Tuesday, October 7, 2008

An enchanting and hella gothic Fall playlist

Here at the Metal Inquisition compound, it's beginning to get a bit chilly. The duck pond behind Building C should freeze over soon, which is our informal signal that winter is upon us. And as the seasons change, so do the contents of our iPods. Here is what I listen to in the fall:

Amy Lee is definitely not that hot, especially when she's on the chubbier side (see above- yikes!!), but would I? You bet. Even when her muffin top spills out the bottom of her corset. Also, they have many, awesome, hella gothic songs that fill me with angst. I love to walk around the food court at the mall listening to "My Immortal" and thinking about how I am completely alone in the world, spending every ounce of my energy to hold myself back from slashing my wrists and kissing this vicious world goodbye. Then I will go to Auntie Anne's for a pretzel and wash it down with a venti Frappucino. In any case, Evanescence are totally sweet and thank god they kicked out the dumb fat guy that used to sing with Amy.

Never Enough
Gothic mall rock is a great soundtrack for fall, and the perfect complement is hella gothic industrial mall metal. Never Enough is an awesome band with 2 people from 18 Visions doing their best to channel Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. If you liked the last 18V record then you will love this band. When I listen to Never Enough, I want to put on fingerless fishnet gloves, turn out all the lights, and embrace the darkness while I watch Nightmare Before Christmas and cut myself. Don't forget to watch this tour of the drummer's hella gothic apartment in hella gothic Irvine, CA!

Lacuna Coil
Holy shit, could Cristina Scabbia be any hotter? If I met her, I would say "Ciao bella," take her hand, and give it a single kiss as I looked deeply into her eyes. She would giggle, a little emabarrased by my forwardness, but she would also be enchanted by my traditional, European manner of courtship. Then we would have sex. Anyhow, Lacuna Coil are an excellent band but they suffer from the same thing as Evanescence. Namely, the lame, ugly douchebag that sings sometimes. They should consider smothering him with a pillow on the tour bus. Nobody will miss him, and it's one less mouth to feed on tour. Perhaps Gene Hoglan's Balls will continue the discussion of Lacuna Coil by posting some good Italian phrases for me to say to Cristina.

There is nothing like some good dark/black ambient on a cold fall morning. Abruptum are the masters of the genre, but they're a little too aggro for fall if you ask me. I enjoy listening to the melancholy, obscure strains of Moevot as the temperature drops and my soul becomes steeped in misery, depression, and self-hatred. At first I am afraid of what I feel, then I begin to welcome the cold touch of darkness! I become a creature of the night, and to show the world that I have emerged from my dark cocoon, I must transform myself into an elegant gothic aristocrat:

I am not sure exactly what elegant gothic aristocrats do when they're not shopping for top hats, but I am pretty certain that I can't listen to wigger slam or pornogrind anymore, so I took all the Gut and Soils of Fate songs off my iPod. I replaced them with songs from the Mana Khemia and Persona 3 soundtracks, added Dir En Grey to my Myspace friends, and started reading Shojo Beat. I think I am off to a good start!

That's all, folks
That concludes my Fall playlist. What are your favorite, hella gothic jams for the season??


  1. Not really Gothic, but you definitely forgot about Deathstars.
    Deathglam FTW!

  2. I am still sad and disappointed that Lemmy said publicly (!) that Evanescence is a good band. Arghghg!!!

  3. I skip all the lame imitators and go for the real thing: Sisters of Mercy - their greatest hits album A Slight Case of Overbombing, is essential - and maybe throw in some Front 242 and Bloody Kisses by Type O Negative (everything afterwards sick.)

    Major drawback: Cristina Scabbia is in neither of them.

  4. I listen to Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, Dead Can Dance, Cocteau Twins, a lot of wonderful music!

  5. i love fair-complexioned chubby chicks and amy is a goddess. i'd eat away betwixt those ample thighs til she showed me her ah-face.

    hilarious post-ironic tone of the post, btw!

    i break out some katatonia. not really gothicy, but pretty autumny. or on a similar note - foreshadowing. gothic as fuck. and croonier than that type of negative choad.

    "death is our freedom!"

  6. good call on Type O. i love their first few records. other bands i did not mention but should be included in the discussion:

    My Dying Bride
    Jesus And Mary Chain
    Aakon Keetreh
    Mortiis (duh!)

