Anthrax Among The Living cassette, circa 1989. All writing done by my brother, except for the band logo and album name at the bottom left, which I did. Notice the droopy, downward pointing letters in the name of the album up top. A foreshadowing of where the band's career was headed, and how quickly Scott Ian would become so sad that we'd all feel bad when laughing at him. This was cassette #29 in our collection.
#13 in the collection, this tape probably dates to early 1990 or so. At some point we re-numbered the collection, which explains its lower number. Also, Side B was dubbed much later.
On side A, we have Colombian masters Kraken (see video below). Side B features Voivod's Nothingface. Next to the band's name, the name "Aaron" denotes who this was dubbed from. Aaron was a friend from the Dominican Republic. Aaron appeared to be in denial of the fact that he was black, and often made racist comments that left us all bewildered. He loved Glenn Danzig and once proudly (and very loudly) announced the following to my brother in the middle of class: "My mom said I could relax my hair and grow out my sideburns!"
We are proud to present an interview with the notorious Billy Milano, singer for the legendary MOD! That said, it's a shitty interview. I guess I shouldn't be even a a little bit surprised, but his answers were uninspired, terse, and boring. I'm still kind of let down in spite of having low expectations, he really phoned this one in. I did my best to spice it up with some of my own comments, but you can only polish a turd so much. The harder you try, the more you get shit all over yourself, and it's still a turd.
Immediately after this picture was taken, Billy the Hut put this poor AIDS victim out of his misery by eating him
What are the lyrics to the Crab Society North Song "You Nigger"? Your link didn’t work so I don’t know if it’s really a song. I don’t think it is but it it were a song it was probably very short and had a dark tone to it. Yuck-Yuck. [We just pasted the link into an email; apparently he only knows how to click URLs, not copy and paste it into the address bar. I know he's on the wrong side of 40 so technology isn't really his friend, but this was the first sign of trouble. Also, he has an AOL email address- do you think he spends a lot of time seeing what's in keyword megaforce?]
With looks like this, one can only imagine the high-caliber pussy that he is surely drowning in
In your Hard N' Heavy interview, you talk about "life on the road", and banging the caliber of girl that would have also banged Poison back then. Did you feel it was necessary to lie and make up these stories because a camera was on you? You know my initials are the same as Brett Michael's. I find it ironic that you mention Poison besides I have no respect for anyone who fucks me and wants to brag about it. [His initials are BM. I am not sure if our readers abroad know this, but in the US that means "bowel movement," or "shit."]
Here is a curious collage of Billy Milano images that I found in an equally curious article about him on a bear blog (I'm not talking about the kind of bears they have at the zoo)
You were in SOD and then MOD. Do you ever talk to Dave Mustaine about how he should have named Megadeth "Netallica" instead? What do you think of "Slayer 2"? Never cared to ask Dave about that shit, Slayer 2? I actually think there was a band called slayer from Texas or somewhere and Slayer in LA was a band at that time. That is something you need to check on. [I seriously think he missed the point of this question. I know he is not going to be in MENSA anytime soon but honestly... it's kind of sad to see a human being who is this dense!]
In the MOD video for "true colors" you wear many hilarious outfits, in order to mock the look of other styles of music (glam etc), yet we couldn't help but notice that in the portions where you are dressed as yourself, you are still wearing spandex cycling shorts. Can you tell us more about the decision to wear those? Ha ha - BUSTED!!! No, seriously I always wore them for comfort and nothing more. I will say this I bike 20 miles a day in Austin Texas and don’t wear them so I find this also Ironic.
In this horribly dull video, Billy tries his hand at improvised, observational humor... and fails miserably. Don't come crying to me when you realize you pissed away several seconds of your life that you'll never get back on this before frantically mashing the "stop" button.
