Monday, April 20, 2009

More Metal Photography From Around The Interweb

If you ever thought you looked cool while wearing your Slayer shirt, think again. This is exactly what you looked like to everyone around you, a semi-pubescent rapist with creased jeans.




Here's a little fashion tip...stop pulling your fucking pants up once they reach your armpits. Why? Because you want to have kids someday. Also, show some respect to Pushead, he didn't work on the shading of the scale for hours so that you'd cover it up with your white jeans. Damn.





Was this picture taken in Ohio circa 1989, or Williamsburgh circa 2006?
We'll never know.

Can he open cans with those teeth?
Easily. He can also chew through leather belts and ceramic tile.

Which Overkill album is his favorite?
"I choose to celebrate their entire catalog"

Why is he wearing those safety glasses?
Because once his friend Chester comes over, the shit is going to hit the fan. Literally. Chester is planning on taking a shit on a fan to see what happens. Man, white dudes have all the fun.

Do his victims remember the feeling of his dirtstache on their face for years?
Absolutely.





Fuck...Lita Ford has really let herself go.




Look, I'm not trying to say that you can't be fat AND play in a black metal band. Wait, I lied. That's exactly what I'm trying to say.

PS: Wearing a LIVESTRONG bracelet on stage is not exactly kvlt.




I know what you're thinking "Ha, ha...those third world metal fans sure are funny! Look at them making funny faces for the camera." Well, don't laugh. They're not making funny faces for the camera at all. The economic downturn has hit developing economies very hard. What they're doing is showing potential clients the equipment with which they'll be sucking ten thousand cocks in order to buy a BC Rich Ironbird, and a Marshal practice amp.





As a drummer, I'm very sensitive about the way that fellow drummers are treated in bands. Seeing this picture depressed me to no end. This image is proof that no matter what country we live in, we will forever be second-class citizens. Are drummers really so terrible to be around that you literally have to put us in another fucking continent while we play along to the horrible fucking song you wrote? You agree to play a guy's power ballad, and this is the thanks you get?




Do you remember that one guy in your math class back in the day who said Metallica were "super gay", and that the reason they were gay was because they made a video for One? Well....he was at least partially right.




My reaction to seeing this picture serves as further proof that I'm getting old. When I was 13, I would have found this to be both awesome and hilarious. Today, I happen to know how much it costs to have concrete poured...and seeing this picture is making my blood boil. Fucking kids.




Who knew that King Diamond would be the type to lounge around the house while rocking a free promotional fleece vest, knock-off Oakleys and a Nascar hat. You know you're pushing the douchebag envelope when even Lars Ulrich dry heaves upon seeing you.




Is Jason Newsted so broke that he's cutting hair to make ends meet? No. What he's is doing is collecting hair from stranger in order to give himself Trujillo-like braids. Why? Because late at night, after crying for hours about no longer being in Metallica, he pretends he's on stage playing Whiplash while crabwalking through his living room.




I seriously wrote about twenty different captions to this picture, and none of them did it justice. It's so amazing, that any caption would ruin it. It would be like ordering a $120 entree at a fancy restaurant, and then coating it in ranch dressing and ketchup. You just don't do it. Still, a thought came to mind...

I'd like to think that humans are slightly more advanced than animals, and as such don't eat or normally kill our young. Still, you kinda' have to wonder how this kid's parents stopped themselves from killing him in his sleep at some point. Little did they know that the result of a single night of carnal pleasure would mean a lifelong sentence of having to hear about how amazing both Operation Ivy AND Deicide are.

27 comments:

  1. combining Operation Ivy and Deicide on a single jacket is the cream of the crop. hesus...

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  2. "a cow died for that jacket, so you could ruin it for two bands you'll outgrow in a year"

    That was the caption, right?

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  3. Piss taking aside for a sec, I think Lita Ford looks pretty good these days. She’s still working the rubber clad suburban mum dominatrix look, plus she lets her kids play with huge fucking guns.
    http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=407226587&albumID=133283&imageID=7358167

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  4. Which Overkill album is his favorite?
    "I choose to celebrate their entire catalog"
    probably the funniest thing in this post.







    also, bullshit @ no fatties in black metal bands. look at vrangsinn from carpathian forest:

    http://blog.estadao.com.br/blog/media/noruegues.jpg

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  5. oh, I know there's fat people in black metal...i'm just saying that there shouldn't be. i also don't think there should be short hair, shaved heads, or facial hair. keep in it real.

