If there was a god, everybody in this photo would be deadPerhaps the worst of that two hours of bullshit was the "Friend At Large" segment, featuring RIP editor Lonn Friend's inane record reviews. For example, the one I remember as particularly aggravating was the segment from 1992 or so where he talked about Entombed and Helmet, and described Helmet as "Seattle death metal." Lucho Metales has this on VHS, maybe he will post it for us.
These days Lonn is still trying to impress people with pictures of himself and washed up rockers from the 80s and 90s, as you can see from some of the images here. Essentially he is like an annoying teenage groupie, only he doesn't have a vagina so he is even less welcome backstage.
Which is worse, Axl's Oakleys, or Lonn forcing his way into this picture? I leave it to you, the reader, to decide.Most people grow out of this stage by their early 20s when they realize that people in bands are morons, but not Lonn. He's still totally stoked on hanging out with dumb guys that play guitar. In fact, he's written a book that documents it all, dropping every single name in his arsenal. His description of the book is incredibly grating, like nails on a chalkboard while your mom nags you and a baby screams in your ear from six inches away:
The stories, lessons-- I hope the book resonates with the fans because without fans, there is no rock n'roll. My journey started at Grant High, San Fernando Valley, early 70s. First musician I ever called 'friend' was Steve Lukather. Our school band became Toto. Thirty years later, Luke and I are still pals. You dig the 444? Sign of the angels? Yeah. Me and Luke on the streets of Chicago, November 06. Horns and Halos, all the way up, eh? Click the cover to order from Amazon.Visit Lonn on MySpace
Damn, this means that I will now have to pull that clip of Lonn friend talking about how Helmet are a death metal band from Seattle. I'll get to it, I swear.
ReplyDeleteIn Toronto our version of Lonn Friend was a rambling lunatic named Drew Masters who put out a magazine called M.E.A.T. (Metal Events Around Toronto). The magazine was an excuse fill his editorials with accounts of his hanging out with his good buddy "Baz" and photos of him backstage with as many "rock stars" as possible. He was a putz, but nowhere near as obnoxious as Friend. I don't think anybody could be...
ReplyDeleteI think I actually read the book because I was able to get it for super cheap and was mildly curious (nostalgia). Unsurprisingly, I can't really remember much about it at all.
ReplyDeletein the same segmet that he calls helmet 'death metal', he also calls godflesh de "kiss" of death metal. lucho, i think the segment is on one the old beta tapes.
ReplyDeleteHaha, check out his obviously self-authored wikipedia entry.
ReplyDeleteLonn Friend
That guy in the coat is Steve Lukather from the band Toto.
ReplyDeleteoh man. Lonn friend was the worst. I will man up, though, and admit that as a 14 year old kid, i wanted his job at RIP so bad.
ReplyDeleteOf course, then i decided music writing was for the birds (after getting a degree in journalism).
that flabby dude on the 444 photo is dyeing his hair.
ReplyDelete"Lonn has recently published an almost unreadable turd of a book titled Life on Planet Rock."
ReplyDeleteTaken from his Wikipedia. Priceless.
The fat fuck is Steve Lukather from Toto...or Bobby Kimball from Toto.
ReplyDeleteIf you watch the Rosanna video,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq4ychrRkQA , Bobby's,
or is it Steve's? (this is reminding me of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern) mustache looks like two conjoined turd lumps hanging by a thread.
-Joe
This was a funny read, seeing as the essay was nothing more than a bitter person who obviously isn't as well known as Lonn. There is not one fact to back up the statements, just a bunch of whining. I have spoken to Lonn. He took the time out to call me, a nobody, while in the hospital to see how I was doing. If that makes him a wretched human being then so be it.
ReplyDeleteI think you're a self-deprived human being that has nothing better to do than to bitch about other people. GET A FUCKING LIFE AND WAKE THE FUCK UP
ReplyDeleteI know Lonn Friend and he's more of a human being than you could ever HOPE to be. He's full of life, spirit, and intelligence.
ReplyDeleteHe's one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever met. His writing talent has afforded him a V.I.P pass through life and his personality has afforded him my undying loyalty.
Why don't you go get a life and leave innocent people alone?!
whatever be the (blessed) identity of the anonymous person, he has my support. in this ever changing flux of human experience called rock'n'roll, lonn friend had the guts and the glory to not only make it astronomical, but also document his evanescent rise to the giddying heights of acoustic immortality in one of the more humane chronicles of a genre termed a freakchild by purists and often, fans alike.
ReplyDeleteso, it might as well be prudent for you to cease an obvious attempt to discredit and malign one of the the true chroniclers of popular music as the world ought to have seen.
ReplyDeleteLF=SHIT
ReplyDeletei agree fuck lonn friend he is more like a fiend i hope he retires and shuts up about the end of the world the fuckin apocalypse or whatever his warped mind thinks of next if he feels that strongly about it he can just delete facebook and disappear offline
ReplyDeleteWait. This guy RAN a magazine, toured around the world with the biggest names in rock, and got a book published (and has another one coming), and THIS is who you're bagging on?
ReplyDeleteRun a (well-respected & big selling, at the time) magazine, write a book, and have your cell full of legendary rock & roll friends, and then talk sh*t.
