Monday, April 6, 2009

Great black metal interviews

A few months back, fellow M.I. staffer Gene Hoglan's Balls posted what may perhaps be the greatest video of all time. I'm talking about the famed interview with Profanatica in which they make absolute assholes out of themselves by saying ridiculous shit, while wearing corpsepaint in their mom's basement. Although the most crucial part of the interview was edited (band members masturbate onto a bible), the amazing comedic value of that video will not be forgotten by all of those who saw it . Sadly, the video has since been taken down from YouTube, which is a real shame. All that remains on the interweb of this great video, is one lone screenshot (below). We can also be reminded of their stupidity by this now internet-famous (obviously not work-safe) shot of them naked.

So where does that leave us, now that we have no access to Profanatica making huge asses out of themselves? Well, much like a monkey who is forced to drink his own urine as a result of not having access to water...I was forced to find cheap replacements to entertain myself. I will admit, these videos don't come close to the genius that was Profanatica's interview...but they'll have to do for now. By the way, I love how these bands tend to do their interviews while sitting at some kind of black magic desk, filled with candles and skulls, and potions. I wonder if I can buy a desk like that at Ikea.

"No pretty people"
This video features some of the aspects that made the Profanatica video great, but in smaller doses. Band members talk about the scene, about how black metal is real, about how their music makes no compromises, all while one guy randomly makes noises.

"The high potency of magic"
This guy seems to be baking cookies while he does his interview, he's constantly mixing ingredients while sitting at his evil desk. He should really wait until after the interview to make the cookies. I know, because I once tried to bake a cake while I was on the phone with my mom...and I messed it up badly. This one is kinda' long.

"All these people, on this planet which they classify as Earth"
Oooof, I don't even know what to say about this one. How can I describe it...a highly effeminate man (talks about about his band while shuffling playing cards and drinking from a Bud Light tall boy. Does that coat he's wearing look familiar? Why yes, it was last worn by Gaahl's boyfriend. Check out the picture.

I know the Absu video is old...but it still makes me wonder if there is now a secret society of black metal dudes who like each other's company. Like a modern day, gay black metal mafia. By the way, to all those who gave me crap for posting about the "rumors" that Gaahl was gay, please note that he has now confirmed this. The story has now come up in greater detail in Norwegian newspapers, and Germany's Rock Hard magazine.

But back to the Absu dude, I like how he says that "some people" classify this planet as being Earth. Actually, we ALL kinda' classify it as Earth. Actually, we refer to it as earth...but I think we probably CLASSIFY it as a planet. No? A dog is an animal, yes...but perhaps we could also classify it as a canine and a mammal. The order of things, according to my science teacher in high school, was: Kingdom, division, class, order, family, genus and species. Planets aren't even animals...but you get my point. It reminds me of members from the Nation of Islam, who put every single concept, term and idea into question no matter how small. "The so called white man, has been in so-called control of this so-called country, by use of so-called politics."


  1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha

  2. If you think that's bad, then you should see Absu's music video.

  3. I still think the Krieg interview is hilarious just for the live footage:

    When I saw a lot of these interviews a few years ago, I swore they were from 1994 or 1995, but the American Underground Onslaught videos were actually released in either 1999 or 2000. I'm not 100% sure, so we need to consult Pat from Hellwitch for a definite answer.

  4. man what a shame, that profanatica video was priceless. there really are no words in any dictionary to capture it. that video (maybe) even surpassed the prodigious interviews with genius Varg.

    (i can't believe the interviewer didnt comment or rip into those chodes in that profanatica interview) maybe he was afraid the boys' mom was home (upstairs) or didnt wanna make the little teenie boppers cry.

  5. The true nature of Thornspawn is getting four fat ugly fucks and allowing them to play for free in a soup kitchen so unlike pussy commercial black metal bands, they can stay true to their roots. I feel robbed at not being able to see the Profanatica video, although I’m not sure what a group wank over the good book would have done for me. The guy from Blood Storm is boring but is so sincere that I’d feel obliged to nod and smile if were stuck with him at a party. The last guy comes over like the drug dealer who arrives at the same party and makes people talk to him for ages before gets out his wares, and then insists on changing the CD to the band that he is ‘managing’.

  6. The blood storm video leaves me confused.

    I want to know if he uses an easy bake oven?

    and Since when did grimoires come ringbound? im guessing it was a womens weekly baking supplement.

