Are you shitting me? I could (and maybe should) do a whole post on this cover. Did you notice the 'KANE' letters are on fire? They are on fire, man! And the helicopter is obviously looking for him 'cuz everyone knows it's illegal to attach bottle caps to your leather pants.Well, Kane Roberts is the infamous Alice Cooper axe-man better known as "The douche with the machine-gun guitar who tries to look like Rambo." What most may not know is that Kane (real name Robert William) is a multi-talented Renaissance Man. This fucker is also an artist AND a video game designer! I hate "video game designers." There's something about that title that enrages me. I'm not sure what it is... maybe the fact that 80% of the people who claim to be "video game designers" are just fat losers waiting to die from a diabetic seizure induced by an over consumption of Jolt Cola, who think they are better than everyone in their on-line community 'cuz they can write 3 lines of code in their 'puter in their parents basement and read an on-line tutorial on texture mapping. (I know that was a run-on sentence, but it's OK 'cuz it's a pretty bad-ass diatribe). OK, back to Kane: His "art" is illustrated below. It's SO FUCKING TERRIBLE, I don't know where to start, so I'll make no comment and let the images "speak for themselves." Try not to choke on your saliva when LOLing.
Here's a few other images I came across during the research phase of the post:
Alice: "I hate you, Mom.. I'll kill you!" - Kane: "Me have big biceps."
The lamest/awesomest guitar store in the world. Is that a guitar in the shape of a priest in the back?
Teens in Sweden LOVE a buff dude with feather earrings and Sigourney Weaver doo. Seriously, do you know how much fresh poon I got in Uppsala last time I was there
i like that all these guitar ace's are not limiting themselves to one single artform during their retirement years. this guy is doing the computer art, and the dude from NItro is writing erotic novels. good for them.
ReplyDeleteI once dumpstered a whole box of Kane Roberts promo cassettes. The songs were just edits that were interrupted by Mr. Roberts saying things like "Check it out, OR I'LL PUNCH YOU OUT!!!" I couldn't make that shit up.
ReplyDeleteI actually just saw Kane on Wilshire and 5th street in Santa Monica, CA about 3 weeks ago. I was cracking up! He wasn't as big but he could still kick my ass.
ReplyDeletedid he use the sight on the machinegun to check out the ladiez in the audience?
ReplyDeletewould there have been ladiez in the audience?
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean it's time for me to take out my feather earring? It would be so awesome to see Kane and Danzig in a battle, midget wrestling is on my list of favorite things...
ReplyDeletehmmm... Danzig vs. Kane? I smell a great post for next friday!
ReplyDelete"Budget Metal." Amazing.
ReplyDeleteImplants.
ReplyDeleteThere is a person I know who can't sing, play guitar and draw comics and covers at all, who keeps on singing, playing guitar, and drawing covers for all his odd projects...
ReplyDeleteProof never to cite Wikipedia:
ReplyDelete"While he is primarily a guitar player, Roberts is also a vocalist, with incredible range,[citation needed] as is evident on his solo projects."
I wonder if Kane Roberts wrote that.
Kane is also an appreciated sommelier and a formidable fisherman. Plus, like the guys from Hellwitch he's able to drive a tank, and He can do appendix surgery by a cutter if needed.
ReplyDeleteLike Kane, I too wear leather gloves while playing my guntar.
ReplyDeleteWasn't Kip Winger in Alice Coopers band at the same time? I bet that was a fun tour.
I read on snopes that the drummer on that tour was crushed to death by the concentrated douche waves coming from Kane and Kip being on the tour bus together.
"I read on snopes that the drummer on that tour was crushed to death by the concentrated douche waves coming from Kane and Kip"
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA! 5 star comment!
I totally had that Okej mag. Subscribed to it even (when I was like 5). Always carried tons of KISS posters....
ReplyDeleteDude, you're totally the douche you described him to be. Your diatribes are definitely not bad-ass. Half of your opinions are extremely weak. The other half, mildly weak (giving you some credit there).
ReplyDeleteFuck You, to whoever made this article. Quit judging people without even knowing them. His success is probably WAY more than you can say for yourself.
ReplyDelete