Oh. I get it. Looking at your sad blogger site, it seems that's what you do. You sh*t on people. Well, keep sh*ttin', little buddy - see where that gets you...
Oh, and nice work not getting any money for putting up the Hatebreed ad. You're now the guy that labels will come to when they need a moron to post ads at no cost to them.
Keep up the good work, Champ!
I don't care what kind of music you like or what gets you off; every person who reads this knows that to call someone "wretched" based on nothing is itself a completely wretched and vile act. The fact that just about everyone who knows Lonn knows he is actually the complete opposite of this makes it worse. But what I really don't understand is why everybody else is piling on. Is that what counts for fun these days? Get your aggression out through the music, as was intended! And appreciate the fact that when you decide to find out more about what was really going on back then, you can draw from a body of work that was compiled by a caring curator who WAS THERE, and whose 1000s of FB friends continue to enjoy his wit und wisdom today.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your mom should have swallowed that load instead of having you. Who was the dumbass that tripped and fell into that crack, nine months before you were conceived? Yeah, I don't think any of you know Lonn Friend personally, but then again, looking at this sad read of a blog, nothing you will do or ever achieve will come close to what Lonn has accomplished. He is well respected among the rock/metal elite....has written books and articles and done TV shows. STFU & GTFO, poser.
ReplyDeleteI am offended that you would impeach a person's character without having ever MET HIM!
ReplyDeleteAs one of Lonn's pals, I will GUARANTEE that what your claims are are PURE BULLSHIT.
My dad used to say that there is nothing uglier than a jealous man!
He also used to say that it was much better to just sit there and look like an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
I would say that both of these apply here!
Wow, you sound bitter. Clearly you do not know Lonn. Lonn is the kind of friend that you can count on for a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteYou're a loser for wasting your time with negative comments about others...
ReplyDeleteWow.. the writer D obviously doesn't get laid enough or has serious mental issues to be so jealous of Lonn. I've known Lonn for damn near ten years now and I can say he is one of the most genuine human beings that walk our planet, and the FACT that he knows as many people as he does is BECAUSE he is that amazing person. They know him and love him.
ReplyDeleteThe idiot writer of such a nasty blog deserves nothing but pity. How sad you must be with your nothing life... Get over Lonn Friend. Get your facts straight.
Find another thing in the world to freak out over. Perhaps you'd like to rip a new one on someone like Lady Gaga or Justin whatever the hell his name is.
Or you can just shut the hell up.
Adios Loser.
Well Dang! I just stumbled upon this...happen to know Jessicat AND Lonn personally. Both incredible people. Definitely the first time I have ever seen a bad thing said about Lonn but I guess with out bad opinions the good ones would taste so sweet huh! Lonn....rock on my friend! You are a friend of mine!
ReplyDeleteWinter Havick
I used to respect Lonn ,or should I say I admired him & was a little jealous that he had such a cool job but that could be said for any writers of that time period. Now with facebook & being able to be friends with some of these rock stars via their statusus & band updates & such,im glad I didnt go into that line of work because no matter how cool alot of them may initially seem,they are mostly all gigantic ego maniacal fuckheads who manage to lose my respect & support a little more everytime I get to find something else out about them that I wish I hadn't. Mr.Friend is a friend on fb ,as well & to be honest most of his posts are mildly entertaining. I use to even chime in on the threads but after awhile I noticed he'd only address those who have that same,"i'm a professional writer & smarter than everybody else" mentality that you can actually feel the sickening vibe of it coming through your monitor & so I quit responding to anything he writes but I do still read his posts & out of 10,1 will be good enough to validate why I still read his stuff at all & haven't put him in the "don't show in newsfeed" category like many others on fb. So, he's a has been editor for a cool metal magazine from the 90's who thinks a little to highly of himself & somehow his dreams of being as famous as some of his biggest exclusive features' didn't exactly play out that way,doesn't mean I want to attack the guy ,be mean & call him a wretched human being for all to see ,which is just a hateful,shitty thing to do when in all reality the guy actually seems pretty cool for the most part.
ReplyDeleteYou are a jealous scumbag who only wishes he did what Lonn did and can call up legends of the music business and hang out when he wants. Get your captions right: the photo in which you diss Axl for his sunglasses was obviously a photo in which everyone traded their sunglasses. Axl is actually wearing Kerry King of Slayer's on the right, who is wearing Axl's and Lonn is wearing Slashes. Get a life instead of wasting your time ripping on others
ReplyDeleteNot sure what to make of all these post about Lonn, but anyone walking the streets of Long Beach at midnight, wearing a KISS hat can't be all that happening.
ReplyDeleteYea Lonn is pretty creepy he used to back in the 80's and 90's make rock stars pose with him while he was naked or his shirt off alice cooper posed with him while he was naked in a tub. read Nirvana's book and kurt goes off on the creep about the shit he wanted Nirvana to do while Lonn was naked. Lonn has some major sexuality issues.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGV6Sw0zm_A (Calling this predatory piece of shit ""Wretched was a kindness...)
ReplyDeleteI heard he likes to pinch musician butts and everyone on the cover had to spread cheeks to get there.
ReplyDelete