Saturday, January 19, 2008

Diary of a Mad Jackass

What do you do after being fired from the most influential metal band of all time, divorcing your first wife, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder? You lock yourself in a hotel room for weeks at a time with enough drugs and alcohol to kill most human beings, but if you're Ozzy Osbourne you meet Sharon Arden--your future second wife. She convinces you to get your shit together and puts a band together for you that includes the young virtuoso guitarist Randy Rhoads. Thus is born the solo career of Ozzy Osbourne. And what do you do if after releasing two wildly popular, now classic, albums your guitarist dies in a freak plane crash? If you're Ozzy Osbourne you descend back into depression and spiral out of control by drinking obscene amounts, doing mountains of coke, shooting all 17 of your pet cats, pissing on the Alamo, then you get sued because your music allegedly drove two teenagers to kill themselves, and finally in a drunken rage you attempt to murder your wife. Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, Ozzy was such a loser at this point that he couldn't even get the job done. Realizing Ozzy was her cash cow, Sharon forgave him. She kept managing him and he kept putting out shitty records. Eventually, they became millionaires and even reality television stars. Such is the strange saga of Ozzy Osbourne.

1 comment:

  1. sharon osbourne is hot, even when she had asshole cancer