An argument has been made by some that the cost of medical care for illegal immigrants is not as costly to the US economy as caring for the medical needs of the overweight Americans. Do you care to comment? Yes this is true, I have read that argument and it has valid points but let me embellish. No illegal immigrant should be given FREE health care or GOVERNMENT sponsored health care when American citizens who do NOT have health care can and are denied. [I think he also missed the point of this question. Hint: we were calling you fat, Billy the Hut]
A girl is sitting next to me as I write this. When she saw this image over my shoulder she said, "Who is this guy? Why is this image online?! What is he doing??" All I could say was, "Uh... he's the singer in this crappy band called MOD, I have no idea what is happening in this picture but it's funny."
Aside from SOD, what other musical influences do you have? And you can't answer "Anthrax" or "Scott Ian" to this question. Hardcore Punk. [I can only assume he is talking about Fat Nuts, 25 Ta Life, and Fury of V]
You made a song entitled "Wigga" in which you mock suburban white kids who dress like poor black people. Can you tell us more about this phenomenon? What do you make of wigger slam metal? This question is about as relevant as the interviews some journalist gave me for the Decibel interview. NEXT! [Translation: I can't think of anything entertaining to say]
"Wait where am I again?"
When most people see Danny Lilker, they think he looks like he has Down's syndrome due to his retarded face and tiny baby teeth. What was your reaction when you first laid eyes on him? He looked like a stoned mop. [Now THIS is funny!! Come on Billy the Hut, you can do better than 1 for 13!]
For the past 20 years you have relied heavily on Jewish musicians to make a semi-decent living, yet you are an anti-Semite. How do you reconcile these two facts? I converted to being a Jew in the 80’s. I like bagels and have an accountant name Murray, Oi vey such a thing. My Jewish friends only know me by my Jewish identity. “ Sol mehaya Lowenhidlebaum” His name is my name too. Or wait that’s “John Jacob Jinggleheimer Schmit”.
This is 1 million times worse than BrokeNCYDE and Crazy Town put together and wrapped in swastikas
When you were making the video for "Wigga," and you realized that you had become the thrash metal version of Weird Al or The Offspring, what went through your head? Thank you, what I was thinking was Most metal bands sing this evil shit and their the biggest pussies walking. I am far from a pussy and just wanted my song and record to be fun. Music used to be fun. Everyone is so fucking serious they need to get laid or at least take a shower they will feel better. [This is certainly true. Maybe he would like screamo crunk??]
Please read our review of "USA For MOD" and share your thoughts on it. In particular, can you comment on this part?
"Man of Your Dreams" – 3:40I had to look this one up, because even though it's one of the longest songs on the album, I didn't remember it at all. Then I remembered it was a song about Freddy Krueger. How original!! I imagine Scott Ian feeling like the older brother does when the younger brother copies everything he does
First off your links don’t work. That would be kinda of what Dimebag was feeling about Scott, Right? Baaazing!!!
Like if you get a skateboard, and your little bro makes his own out of an ironing board and rollerskate wheels and follows you around all over the place. Not only does he get it all wrong, it's embarrassing for everybody involved, but you don't tell him to stop because you know how bad it would hurt his feelings. But you know Scott must have been like, "Dude... you gotta find your own voice... we already did the Freddy thing. At least write about Jason."
I was SOD. I am an original- they (ANTHRAX) Stole SOD’s voice. [wat]
When we were writing these questions, we took bets on whether you would have a good sense of humor about it or be a butthurt pussy. I bet $5 that you would try to come up with witty answers to the questions in an attempt to show us up, maybe even putting in a few playful jabs of your own every now and then to avoid looking like a complete pushover. Who is right? How can I possibly know whose right? I don’t know what the other person you made the bet with said. [I'll admit, this was a tough question that didn't give him a lot of room to move, but even then, what a shitty answer]
That's all we have. Would you like to add anything? Thanks!! Oh, and what is "Bushwackatees" about? Your mom’s hairy cunt! Peace Nigga. [I feel vicariously embarrassed for Billy the Hut when he tries to be shocking like this because it's not even slightly offensive, it's just tiresome and dull]
Good god, just look at Tom. Mary mother of jesus and baby jesus...this guy is old. I applaud him for embracing his old age by growing a crazy Jesus beard....but for god's sake, could he please embrace his old age on his own time, and in the privacy of his own home? Look, I know we're all headed in that direction (fat and old) but to rub it in our faces is a bit rough. Remember when members of Slayer looked like this:
and not like this:
It's this kind of pushing that will give you severe hemorrhoids. Ten dollars go out to anyone who can find his neck.
