A few months back, fellow M.I. staffer Gene Hoglan's Balls posted what may perhaps be the greatest video of all time. I'm talking about the famed interview with Profanatica in which they make absolute assholes out of themselves by saying ridiculous shit, while wearing corpsepaint in their mom's basement. Although the most crucial part of the interview was edited (band members masturbate onto a bible), the amazing comedic value of that video will not be forgotten by all of those who saw it . Sadly, the video has since been taken down from YouTube, which is a real shame. All that remains on the interweb of this great video, is one lone screenshot (below). We can also be reminded of their stupidity by this now internet-famous (obviously not work-safe) shot of them naked.
So where does that leave us, now that we have no access to Profanatica making huge asses out of themselves? Well, much like a monkey who is forced to drink his own urine as a result of not having access to water...I was forced to find cheap replacements to entertain myself. I will admit, these videos don't come close to the genius that was Profanatica's interview...but they'll have to do for now. By the way, I love how these bands tend to do their interviews while sitting at some kind of black magic desk, filled with candles and skulls, and potions. I wonder if I can buy a desk like that at Ikea.
"No pretty people"
This video features some of the aspects that made the Profanatica video great, but in smaller doses. Band members talk about the scene, about how black metal is real, about how their music makes no compromises, all while one guy randomly makes noises.
"The high potency of magic"
This guy seems to be baking cookies while he does his interview, he's constantly mixing ingredients while sitting at his evil desk. He should really wait until after the interview to make the cookies. I know, because I once tried to bake a cake while I was on the phone with my mom...and I messed it up badly. This one is kinda' long.
"All these people, on this planet which they classify as Earth"
Oooof, I don't even know what to say about this one. How can I describe it...a highly effeminate man (talks about about his band while shuffling playing cards and drinking from a Bud Light tall boy. Does that coat he's wearing look familiar? Why yes, it was last worn by Gaahl's boyfriend. Check out the picture.
I know the Absu video is old...but it still makes me wonder if there is now a secret society of black metal dudes who like each other's company. Like a modern day, gay black metal mafia. By the way, to all those who gave me crap for posting about the "rumors" that Gaahl was gay, please note that he has now confirmed this. The story has now come up in greater detail in Norwegian newspapers, and Germany's Rock Hard magazine.
But back to the Absu dude, I like how he says that "some people" classify this planet as being Earth. Actually, we ALL kinda' classify it as Earth. Actually, we refer to it as earth...but I think we probably CLASSIFY it as a planet. No? A dog is an animal, yes...but perhaps we could also classify it as a canine and a mammal. The order of things, according to my science teacher in high school, was: Kingdom, division, class, order, family, genus and species. Planets aren't even animals...but you get my point. It reminds me of members from the Nation of Islam, who put every single concept, term and idea into question no matter how small. "The so called white man, has been in so-called control of this so-called country, by use of so-called politics."