  7. You know, I totally non-ironically love Absu, and that is exactly what I imagined an interview with Proscriptor to be like. The part at the end with the Norwegian and Danish (?!) flags is particularly lame/awesome - shouldn't he be burning them or something? Also he never bothers to actually do a full Tarot card reading. I want my 25 cents back, you lame carnival sideshow freak.

    YouTube comments are even more awesome than black metal. Like this one from the other version of this video:

    "And anyone who says anything about Proscriptor and homosexuality is a Jew."

    You go girl!!!

  8. Rumors about Gaahl? Geez, which kind of straight guy go to gay clubs to "drink beer"? Of course he is gay, someone has to be really clueless to deny it.
    In the book called Shaving Your Parts Is Not Necessary, there is a foto from Profanatica. Argh.

  9. The whole "jew" thing in black metal...oh boy. Can I blame that one on Darkthrone for their whole (and I quote...) "should be thoroughly patronized for their obviously jewish behavior"?

    It's weird how "jew" is used as a derogatory remark in such general terms, and not regarding anything having to do with anti-semitic stereotypes. you know?

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Drawhla,

    The guys you were with who were in black metal bands, were they out? Did they keep it quiet due to possible repercussions within metal circles? I have to ask, because this may be insanely common in BM (as you suggest). Some years ago, The Source ran many articles about homosexuality in hip hop, something that had to be kept hush-hush due to the male/macho aspects of the music and the cultures in which it thrives.

    Also, and sorry to ask you so many your opinion, what would it be about black metal that would attract a (perhaps) disproportionately high number of gay men? Not saying that because you're gay, you're an expert...just wondering what your opinion might be.

  12. Lucho
    Most of them were out within there "circle of friends" which included the band of course. Only one was completely closeted and he was pretty insane.
    Anyway, I live in Argentina, I don't know how things are in other places, but I guess its the same

    don't know why BM atracts so many gays, probably it's the makeup and the flashy wardrobe. I guess it's kinda like being a drag queen without getting your ass kicked

    BTW: I was never into black metal

  13. Drawhla,
    I'm from South America too, I can't imagine living in most s american countries, being into metal AND being gay. those guys probably have a hard time.

    black metal and drag. perfect. make-up...accessories. fantastic, and probably true.

    as far as you know being into black metal, don't worry. you're not missing out on much.

  14. I don't understand the homophobia in black metal. Seeing that conservative christians think homosexuality is an affront to god, you would think they would be lining up to put it in each other.

  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

  16. @drawhla I hope the outings could inspire people from other styles than black metal.

    @Lucho Metales the homophobia isn't just at the black metal scene (I hate using this word), at least in South America (I'm from as well). I used to argue a lot with my ex because of his remarks about homossexuality, he used to say "it didn't belong to heavy metal". HA!

  17. "Hell yeah, fucking skulls"!

    I just love how, when one of them is talking, another will guy will take over the gesticulations. That's teamwork!

  18. The full Profanatica interview is on their DVD 'The Enemy of Virtue' I don't remember the wanking onto a bible bit, but I did sit through the entire cringe worthy interview. At 34yrs old, I see it hasn't aged well. What I probably thought was cool and evil when I was 17 hasn't tested well against time... I think Profantica make excellent music, they are one of a hand full of American BM bands that are worth anything musically. The other bands featured in this post are all American and would fall into my category of SHIT.

    I am attracted to the theatrics of BM but I certainly am not gay. I think it probably comes down to escapism. Like the whole Dungeons and Dragons thing that attracted me to Iron Maiden and the like when I was a kid. Claiming that a lot of Black Metallers are in the closet is a bit of a cheap shot, which I didn't expect of you Lucho. I'm not homophobic, it just comes across as baiting.

    Yeah yeah, that 'Jew' thing. I think it was hovering around before the Darkthrone press release, I don't know where it originated, as unwholesome it is, but there are plenty of bands that don't go around spouting this shit. Remember that.

    I prefer BM bands that don't give interviews, the ones that do allow themselves to be open to attacks for their shear stupidity.

  19. I used to love Profanatica back in the days and I remember laughing at that 'naked yet worshipping Satan' picture they had on their 7"EP (As tears of blood stain the altar of Christ) back in 1993.

    Now I've aged, I realize this is more than ridiculous. Freaks with their dicks out, just like the (un)godly APATOR !

