Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Into The Crypt of Retards



Here's more proof, as if it were needed, that Europe is indeed a strange, strange place and that Black Metal is not very evil. I don't know exactly what year this video is from, but I'm going to guess somewhere around 1985. It features Martin Eric Ain (surprisingly normal looking, except for the eye shadow and giant hoop earrings) and Tom G. Warrior (one of the ugliest people on earth with his stupid eye makeup, stringy hair, rocking a dirt stache--they have white trash in Switzerland?--leather and spikes) of the legendary Celtic Frost on what I'm guessing is some kind of Swiss Top of the Pops show.


The video begins with Martin and Tom being interviewed by a teenage girl in a over sized white blouse with an awful hair cut. I have no idea what they're talking about since I have no idea what language they're speaking (German, I think?), but I'm sure it's very evil and hilarious. There's even a crowd of children surrounding Martin and Tom while they're being interviewed. These children scream in anticipation when the female teen interviewer announces in her thick accent the song Celtic Frost is about to perform, "Into de Cryfft of Rays."

Can you imagine what it must have felt like to be alive in Switzerland in 1985 and to have stumbled upon Celtic Frost on Top of the Pops while channel surfing? I can't. Fucking surreal.

8 comments:

  1. Worst band of all time.

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  2. yes, its german.
    Varg Vikernes of Burzum has already signed an exclusive deal to do his first interview when he gets out of jail with TRL. seems odd, but celtic frost really were the leaders...and whatever they do...all black metal bands must follow. its in the black metal contract you sign when you start a band.

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  3. You two and the blogger of this site are complete idiots.

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  4. your fat fucking fatherFebruary 20, 2008 at 3:16 PM

    Whoa, I laughed a bit at the Varg Vikernes hilarity comment above. Comedic genious indeed, it surely takes wit, intelligitude and subject matter insight to come up with a destroying comment like that. Vikernes will not be pleased. Ten-fifteen years on, Germans will refer to that joke as a "schlager." You'll find CD's with that joke read aloud in German by a Swiss Julius Streicher imitator in the "Hard & Heavy" section of your non-local music store. Germans fucking love ampersands, by the way.

    As for Johnny-come-lately shitwankers and ignorant duncecracks going on about Celtic frost and "black metal" in the same sentence. I had to stop that sentence there to avoid doing this myself, here is the rest of it: Celtic frost were a thrash band, even a deaf fucking midget monkey on a tricycle on a shoddily-lit hill in the far fucking distance could call that genre conclusion faster than a grown man could grow Thomas Gabriel's shit moustache.

    In other words, I'm gonna go have myself a fantastic glass of water. Anchors aweigh!!

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  5. Haha, wonderful. I was in the audience that night the swiss tv-show was recorded. The handsome guy next to the incredibly ugly (and stupid - I could tell you stories, you wouldn't believe them) Tomy Lee Warrior is not Martin (who's not very handsome either) but a guy named Ike. Here's one of the Black Metal secrets they don't want you to know: Ike at one point was called Isaac Darso and posed on some photos with later Hellhammer or early Celtic Frost. They wanted to make people believe he was a drummer (in fact, he's an incredibly rich spoiled little brat, or was). Ike never touched no drum stick in his life - the idea of presenting him that way came from the Adam's Apple Warrior who always was heavily focused on how things appear (or are made to appear). Picture this: A band so eagerly trying to be "dark", "evil", "mysterious" and "avantgarde" (haha) picking a bloke only because he's handsome and thereby attracts a wider audience (or grrls). Man, THIS is schwitziland.

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  6. If you want take the piss out of Thomas Gabriel Warrior you are way off the mark with the badger pic.He looks like a Chiwawa...any half breed spastic can tell you that...sssh call y'self a blogger.

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  7. Hey Eric, something must be off with your memory. Indeed Mr. Darso was an early member of CF but lasted only one rehearsal before leaving for another band so I doubt he would go on a tv show with the band. Plus, he is clearly not the drummer on stage in this (singback?) performance. So even if your story is true which I don´t doubt, the guy we see here talking can´t be Isaac Darso.

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  8. The guy you see is Ike, a.k.a. Isaac Darso. He never touched an instrument in his life.

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