Is anyone else reminded of a bundle of white sage when they look at Kerry King's stupid beard thing? White sage is this crap that hippies burn at yoga studios. I'm glad that Kerry is getting in touch with his spiritual side via eastern philosophy. By the way, white sage looks like this:
But back to that old picture of Mr. King. Minus the belly shirt, that picture would lead you to believe that he was actually an alright guy back then (even if he was playing with Megadeth at the time). The second picture, I must admit, makes me want to sharpen my machete and start swinging. Now, I know what your saying "hey dude...how can you say that the first picture of Kerry is cool, belly shirts aren't cool!" Well, you are partially right. I mean, belly shirts are NOT cool, but they ARE metal. How can I prove it? By showing you a second picture of an important metal figure (at least to some) rocking a fantastic belly shirt. Enjoy.
Oooh lah lah...so sexy, all that's missing is a nice belly chain
Sheesh, for all the complaining that black metal dorks did back in the day about Anthrax ruining metal with their "shorts and skateboards", these guys surely dressed like they were ready for a day at the beach. What's that I see in the background...Pungent Stench? Godflesh...wow, nothing but the most obscure black metal for this beach bum. Surf's up! Also, look at his awful facial hair. He said he was super evil, but he was clearly influenced by Mexico's comedic actor Cantinflas. Cantinflas was pretty much the opposite of evil. Judge for yourself.
One last Slayer note. I'm sorry to post this again, but it never ever gets old. At least not to me.
Still want more? Okay. How about a depressing video of Slayer covering "Born To Be Wild". The song is terrible, but the video is of some interest because it's about the only time that Tom's bass has ever been heard. Listen to his pointless clanging about :25 into the video.
I don't go to many shows anymore. It's not that I don't enjoy seeing live bands, it's just that my priorities have changed as I've aged. Whereas back in my college years I would happily pile into a car with friends and attend just about any show happening within fifty miles, nowadays I'd rather spend my Friday nights sitting in front of the television watching Battlestar Galactica DVDs with a mug of Stash Moroccan Mint Green Tea in my hand. Not exactly the most exciting way to spend a Friday night, I know, but for me it's entirely satisfying. Last Thursday, however, I was motivated to leave the comforts of my home to do something I never thought I'd be able to do--see Cynic live.
I'm a HUGE Cynic fan, ask any of the Metal Inquisition Staffers. I've been listening to Focus and the '91 demo religiously for years. I'm not ashamed to say that when I heard that Cynic was re-forming I shrieked with joy like a teenage girl that's just been offered a deflowering by Robert Pattison. I was a little apprehensive when I heard that they were recording a new album and more than ready to throw myself on a sword if said album sucked and ended up ruining their legacy. Shockingly enough, Traced in Air turned out to be quite possibly the greatest reunion album in the history of music. Against all the odds, Paul Masvidal, Sean Reinert, and Sean Malone (What the fuck does Jason Gobel have going on that he's too good to re-join the band?) managed to make an album that sounds exactly like what I imagine Cynic would sound like in 2009 if they had never broken up. They've dialed down the death metal and turned up the prog and fusion influences, but it still sounds like Cynic. There's still sweet riffs, soaring guitar solos, amazing drumming, and vocoder. So when I heard that they'd be playing Irving Plaza, which is a mere twenty minute train ride from my apartment, I immediately purchased a ticket.