  7. I don't care for Gothic metal/rock but I have acquired a taste for funeral doom. And around here the weather is turning to thoughts of cold bleak winter months...

    Shape of Despair
    Evoken (can be called death-doom but that's splitting hairs)
    Comatose Vigil
    Abstract Spirit

  8. Cameo, Whodini, The Bar-Kays, The Gap Band, Kool & The Gang, Midnight Star, etc., etc.

  9. yes, Candlemass! there is no better doom band fronted by a hefty lady. it is a lady right?

    does the fact that evanesence rocks out for the Lord matter at all? does it take away from their goth/sad/wah-wah-i'm-sad street cred?

  10. i forgot that Evanscence were christian. it doesn't bother me, it just means Amy will be a little uptight but a freak once you get her hot and bothered.

    also, maybe she is one of those christian type who is saving herself for marriage, and thinks anal "doesn't count." one can only hope so.

  11. Some decent Gothic rock:
    Sisters of mercy,as some helm and slobogan burgher said, but not all. They have some awful stuff in their catalog. I would check all the material previous to 1986, so I'd check the first album "First and Last and Always", and "Not Time To Cry" single (1985), "Body and soul" (1984), and "Alice" (1983). Also, Fields of The Nephilim are great, and they are still recording good albums. Another band that is very good but not well-known is a German band called: Giants Causeway. They have 3 albums from the 90s and they are like Sisters of Mercy should have been (a bit heavier) instead of turning into a more rock-ish band. Ah, and Lacuna Coil, they are annoying, specially the way they look, but the only demo that they have is pretty good, though I would call it doom metal rather than Gothic metal (what, of course, is way better than shitty Gothic metal).
    PS: Nobody mentioned Paradise Lost, Anathema, Mourning Beloveth, Scald, ...but of course, why do this when Sergeant D. already put together all the best of depressive music to listen to in the mall?

  12. Lacuna Coil should definitely fire that douche who sings along Cristina, and hire some actual songwriter 'coz they seriously lack in that department.

    Amy Lee is hot by my standards, too, though I'd like more boobies. There's silicone, after all...

  13. Of course we didn't mention proper doom metal or romantic doom/death stuff because that's a faux pas in a comment thread about Evanescence! Shame on you brendon, also :P

    I totally agree latter Sisters of Mercy aren't up to snuff. I didn't mention Fields of the Nephilim whom I love because as far as I can tell they are very much the Heavy Metal band. They might sound vaguely like the Sisters, but their thematic and aesthetic and the voice of satan and everything... totally metal. I know this would piss off a lot of goth idiots, but then... they should listen to Zoon!

    I think this Amy Lee woman could be cute in real life, but I don't know about that trashy fashion sense, it can destroy the prettiest face.

  14. swans

    yeah i went to art school

  15. the fisrt Christian Death LP is really rad and also Warsaw...the band that was pre- Joy Division. that shit rules.

  16. looks like she's wearing a dress made from a flannel blanket in the first picture? (not a Slanket though).

    and sergeant_d, you said something about people saving themselves for marriage reminded me of this awesome propaganda video: http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=bdf400df34e41b93636a

    mmm, half-eaten sandwich!

  17. Totally not goth, but for my money the perfect autumn album is Mercyful Fate "Melissa".

  18. Fields of the Nephlim. Haven't heard of them in quite a while. Yeah I liked Sisters of Mercy sorta, moreso Joy Division though I guess. Would Lords of the New Church (ex-Dead Boys Stiv Bator) count as pre-goth?

    My fall/Halloween listening seems to be Fantomas' (King Buzzo, Dave Lombardo) Director's Cut CD. So many good horror flick tunes on that masterpiece its ungodly.

  19. Amy's hot...I like chubby chicks!

  20. Candlemass??! They were poineers of doom metal...

  21. Somebody fuckin' shoot me. Goth? Come on...

  22. Dir En Grey are Japanese. Enough said.

  23. these blogs have been less funny lately.

  24. amy lee is FUCKING HOT!! i dont care about her music or any a that,but shes beautiful and has a nice body,shes not fat she just has some meat on her bones...fucking totally gorgeous girl

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