Black Winter Gay

I'm not going to front, I liked Amorphis when I was in high school. I jammed "Tales From the Thousand Lakes" and "Elegy" on the regular. I even followed them up to "Tuonela," which my MOM still listens to, BTW (it sounds like Linkin Park--another of my mom's favorites--minus the scratching and the rapping). I'm not kidding, my MOM!

Anyway, over time my musical taste evolved and I came to realize that keyboards are gay (not that there's anything wrong with gay music, I listen to Madonna and Real McCoy all the time, but that shit does not belong in Metal) and that the only band from Finland people should care about is Demilich. I'll admit that the first Amorphis album, "The Karelian Isthmus," is awesome, but if everything they've done since then were shot into outer space I wouldn't cry.

I now present to you the video for the song "Black Winter Day" from their hugely popular, atrocious album "Tales From the Thousand Lakes." And remember, you can growl all you want, but the second you start tickling the ivory in a ruffled shirt your Death Metal instantly becomes False Metal.



And I'm not even going to touch on the fact that the lyrics to this song read like fat high school goth chick poetry...

This is how the lucky feel
How the blessed think
Like daybreak in spring
The sun on a spring morning

But how do I feel
In my gloomy depths?

Like the flat brink of a cloud
Like a dark night in autumn
A black winter day
No, darker than that
Gloomier than an autumn night