Thursday, September 11, 2008

About time: Celtic Frost call it quits (AGAIN)

Yes, it is true! As I write this my eyes are tearing up. Sure it's just '
cuz my office is really dusty, but I'm still sad (sorta...actually, not really) that Tom and Martin have called it quits. Again. Seriously, this band breaks up and gets back together every 3-5 years. I understand that the only choice these Swiss rockers have to re-forming the band is going back to day jobs as bank clerks in the main branch of UBS in Zurich, but c'mon! Have they done anything worth a Swiss Franc since 1987? Strike that, I forgot that "Into the Pandemonium" was as heavy as dirty gramma panties.

By the time "Pandemonium" came out they were already starting to look like glam fags. Still, there something about this shot I really like... The jury is still out on this one.

In their official statement they said
"...that any continuation of CELTIC FROST without either one of us would be irreconcilable with our original ideas and detrimental to the group's legacy." Wait a second... wait a second. I'm sure you know where I'm gonna go here... "detrimental to the group's legacy"? Are you fucking kidding me? What would you call "Cold Lake"? Or the photo below? Fuck me! THAT was detrimental!

Jesus, Joseph and Mary! I don't mean to be blasphemous here, but c'mon! Unbuttoned pants with suspenders and no shirt? Fingerless white gloves? Frosted denim? What's missing here? Oh, yeah, denim shorts! The ONLY redeeming wardrobe piece in this shot is what appears to be a calculator watch on Tom G. Warrior's wrist. I point that out 'cuz I'm wearing one as I type. No joke.

In the statement, they also refer to CF as a "truly unique band". But are they really? I happen to know a lot of bands that put out two or three good records and then decided to start sucking asshole. Then, after 15 years of being mocked by their old fans, they decide to "come back", just for said fans to mock them even more in blogs such as this one. Sorry, guys, you're not that "unique."

I'm sorry if you disagree, but this video is WAY more of a joke than St. Anger could ever be.

Listen here: I know how influential CF were. Shit, I have Morbid Tales in my CD player in my car right now, but let's not forget that these clowns are partly responsible for the disease we call black metal.

Thanks for nothing you Swiss fuckers!

If we're gonna dedicate post after post to making fun of
Danzig and Metallica, I think we should do at least one post to celebrate yet another passing of the band with the highest awesome-to-shitpile ratio in the history of metal. So, here is to Tom G. Warrior and 17 other guys who were in CF at one point or another. May you have a happy retirement and see you again when the money runs out in 2-5 years!

Hey Tom, do I detect a mild case of Robb Flynn's Disease?

"After the battle is over
And the sands drunken the blood
All what there remains
Is the bitterness of delusion"
Exactly! You said it best...


  1. Skull, I love you but Monotheist was AWESOME and Frost will be missed. At least Warrior took everyone good with them (with the exception of Martin) and formed a new band called Tryptikon, which someone pointed out is the name of a Transformer, which is also awesome in its own right.

    Frost is dead, long live Frost.


  2. They set the standards for my beloved generic death metal. I'll always be grateful to these guys for that.

  3. I'm sorry, but the Transformers (toys, cartoon and live-action movie) are fucking gay. They weren't cool back in the '80s, and they still aren't cool.

  4. why the "sickle cell anemia" tag? there are no black people in this post.

  5. I agree outside of Morbid Tales and To Mega Therion (but before they reformed for Monotheist) everything else stunk. I hate Into the Pandemonium (Mexican Radio? come on that song sucks). I was glad to see them twice on the tour to support Monotheist and that album is solid doom and they should now go their separate ways forever (no more reunions).

  6. two great bands that were influenced by Celtic Frost and had nothing to do with black metal:

    Sheer Terror

  7. Mesh? Electro-Tom Warrior Synthpop?

  8. Echoinf Lucho, here's another reason to love them: without CF, would there have been Noothgrush? Ok, ok, I can't say the name of that band aloud without gagging in embarassment. But apart from that, totally cool.

