In honor of the Tour De France (which started Saturday), Metal Inquisition is proud to bring you a fantastic line-up of products that are sure to both dazzle boggle the mind. What could metal and cycling have in common you ask? That's a perfectly good question actually, but the go-getters at the apparel company Primal Wear are not bothered by such trivial questions, and thank god for that.
I always thought that the hands on the Master Of Puppets cover (I guess those are the hands of "the master") were really awkwardly drawn. They look like a pack of hot dogs, with one cruved kielbasa on each side as a thumb. When they are put on a cycling jersey so close the the person's neck, they look even worse. It looks like someone is giving the person wearing it a massage. Or maybe the hands are trying to strangle the person for being such a douche and actually wearing this shirt.
Nothing says "winner" like Kiss spandex shorts. Let the world know you're a huge idiot, and that you're helping Gene pay for another addition to his 18,000 square foot home. Seriously, is there anything that Kiss wouldn't license? They already have coffins for god's sake. Dimebag Darrell was buried in one, by the way.
If Lance Armstrong had worn this jersey, I think he could have won 8 Tours instead of 7. Note to Eddie: use less hair gel.
I hope to god that those aren't rhinestones on the sleeve. It's like someone got drunk and went nuts with a Bedazzler.
And justice for all? No. There's no justice for the people that will have to look at the 38 year old fat load who's gonna wear this stupid shirt while ridding his cruiser bike on a suburban bike path. I remember being so mad at Metallica for screwing up their logo for this album. Little did I know back then just how much more stuff I'd have to be pissed at them for in years to come.
"RIDE the lightning", RIDE...get it? When you wear this shirt, you can ride as fast as lighting. Oddly enough, people who see you wear this shirt, will hope you get hit by lightning, and die a slow painful death...kinda like Metallica has.
Genius!
ReplyDeletethis post also needed the "stupid" and "retarded" tags.
ReplyDeleteworry not, i've updated the tags per your request.
ReplyDeletegross
ReplyDeleteSpandex and Kiss just scream herpes to me.
ReplyDeleteGREAT! Just bought myself an Iron Maiden "Killers" cycling dress. Cheers!
ReplyDelete"LAURENT FIGNON" tag = obscure, but awesome. i've hated that asshole for over 20 years!
ReplyDeleteaside from the fact that he's a fucking professional bicyclist, what makes him an asshole? haha
ReplyDeletehis hair!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA, okay i just looked up some pictures of the guy. i hope my forehead gets that big one day. he's almost got cronos beat.
ReplyDeleteYou thought Metallica's AJFA logo was bad. Did you see the tour for that? A giant Lady Liberty foam 'statue' that dissassemble piece by piece with each song?
ReplyDeleteI didn't think then it could get any worse.
Add a new tag "drugs" referring to Lance "Drughéé" Armostrong, please.
ReplyDeleteyoure losing it..you were creative,now youre just resorting to bagging on obvious shit.
ReplyDeleteif you dont like ride the lightning or master of puppets,but think shitty boring crap like meliah rage is good,youre kind of a goof
Please tell me these are photoshopped joke products. Please?
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning pearl hunting was the only means known for harvesting pearls. A little before the start of the 20th century divers manually pulled oysters from ocean floors and river bottoms and checked each one of them individually for pearls.
ReplyDelete