I managed to time my departure perfectly as I arrived just as Cynic was preparing to play so I didn't have to sit through the shitty opening band, The Faceless, who I've never seen nor heard, but I'm sure sucks. I quickly ascended to the balcony and staked out a spot along the railing to the left of the stage. The place was PACKED. The show was completely sold out. As I looked around I couldn't help but notice the motley crowd. Lots of virgins, some legit bangers, meatheads, Hot Topic shoppers, and quite a few norms. The dude standing behind me was wearing a leather motorcycle jacket with a denim vest over it proudly displaying a Metallica patch on his front breast pocket and he kept making fun of Cynic. Motherfucker. Anyway, from the second Cynic hit the stage they killed it. They looked and sounded great. They played behind a huge banner with the band logo and these standees with the Traced in Air cover art. It was totally surreal. I lost my shit when they started playing "Veil of Maya." Watching Sean Reinert play is any drum nerd's wet dream and Paul Masvidal wailed his ass off. The scab bass player was kinda hard to watch and the scab guitarist was relegated to playing in the shadows. They played a bunch of new songs, which all sounded awesome, and Paul gave a little speech about how the band had come full circle by playing this show because the last show Cynic played before breaking up in '94 was in New York. They also played "Celestial Voyage" and "I'm But A Wave To." I'm still bummed they didn't play "Uroboric Forms" and the dude in front of me kept shouting "Pleading for Preservation," which I knew wasn't going to happen, but at least they did play "How Could I." The last solo in that song is probably my all time favorite and it never fails to move me (no homo). They only played for about a half hour, but I'm not about to complain because any live Cynic is better than no live Cynic.
To my surprise quite a few people cleared out once Cynic's set was over. I, on the other hand and against my better judgement, decided to stay and watch some of Meshuggah's set. I really liked Meshuggah in high school, but once I grew out of liking shitty music I stopped listening to them. I really just wanted to hear "Future Breed Machine" which is the only Meshuggah song I know and admit to liking. Let me tell you, people REALLY like Meshuggah. The second they started playing the entire place went fucking nuts. I haven't seen that many retards moshing since E-Town Concrete's "farewell" show. Needless to say, I couldn't take much of those chodes so I decided to bounce after a couple songs. I should also mention that during Meshuggah's set I constantly kept looking over at this really hot girl standing across from me that looked like Amy Winehouse. She was rave dancing throughout their entire set. Before leaving I took a piss and there was a can of Budweiser and a turd floating in the toilet. I'm pretty sure I saw Lord Ezec AKA Danny Diablo enter the restroom as I was leaving.
If you've been down with metal long enough, you've come to expect the appropriation of its aesthetics. You can almost set your clock by it. As of late, however, a new type of appropriation has come to my attention...not that by large companies, publications or fashion designers, no. I'm talking about the use of iconography from the world of metal by other subcultures, all in the spirit of irony. Yes, some of the people who do this claim to have street cred, but I've checked and it's very seldom true.
I'm not going to dwell too much on the subject of subcultural irony (because I'm wearing a dry clean only sweater today, and if I start going down the path of "irony" I'll throw up all over myself in disgust), but I find this interesting. Why? Because to me, if you use iconography from another subculture in an ironic fashion, you are in a sense indicating the superiority of your culture over that which you are appropriating. It's clearly done in a mocking fashion.
Remember way back when hipsters started to wear mesh trucker hats? Clearly, the intended message was that a well educated white kid was slumming by putting on such wacky attire. Facial hair, and mullets soon followed, then hi-tops. So, now that metal is being used ironically all over the place (partially as part of 80s and 90s culture revival, which is now considered "old school") only one question remains:
Where does metal rank in the world of subcultures? According to the poster above, cycling/bike messenger culture ranks over metal. But that, perhaps, is merely because metal usually lacks a sense of humor and seldom uses irony. Metal is concerned only with evil/dark/serious imagery and messages. As a result, it gets beaten to a pulp in the subculture playground. Metal is also not self aware. An obvious giveaway about how fake many of today's Headbanger's Ball-grade metal bands is that they think the very music they play is funny. They are self aware, and thus not metal. What that argument says about this blog, I don't know. And I don't want to discuss that. Because we're hella metal. Anyway, a real metal band would never have a poster, record cover or lyrics with any sense of irony or attempt at humor. Yes, Sacred Reich had that song about how they listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Anthrax had I'm the Man...but those songs sucked and were un-metal. Yes, grindcore and other sub genres flirted with humor...but you wouldn't see a poster for a real death metal fest in Kentucky with characters from Saved By The Bell or something....though AC Slater was a dope drummer, and could probably play some tight blasts.
