy soldier".

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