  20. Alex,

    no, no...I'm not saying that tons/many/all guys in BM bands are gay. I was only asking the question based on the previous comment, since according to his comment, it's possible that other men in such bands may be (hence his "tip of the iceberg" comment). I see how it could come across that way I'm saying "all guys in ___ bands are fags!" etc just to get people upset or whatever. That was not my intention. I wanted to know more, and from his experience figure out if many others were, and what their situations with being out within metal may be. That kind of insight, of someone who's been with gay men in black metal is simply to good to pass up for an annoying gossip like me.

    if there are many gay men in black metal, perhaps a disproportionately high number, we'll never know anyway. i doubt that it's disproportionate...but like the hip-hip articles that ran in the Source, they are interesting because they are at odds with the musical scene in which they least the obvious characteristics of that musical genre. I'm aware that all macho things can be seen as gay very easily. Cops, sailors, etc.

    Without getting much into stereotypes, I see how the theatrics may play into it...but even stating that, is using a stereotype that doesn't necesseraly hold true. These more serious topics are tough to write about online...hence my tendency to avoid them at all costs. I wasn't stating it to be shocking or bait people...I simply had to ask questions since someone with an interesting personal story came up. Anyone who just read this is proabably falling asleep. That's why I'm better at making fun of Joey Belladonna's house.

    As far as theatrics and the D&D quality of black metal, you are probably right. I never played D&D, video games or anything like that...but as a kid, Kiss and other bands made me feel that there was this other world out there..something else that i could feel a connection to at times when perhaps i was not thrilled with the world that surrounded me. you know? wah wah wah...poor me. I know it sounds bad...but i think it was true back then.

  21. I've always compared black metal's theatrics to comic book heroes when I talk about BM with people who aren't into it. They seem to kind of get the comparison, and really it helps me draw a line for non-listeners to realize that there's BM I enjoy and take seriously (the intelligent stuff, Darkspace, Drudkh, Deathspell Omega, etc) versus the ridiculous and cheesy / fun stuff that just puts me in a good mood (insert so many examples here). It's all cathartic and obvious escapism regardless, but what music isn't?

    That's why I love this blog though, it makes fun of metal as much as I think metal deserves to be made fun of... while appreciating and loving metal at the same time. Metal can definitely be a labor of love, even if you're just an avid listener.

  22. Lucho, fair comment. Don't worry I didn't get upset about the gay comments, I like to think I have thicker skin than that. I understand you're asking about someones opinion on a subject. I think the fact that Drawlha has met so many Gay Black Metallers is that he is Gay himself (not that there's anything wrong with that...)? But yes you're right it's an opportunity than you can't miss. And having said all that, there must be at least one in ten Black Metallers who are gay anyway given current thought but it's a lifestyle that is at odds with the music imagery. Not really being involved with the BM scene as closely as I used to be, I have no way of gaging the effect Ghaal's coming out has had on the scene as a whole. Maybe more people will come out, maybe not, only time can tell.

    It's a tough subject alright, but makes for interesting debate at least... And you're still writing funny posts which is why I keep reading.

    Black Metal can be completely ludicrous, I'm a complete BM fan, but can also stand away from it and see the stupidity. I can see how it sets itself up for a fall in the eyes of the layman. The scene is populated by tools who do nothing but damage. I remember you mentioning a time when it was perceived as something dangerous and truly frightening. Those exciting days are gone, with Douche Lords like the ones in the videos making sure the nails are firmly nailed into it's coffin.

    I'm also completely in tune with your other worldly ideas of Metal on impressionable youth. It's a lifestyle we all hankered for through the music. There is nothing wrong with Escapism, Music in one form or another has helped me out through many tough moments in my life and still does. Even if that escapism just means sitting down and listening to records to help forget certain shit situations.

  23. Alex,
    I think your views are sane and healthy...your ability to see how silly something is, but still appreciate it. I have to say that my ability to do that fluctuates greately. By that I mean, that I see how silly metal can be..but my ability to truly enjoy it to the fullest has gone down with the years. hence my tendency to write about metal in the past tense. i will post about this at some point, but aside from my memories and the friendships i have with those who write for this blog, i have nothing to do with metal in any capacity today. i don't buy music, i don't see live music, i don't really read about it, talk about it etc. the only thing i actively do that has anything to do with metal is perhaps that i listen to it from time to time, and when i do its all music that came out before 1995 or so. in a way, it's kinda' like an adult writing about his years playing little league baseball, or simply writing about his high school years. those memories are still real, but in my case they are just something i think about in the past tense. if i think or write about something that is going on today, its about a band or something i encountered back then.

    okay, now i put myself to sleep. sorry, i'm long-winded today.