What do Metal Inquisitioners think? Let's discuss.
The release of a new Metallica album will always be an event for me. Yes, I know they suck. Yes, I know they've sucked for years now. I'm not ashamed to admit that they were my favorite band for most of my young adult life and maybe there is still a small part of me that hopes they will somehow recapture the magic of their glory days, but I don't believe in miracles. There's a morbid fascination/curiosty at work. Sometimes you can't help but look at things you know will repulse/scare/anger you. Like how you always slow down when approaching a car accident to observe the damage. Or like how you've clicked on the Goatse and Tub Girl jpgs a million times. There's some innate primal urge that draws us to these things and it is exactly that urge that fills me with anticipation for Metallica's upcoming new album, Death Magnetic. I cannot wait to hear all the shitty riffs, weak double bass, and embarassing lyrics. The awful cover art is certainly a good start.
two musical geniuses hard at work.
I don't know how Metallica can possibly top the shitstorm that was their last album, St. Anger. That album might just be the worst ever made. The drums that sounded like fucking garbage cans, the guitars that sounded Korn, no solos, and every song went on for what felt like days. Who can forget classic lines like "My lifestyle determines my deathstyle." If anyone can do it though, Metallica can. With each new album since the Black album they've managed to successfully lower the bar and I don't expect this new album to be any different. Keep in mind that Death Magnetic has been described as the missing link between ...And Justice for All and the Black album. Uh, yeah, I'm sure that'll be the case.
They just posted the track listing yesterday and there's some amazingly retarded titles. I'm really glad to see that they've decided to write a SECOND sequel to "The Unforgiven." Totally necessary. Hopefully they'll make another nonsensical video for it.
1. That Was Just Your Life 2. The End of the Line 3. Broken, Beat & Scarred 4. The Day That Never Comes 5. All Nightmare Long 6. Cyanide 7. The Unforgiven III 8. The Judas Kiss 9. Suicide & Redemption 10. My Apocalypse
They haven't set a release date for Death Magnetic yet, but it's supposed to come out sometime in September, which is right around the corner. To hold you over until then enjoy this compilation of sound clips that have been posted on the Mission Metallica website. The line "Suicide, I've already died!" sounds particularly promising.
Varg Vikernes, AKA "Count Grishnackh," is a complicated man. Best known for being the mastermind behind Burzum, burning churches, and murdering Mayhem guitarist Euronymous, he has become synonymous with the Norwegian black metal scene. A controversial figure for almost two decades, Varg's views on pagan religions, nationalist politics, and Lord of the Rings have been furiously debated on message boards across the internet. Being that we're actually all gainfully employed and well-educated here at Metal Inquisition we couldn't care less what this inbred retard thinks, we're more interested in making fun of how stupid he looks. As such I've decided to take a photographic journey through the years and examine the many fascinating fashion choices of Norway's most notorious black metal son.
As you can see, things began innocently enough for young Varg. He looks just like your average metal fan, though there is something a little unsettling about the fact that his left eye is considerably smaller than his right eye. Quite an extravagant mane he's got! Judging by the spectacular shine I'd say he uses Pantene Pro-V shampoo and conditioner. Killer VON shirt!
Once you start wearing chainmail and carrying around a sword in public you've officially crossed over to the next level. Notice, however, the laid-back, blase demeanor. I call this look "casual viking."
The escalation of style continues. The spiked mace, body armor, and GLOVES OF METAL really push this outfit over-the-top. The scowl and battle stance almost make him look intimidating, but he's still nowhere near as frightening as Rob Darken of Graveland.
Typical black metal warrior fare. Tight black jeans, black long-sleeve band t-shirt, and hastily-applied corpse paint. This is a great look for when you're onstage performing.
