"I know Satan, I know evil...for Nicolas Cage is my father"

Call me elitist, but when I think of all the types of upbringings that could contribute to someone getting deeply into metal...growing up in a mansion in the Hollywood hills doesn't exactly come to mind. Yes, this is indeed Nicolas Cage's son, and his band Eyes Of Noctum will be putting out an album in early 2009. Watch the video below and you'll see a future stage banter all-star in the making. I think he took lessons in stage banter at a wrestling school, and his look is basically a complete lift from Phil Anselmo's black metal years, which itself was a stolen look from more legit black metalers. As such, this kid's entire life and look amounts to a game of black metal telephone...and by the time things got to him, they were sadly distorted. I mean just look at all those damn rings on his fingers. The guy is like the pseudo-black metal Liberace.


Also, note that rather than giving himself a metal name, he uses his "real" name....Weston Cage. I say "real" because Cage is a last name his father made up early in his life as an actor in order to not be automatically recognized as being Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. Weston, seems to have no issue with this. Still, I'm sure he wishes his dad had given him a cool first name like "Satano-Destructo"...why not? He just named his last kid Kal-El.

I think its nice that his parents paid for him to get that chinese hair straightening. Also note that at the end of the video, he gets in a limo with his mom. Very metal.

This is what happens when your parents pay to have your publicity photo taken. Evil, yet brooding and sexy. Nice mix champ.

The Great Kat—Video Roundup

What can I possibly say about the Great Kat that these clips can't say for themselves. The Long Island native (figures) went to Julliard (something that EVERY bio, set of liner notes, or write-up had to remind you of, probably due to strict orders from her managment) and went on to terrorize America's ears with the dumbest shtick ever...playing classical music at high speeds. She's still at it, believe it or not. She even did a nice patriotic video post 9-11, which you can see below. My friend once saw her live and said that all thirty people in attendance were made to go on stage and worship her on their knees for her song "Worship Me Or Die"....ugh. I remember metal dudes saying she was hot stuff back in the day. Oh boy. Maybe the liked awful yellow teeth. They probably thought Lori Bravo was hot stuff too. Much like the Predator vs. Alien argument, which was only settled once the movie was made, the Great Kat vs. Lori Bravo argument is as old as time itself. Sadly, it can only be settled by doing a movie about it...and Hollywood is not taking Kat's calls.

I picture her today, working at a car wash in Long Island, mumbling to herself as she scrubs down a guido's Escalade "worship me or die, worship me or die, worship me or die". She probably cries herself to sleep alot.

We're Internet Famous!

Well, not really, at least not yet, but that shitty metal magazine Decibel decided to return the favor after Sergeant D interviewed their Editor-in-Chief and the author of Choosing Death: The Improbable History of Death Metal and Grindcore, Albert Mudrian, and interview us. Of course we're not good enough for the actual magazine so they posted it on their worthless blog. You can read our witty answers to their stupid questions and check out some candid photos of your favorite Metal Inquisition staffers here.