  9. Monotheist is one of the most potent HM records of the decade. I am not unhappy that they broke up as I don't necessarily want a follow-up to it. It'll take a long time to fully digest and appreciate.

  10. "why the "sickle cell anemia" tag? there are no black people in this post."
    no, but there's "black metal" people.

  11. as pretentious and full of himself as mr. warrior is, monotheist was a great comeback. alas, i did get to see them once, although the show was waaaay too expensive. i was hoping the cycle would repeat itself and they'd be cold laked again by the end of the decade...

  12. This band has a perfect track record. Even their mis-steps are better than most band's entire careers.

  13. Oh no you didn't.

    If they'd stopped with "Cold Lake", sure. If they hadn't come back with something as crushingly awesome as "Monotheist", sure. But although Tom Warrior is incredibly pretentious, the man has followed his vision, even against his (and everyone else's) better judgment. Pick on Venom because they were inept. Pick on Danzig because he's a walking case of overcompensation. But leave Celtic Frost alone.

    Really, isn't Tom Warrior's male pattern baldness punishment enough?

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  15. I asked Tom on that tour about the ridiculously long sabbatical; he informed me that their drummer was the one really responsible for the reunion, and for getting their asses in gear enough to actually put a record out. I thanked the man even though I didn't and still don't know his name.

    I kinda like the vampyre band photo, although Priestly/StMark (sorry, I don't know which one he is) looks like he's thinking he shoulda worn a different shirt.

  16. the only glam faggettt in this thread is the blog maker... holy fucking false

  17. My shite band got to play with them on the Aussie tour of the Montheist record and I really thought that of all the 80's bands doing a comeback that Monotheist was the pick of the bunch as well.

    They were awesome live.

    Tom has regularly conceeded that Cold Lake sucked.

    The photo of the ginger MC Hammer at MDF a few years back is pricless, that guy is awesome and his woman is a playboy chick - So mock the purple pants, but at least his fingers stink of pussy and not your own jiz

  18. I'm gonna go ahead and second Corey's raddness. He has sent me super cd's, and consented to his insanely hot wife being naked on the Internet, offering her fapability to myself and every other hetero dude in the world.

  19. That guy in the Hammer Pants is a Pal! Hes not swiss, but he does fuck alot

  20. This post shows how sensitive black metal people can get... so emo...

  21. UBS seems like a good company to work for. my friend works for them in the US and from what i can tell, has been very happy there. i did some work for them about 5 years ago and had nothing but good experiences.

    i'll take an entry-level position in finance over being a washed-up metal legend any day.

  22. "I'll take an entry-level position in finance over being a washed-up metal legend any day."

    Not true! You have a BLOG about washed up metal legends! You don't fool us!

  23. Are you sure that glam picture is CF and not Pantera?

    When i saw Watain in Chicago last year, i turned around and low and behold Tom G Warrior was standing right behind me! he was wearing that AMAZING beanie hat and had a sweet looking blonde metal maiden on his arm. she was about 25 years younger than him.

    i heard that their tour got cancelled because of poor ticket sales and since he was in the USA he leached onto the Watain tour cuz he was friends with them. then the press came up with some retarded story about how the CF tour REALLY got cancelled for about 100 other reasons besides poor ticket sales.

  24. A blog that praises Wigger-Slam , but trashes Celtic Frost. Wow, bravo on creating a new low.

    This blog is two steps away from claiming metal has always been redneck jock rock.

  25. fun fact: when I got hold of my first-ever issue of Kerrang! at a danish newsstand way back in 82(?), Tom Warrior had a Contacts ad in It!, Or I assume it was him, because the Photo he put there was mostly hair with a nose sticking out im the middle. It went like this: "satanic slaughter seeks female victims. I´m playing lead axe in a Band called Hellhammer" ( mind you, this was way before apocalyptic raids )also, he claimed he lived in Switzerland ( kerrang! being an english paper, and hardly available anywhere else back then) and fit in a lunchbox. Not sure about the actual issue, but it had articles on Anvil and Raven. Yardbirds, also. going to listen to Monotheist now, anyway.

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