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  6. I have short and facial hair, and I am as tr00 as they come. Total Kvlt, that's me.

    And where do you keep getting these pictures of me? Are you in contact with my mum?

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  7. Op Ivy kicks ass. Best band those Rancid fuckers have ever been in.

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  8. Who are Deicibe? Were they on Lookout Records too?

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  9. Confession time: The first two days of school (in 1997), I wore a Moon Ska Records shirt and a Once Upon the Cross shirt.

    Not quite OpIvy and Deicibe, but still pretty good.

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  10. Finally, King Diamond shaved that stupid moustache. Now if he could only get the keys from Mike Browning to the Nocturnus Time Machine and do everything all over again except moutsache-less.

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  11. Where did you get that photo of a current day MC Serch?

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  12. I was listening to Overkill at the gym yesterday lol

    And I painfully admit, by 1995 I "outgrew" Deicide and started loving Op Ivy after hearing it in a van on way to a show...all the while talking smack about how Green Day and Rancid suck :/

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  13. That jacket IS utterly hilarious, but... I listen to both Deicide and Operation Ivy, and I can't be the only one, ha.

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  14. i totally understand about the concrete picture. the other day i caught myself wanting to apologize to every business owner whose curbs i waxed as a teenage skateboarder after i had to chase away some kids skating the curbs in our work parking lot. somebody has to repaint these things you whippersnappers!

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  15. Mc Serch, oh my god. didn't even think of it. no comments on the lars/kirk make out picture? admittedly, it's low quality so it might be fake...but then again...who knows. that was the time when they were trying to be shocking and wear make up. leave it to 40 year old dopes to think that's what shocking is.

    Alex, I'm in touch with your mom. Absolutely. she fills my inbox with embarrassing pictures on a daily basis. I have some great posts about you coming up!

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  16. Re: The Lars/Kirk make out picture; Maybe it is real. Maybe they and Jason were stuck in a love triangle where Jason lost out and now Newsted channels his pain by giving free mohawks during his breaks as a copy boy.

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  17. I think it's cool you finally decided to post some pictures of yourself...which one of those blowjob kids are you?

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  18. ha ha...i was the one taking the picture!

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  19. Op Ivy kicks ass. Best band those Rancid fuckers have ever been in.as you might guess, i like Transplants the best.

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  20. Somewhere, I have a picture of me playing violin in high school orchestra where rocking a mullet and a Rust In Peace shirt. Fuck yeah. I rule.

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  21. Ha, my 9th grade high school yearbook features a photo of me in the Young Republicans Club with a Blue Grape-sized Black Flag "Family Man" shirt and the Jason Newsted shaved sides haircut. Thanks for bringing back that memory!

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  22. Lucho,I'm sorry about my mum, I'll ask her to stop, unless you like it of course.

    I remember hanging out in Maiden/Slayer shirt and thinking I was the dog's bollocks. I saw a picture of myself recently, I looked like a complete douche lord... Stupidity of youth I guess..

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  23. Alex, like you I have some regrets about my dress. For one, if I hadn't dressed like an ass, maybe girls would have liked me at a young age. It was as though most of us were purposefully trying to keep the opposite sex away.

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  24. Totally with you on that one Lucho, I was like a bizzaro magnet that actually made women run away screaming from me.

    Mind you, even though I cut the mullet off and stopped wearing skin tight light blue jeans and high tops, not much has changed. Women still run screaming from me.

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  25. Back in the day, I would have made false papers to get a jacket like that.
    When I was 13, I sported a sweet denim jacket with the likes of Celtic Frost AND Exploited. I think I had very confused ideas...or maybe not.
    Alex and Lucho, if you made women run away screaming from you, I'm pretty sure I did the same things for guys!
    However, if I had met some guy with a Prong hockey jersey, I'm sure I wouldn't have escaped!

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  26. Well, since I was 15 I had hope to see King Diamond without that moustache, I thought he would look cute. How WRONG I was. Maybe if someone pulled a Queen of Hearts on him...Still talking about him, why almost every forty-something metal musicians likes this horrible sunglasses? Where is Queer Eye For The Straight Guy when we need it?????????? Gosh, I need something beautiful to help me with my eye sore...

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  27. I appreciated your photograph , Weldone .

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