In October 2003 Varg was granted a short leave from prison (they're such nice people those Norwegians, letting killers out of prison to stretch their legs for a bit). He was found driving a stolen Volvo containing the following: an unloaded AG3 automatic rifle, a handgun, numerous large knives, a gas mask, camouflage clothing, a laptop, a compass, a Global Positioning System, various maps and a fake passport. This is what I imagine he looked like when he was caught.
Varg can't sing for shit. It's no wonder he didn't make it past the auditions. He looks great in a suit though. Sort of looks like he could be the Norwegian Morrissey.
Varg's really excited about his new Hitler Youth look. I don't blame him because, personally, I think he's never looked better! The crew cut, fucked up teeth, weird scar on his face, and military green button up shirt would make any aspiring nationalist jealous.
For a Norwegian guy Varg can really pull off the white trash meth dealer from Nebraska look. It's all about the feathered hair and unkempt beard combo. That shit is timeless.
A slight variation on the white trash meth dealer from Nebraska look, you'll notice that Varg has gone through the trouble of braiding his goatee. He's got a strong chin, so he can pull it off, but personally I would have gone with rubber bands in tribute to the great Captain Lou Albano. I love it when people wear their own band's shirt.
By this point we've come full circle and Varg appears to have completely embraced the redneck, white trash aesthetic pioneered in rural areas across the continental United States. Long gone is the chainmail-wearing, mace-wielding youthfulness of yore. All that's left is a grizzled veteran of prison rape.
I leave you with a few words of wisdom straight from the horse's mouth. A little something to think about, but don't think too hard on it. Your brain might explode.
Paul Baloff, Exodus frontman (who also sang in Hirax and Piranha) passed away in 2002. Luckily for all of us, he left behind a fantastic legacy of stage banter that puts him up there with some of the best.
Metal Inquisition grafix designers have teamed up to create the video below, which serves as a fine example of Baloff's genius. Enjoy.
I expect full credit for being tasteful and not using the "aneurysm" tag. He died of a stroke you see.
Thanks to an anonymous reader for the tip on this incredible video! If I didn't know better, I'd think this was some Andy Samberg parody video or something from the latest electro band from Silverlake or Williamsburg. Please do yourself a favor and watch the whole thing, it's incredible. Is it metal? Sure, why not... think of it as metal for your rich yuppie uncle. (For bonus points, compare this video to "The Speed of Love" for Nike by Justin Harder)
This part isn't really that funny, I just thought this was a pretty cool modernist clock.
You can always tell when an 80s babe means business because she puts on her shades.
The epidemic known as Robb Flynn's disease has claimed an unlikely victim, Venom's Mantas (real name Jeff Dunn). In case you are wondering, yes that's him on the right. Note the "wacky" haircut, facial hair and the fantastic suspenders that are hanging off his pants. The suspenders are made of chains. What else? The singer in his band (called Mantas by the way) is no genius either, check out his goggles. Is it just me or has the whole metal world started to take design cues from Rob Zombie circa 1995, and Tank Girl?
Look, Mantas looked like an idiot, even during the peak of his career. If you can call "Teacher's Pet" a peak. Just look at the picture from the back of Venom's influential "Black Metal" album. Mustache? Yes. White go-go boots? Yes. Gloves? Yes. Fan blowing hair? Yes. Over sized Honda touring motorcycle? Yes.
I've heard that "the squeaky wheel gets the oil", so perhaps this phenomenon is merely metal fossils looking at themselves in the mirror and deciding that they simply must fix the wreck that they see in the mirror. Still...you know you have turned into an absolute dope when people are actually thinking "you know, you looked better when you wore your white go go boots."
I know most of the posts on MI are funny. Well, they are supposed to be funny... I don't think this one is in that category, sorry. I apologize to the other MI staff if you think this post does not belong here. I just thought it would be cool to share some of the flyers I have collected in one way or another through the years. Some are from my collection, some scans I got and others from the internet. Some of the art is funny, some of the line-ups are odd (GBH/Death Angel??), but each one of these flyers brings memories to me and I hope to you too. I fully expect a few "I was at that show" out of this... I hope you likey...
