Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Retroview: Dio - Holy Diver


Let me state my case plainly: if you do not like this album, you are a piece of shit. If you think this album is a joke, you're a retard and you don't know shit about metal. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that if you do not like this album you have no business listening to metal. It's as simple as that.

First of all, look at the cover! How much more metal can you get than some demon drowning a chained up priest from a mountaintop under an ominous sundown!? So fucking awesome.



The album kicks off with the balls out rocker "Stand Up and Shout." Vivian Campbell (of Def Leppard fame) lays down some killer riffs while Ronnie wails nonsensical shit like "You are the driver/ You own the road/You are the fire go on explode!" "Holy Diver" is a stone cold, undeniable classic. That epic, chugging, mid-paced riff is unforgettable. Again, I have no idea what the fuck any of it means, lines like "Ride the tiger/You can see his stripes but you know he's clean," make no sense, but who cares? From there Ronnie goes on to sing about riding gypsies, not talking to strangers, and being invisible. "Straight Through the Heart" is another favorite. It's four and a half minutes of pure fist-pumping, head-banging intensity. A song about a rainbow (even if it's in the dark) with a keyboard-driven melody doesn't sound very metal, but "Rainbow in the Dark" is an umistakable classic and perhaps Dio's finest moment. The album comes to a fitting close with the creepy-crawling power ballad "Shame On the Night" and in just over forty minutes you've experienced one of the greatest metal albums ever made.





And of course let us not forget the excellent videos that accompanied the album, the most memorable of which is for the title track, "Holy Diver." It features a fur-clad Ronnie James roaming a desolate land as the most improbable and least intimidating of warriors. He turns two vagabonds into rats with his sword and then visits a blacksmith where he receives a new sword and then proceeds to prance around a castle swinging his new sword around betraying the fact that he has no idea how to actually use it. I'm not sure which makes less sense, the video or the lyrics, but I love them both dearly.





The second video is of course for "Rainbow in the Dark." In this classic video we find our favorite heavy metal elf singing on the roof of some building in a leather vest with no shirt on while some creepy schlub in a suit lusts after some chubby girl he sees on the street. Vivian Campbell then rescues the girl from the clutches of the creepy schlub by playing a guitar solo in his face and Ronnie continues strutting and singing on the roof. Keep your eyes peeled for his pointy, fur-lined white boots. Mama mia!


12 comments:

  1. only through the magic of cinema can a tiny italian man seem halfway meanacing. still, his lack of sword fighting skills are evident. my god, the audio/video sync in these videos is insanely bad, as are his teeth. lastly, the video for rainbow in the dark is basically an homage of sorts to sexual predators and potential rapists. jesus, did dio think this through?

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  2. What's even more scary is RJD was 41 years old in 1983, when Holy Diver was released. I can understand hackneyed black metal vids by delusional 20 year olds, but Ronnie was a grown man with over a decade of professional experience when he made these gems.

    Holy Diver rocks.

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  3. I heart Ronnie. That man can do no wrong. I wish he was my dad.

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  4. Rainbow in the dark is so awesome and I think the video is based on the movie "Frenzy".Dio is just a video dynamo "Mystery" is incredible too(gay magicians,werewolves,unicorn girls) the best is "Last in Line" with the visions of hell as people chained to atari games and punky brewster's brother taking an elevator down to the pits of hell.

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  5. Holy Diver will forever be in my top 5 metal albums of all time. Don't Talk To Strangers is one of the greatest songs ever written!

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  6. Haha, this was a killer post. I love your ironic style. No one can for real like Dio.

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  7. par is a fucking poser. unless he was making a joke.

    also dio sabbath > ozzy sabbath

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  8. "Holy Diver" and "Rainbow in the Dark" are both impeccable songs.

    That he was 41 in '83 is fucking scary. Insane.

    You should totally post about that old beer commercial Dio sang on. I used to have an mp3 of it somewhere but I can't find the damn thing now, even through Google. Fuck... that shit was so classic.

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  9. I believe that he is wearing periwinkle boots, to be exact. I know because I have been pointing it out to people for about 4 years. Only Dio can rock those boots. ONLY Dio. If anyone else tries they look like a fucking douchebag and should be sentanced to death by hanging. That is all =)

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  10. "Stand up and Shout" is one of the best opening tacks of all time! The rest is pure gold as well.

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  11. I just picked up the self titled Elf album so I had to check out this post again. Have any of you seen the video for "Love Is All" from that kids album Dio sang on back in he early 70's? The song sounds like Queen re-writing "All You Need Is Love" but making it 10,000 times better. The video is...insane.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oADfmYQWmW8

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