  24. Lucho

    Long winded is always good. I'm sorry you feel that way about Metal today, but times change, we all grow up, leave some things behind. That's only natural. I for one am glad you write about the older times for underground metal as it reminds me of the great time I had back then, what with tape trading and the like. Your postings make greater impression on me than the other MI staff (No offense lads) because you talk about things I was involved with as well. Rather than about Wigger Slam Black Crunk Grunge or whatever it's called these days.

    OK I'll get off your dick now and cease this mutual cock sucking fest.

  25. see, at the end there you bring up homosexuality yet again. is there no end?

    ha ha...that was me being funny. i think.

  26. Wow! You two really cleared the message board...

  27. I love Absu as well but they are pretty goofy. I just read an interview with Decibel with Proscriptor and he sounded really weird. He spoke English in such a pretentious and bizarre way he sounded like a foreigner. I bet he's pissed that he was born in Texas instead of Norway.

  28. "And having said all that, there must be at least one in ten Black Metallers who are gay anyway given current thought"

    if i may quote atom and his package(argh, never thought i would type THAT phrase): "statistics say there's a 1 in 10 change of being gay, which means there's a 40% chance that one of the guys in pantera likes men."

  29. Wow, someone actually read the shit I wrote up here...

  30. that monkey got America through some tough times - Homer Simpson

  31. ThrashinglikeaheteroApril 6, 2009 at 10:50 PM

    i'm not gay or anything... (not that there's anything wrong with that?).. but I think what we have here is a case of 'good' fags [glam] vs 'evil' fags [BM]. It's just not that easy to spot the fags in BM, they are a crafty bunch and it takes some serious state of the art gaydar devices to detect the true 'poseurs'. I'm all for gays doing their thing... hell, my favorite author Chuck Palahniuk, is a total cockmonkey... but i'm glad far... my favorite genre(Thrash Metal) has the least known closeted fudgpackers... and if they are in there with tom cruise I really really hope they stay there till they're a bag of bones...

  32. I remember in the early 90s, when this was all "underground", a lot of the more notorious black metal musicians built a persona and gained notoriety by saying outrageous things in 'zine interviews. On top of that, the "metal press" was quick to exaggerate or make shit up, and I'm convinced that the "big local scenes" were just a couple of bands that happened to be from the same city and actually had to play outside their hometown.

    If these people had cameras on them in the early 90s, the element of mystery or danger that attracted a lot of people to black metal would have been destroyed; because it's really just ridiculous when you see this guy in corpsepaint and he's not posing for a scary photo, sounds like the guy you buy coffee from, and looks to be 5'7" tall. It doesn't help that this is obviously where he lives, and not a cave in the forest.

    Remember what we used to think about Norway back then? Most of the guys in Emperor were like, 18 when they rcorded "In the Nightside Eclipse" and I expect that everyone else was not exactly Mr. Brutal. Euronymous' shop was probably in a strip mall, Varg was probably a straight-A student and I wouldn't be suprised if Hellhammer played drums in a jam band.

  33. Euronymous' shop was in a crappy european street corner, there's pictures of it online...but i can tell you this much...dude's belly shirts were NOT brutal. that's for sure.

  34. thrashinglikeahetero, that's cool that you're NOT GAY or anything, but your use of the term "closeted fudgepackers" is pretty stupid. thanks god thrash hasn't been infested with us faggots!

  35. ive always sorta thought BM had more in common with EMO than it did with brutality. Ive never been able to get into it.

    Lots of "poor me, life is so hard".

    Lots of "oooweee you look fierce in those jeans girlfriend!" (3 snaps)

  36. sounds like the guy you buy coffee from, and looks to be 5'7" tall

    yes, because that would be like Lucho, only 3 inches taller. HAYO!

  37. I have really enjoyied reading your well written article. It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles. Keep up the good work!

  38. Would just like to say that as a black metal musician and follower, as well as being a full open and out gay, has absolutely no repercussions in the real, modern world. My band are fine with me being gay. The circles we mix in are. A couple of people have had problems, but they just get told to sit down and shut up by everyone else when they start spouting the "fags dont belong in metal" bollocks.

    Besides, what other excuse do I need to wear fetish gear on stage?

  39. Awesome to see these video clips .

  40. This is a fantastic website, could you be interested in going through an interview concerning just how you made it? You can visit my site.
    funny bible videos for kids

  41. You there, this is really good post here. Thanks for taking the time to post such valuable information. Quality content is what always gets the visitors coming. buy youtube views

  42. Hackeroffice is a hub of unlimited software & games for windows and mac. You can easily get your hands on latest versions of any software.
    iStripper 1.2.176 Crack

  43. Brilliantly communicated.Breath taking quality. Worth Reading. Source